To feel peeved house guests don't bring anything

[Achurchi]

We are a family of four and have friends who frequently come to stay for the weekend (one adult and child), and we're never invited back...they make excuses such as they have cats and "oh you don't want to come because you're allergic" which is true, but I can also take antihistamine so it's not really a problem. I am increasingly feeling that they are just using us as we live in London and see us a free ride for a free weekend in the Capital! This has been going on for almost a decade and it is now seriously affecting our friendship.
When they come to ours (they basically invite themselves), they never bring anything with them...no bottle of wine or chocs, nothing. We're expected to fund the weekend's food and drink. My friend is always claiming to have no money, when in reality she has been given hundreds of thousands of pounds' inheritance which she has burnt through and then got herself into debt and had to be bailed out by her mum (multiple times). But we obviously can't say anything about that, and have to pretend she's on the breadline so that's why she can't contribute to the weekend. She's a single parent so always uses that as the reason she has no money (it's definitely not true).
I'm in the kitchen prepping food for the kids (which our friend dictates as they're fussy eaters) and then I'm cooking for the adults, all weekend. And we do all the tidying up etc. Her child gets up v early and wakes us up whilst my friend continues sleeping in until 930/10am. It's exhausting and I end up feeling that I've been taken advantage of, and feel very resentful.
If I confronted my friend about any of this, I know she'd be very upset and I'd end up feeling guilty so I feel I can't say anything. She has a history of poor mental health. What would you do? Tell her we're not hosting them anymore for all of the reasons above, or something else?? It's starting to really affect our friendship. They're here this weekend, and all of the above is/has happened again and my friend has just started talking about the next time they're coming to stay! Help!!!

At the very least, I wouldn’t look after her child every morning while the mum sleeps in. Occasionally yes, but not every morning if you don’t want to!

@Achurchi

Why can't you say anything? She's massively taking the piss! Her supposed fragile mental health is not your responsibility. So what if it ends the friendship? She's just using you anyway & what exactly do you get out of the friendship??

You need to just be blunt & put your foot down. Why have you allowed this to go on for 10yrs??

If you don't want to deal with it head on OP - which I can understand- just keep making excuses. Or say something like - sorry OP it's lovely seeing you but unfortunately I find it harder and harder to host as I'm so busy. If you can book a hotel this time I'd love to meet you out and about. That throws the ball firmly back in CF friends court.

Here we go again. Another one not standing up for themselves. You know what you have to do. Grow a pair and say NO.

250 replies and none from @Achurchi ?

Just say no

No, no, no, NO! It’s time to ditch the freeloading user now.

@SeventeenClovesOfGarlic Hmm, seems odd that it's problem enough to make a post, but not enough to come back and read the replies or respond! Do we add it to the list of things that never happened @Achurchi?!

Your heading asking about a gift? If she brought you a box of chocs would that make this situation better?.... its about her taking advantage and using you and your home as a hotel surly?. Is she really a friend or just using you? One way to find out is when shes gone ring her up and say "oh I'm coming down to yours next weekend I'm fine with the cats as iv got some great anti histamines so don't worry,it'll be lovely to get a wee break I'll see you then". If she finds a reason not to host you this once after years of you hosting her and dd then you will know this is not a real friendship.

Say no to them and/or go put for the day if you think they will insist and turn up.

When I moved out of London at least one friend and I lost touch after her family had a few times stayed with me

Please DON'T tell her you're going to be away every time she announces a visit - I guarantee she'll eventually ask if they can come anyway to 'look after the house for you' and then what will you say?

This is why honesty is almost always the best policy, but I can't see that there's any way you can tell her she's taking the absolute piss out of you without it ending the friendship. I suppose the only real question is how much that would bother you.

When I was a child a cousin of mine and his wife and two children would turn up every Saturday evening just as my mum was preparing the evening meal. The meal would then have to be stretched to feed them as well. They never brought anything with them. After about 12 months of this my mum blew a gasket and said thats it, next week we are not eating until they go even if we have to sit there until midnight. We did this and nothing was said we just sat and sat. Eventually they left at about 9 pm. Funnily enough they never came again.

I used to say ‘Oh I think it’s our turn to come to you, isn’t it?’

Is this really true? I find it difficult to believe that someone would put up with this sort of behaviour for so long.

The lack of return hospitality - or at least some return hospitality - would annoy me immensely. When she says about being allergic to cats why don't you just say you can take anti-histamine, then that excuse doesn't work.

But frankly, I would not want to host someone so selfish. Just tell her it is too much for you (especially doing all the work) and you can no longer host her.

Your friend sounds just like my SIL. I’m dying to tell her she’s a CF but DH is too scared of rocking the boat …