Father of the child and his family forcing me into getting an abortion

[OneAquaShaker]

A bit of back story, me and the father met in December so I know in terms of timing it is unconventional and not how I planned on becoming pregnant. We were in a relationship together and found out I was pregnant at the end of February when we found out me and the father were both over the moon and he asked me not to get an abortion. Up until the 8 week mark we have been discussing our future together and how excited we are to be parents. Fast forward to last Saturday the conversation came up to why I decided to come off the depo injection this time last year and I was honest and said its because at the time I was in a long term relationship where we both thought pregnancy was our next step but ultimately it didn't work out as he was abusive. From then the father and his family have made claims that I've baby trapped him and all I wanted out of him was to get pregnant. This is not the case I made the father aware when we first met I wasn't on contraception and he made no effort to protect himself, they've also claimed im unfit to be a mum as me and my family went over to his house to have a conversation about the situation and once we got there, I was shouted at and blamed by his parents and due to being shouted at I got upset and cried, his step dad then made a comment about how if this situation is stressing me am I sure im fit to raise a baby, they also tried to claim that I didn't tell the father I wasn't on contraception which isn't true, at no point have I said to the father that he needs to stick around I have asked him if he will be there to support me and the baby and he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me and that I'm ruining his life and I needed to pick whether I wanted him or the baby and has told me I need to abort the baby multiple times, I have made it clear to him what my views on abortion are and told him it's my reproductive right to have this baby and its down to him if he's going to step up and be a father. I've been told I'm delusional and that I'm a manipulator and I'm abusing him. It's also come to my attention that one of his friends told him to try and convince me its my ex's child and not his so he can walk away with no ties to the baby. Am I being unfair to not have an abortion after originally being told to keep my pregnancy by the father and him being excited about and then changing his mind?

But what is the point of taking a test the first time after you sleep with them? All it tells you is that the didn't infect you with something on that occasion, doesn't mean they don't have an STD? The rational thing would be for you both to test before sleeping together
You need to not get yourself into another relationship for a while after this OP regardless of what decisions you make about this pregnancy. You are 24 yrs old and jumped straight from an abusive relationship into one where you are pregnant immediately..... Maybe you weren't admitting even to yourself that you were trying to get pregnant but neither were you actively doing anything to stop it while repeatedly having sex. Could there be a part of you deep down that wanted a baby and worry about the details later?

So by this logic you would not allow a woman to have an abortion then?

if you aren’t 💯 pro-life then you are a hypocrite - I’ll let you decide which

your baby will be well loved and that is worth more than anything

It’s this sort of mindless bollocks that does no one any favours.

OP I've left a lengthy response already and I can see why this thread is still going.

OP before you ask to get this post deleted (as what often happens, when hard facts are stated). Think long and hard of your future. You're clearly determined to have this baby- you've justified in your head and to many posters on here. Fine- your choice.

Have your baby in peace- and avoid any further unnecessary stress. But after I would strongly suggest that once you've had your baby- invest in some much needed therapy. To determine why it is- you seek out this need for love from unsuitable and unavailable men.
Question, why you are prepared to tolerate an abusive man for the sake of a family.

Whilst your having your therapy- get on birth control. Control your fertility and you control your freedom. I wish you strength.

@OneAquaShaker hi OP. I had a similar situation to you, although I was mid thirties so quite a bit older. I’m not sure what I would have done at your age but I can say that I went ahead with my pregnancy and in time Dd’s dad actually became a brilliant dad. He was late thirties at the time so perhaps a bit more mature than your partner/ex. To add also that I had a termination under six weeks a few years prior. It was devastating BUT I did recover from it and move forward.

Ultimately what I am trying to say is that whatever you do, life will be ok. It really will. It may feel overwhelming and awful right now but life WILL be ok. Of course think carefully about what you want but you will be a fantastic mother if it’s what you want and if you decide it isn’t what you want, you will be ok too. You have your life ahead and it will be filled with joy if you embrace your decisions whatever they are. PM if you would like.

I have read your posts, OP and got the answers I asked in my previous posting. You seem both to earn very well but both live with your parents. Are you both with special needs? I am not sure why you need asking here do you keep the baby if you already have a home, two parents willing to help you and so on. What makes you insecure so you come and ask your question here. What your mum says...

Don’t ever have an abortion you don’t want. If you want the baby and you get rid of it, it will haunt you

I do not mean anything mean when asking : do you both have special needs. Something in the way you type very long sentences, without much punctuation marks do give a bit of a clue or I might be wrong. Curious what is your job and if you ask me, do have the baby. If your mum is ok with all this, go forward.

Because it is really not you having a baby but your two parents are having the baby also because you live there.

@OneAquaShaker just read that you have said you want to keep the baby. Enjoy it. Embrace it. Honestly in time things will settle down and hopefully the dad will be decent and get fully involved. But if not, you will be ok. And you’ve got your whole life ahead to meet someone else if that’s what you want. All the best OP. And congratulations x

I'm just going to assume you will keep coming back and writing word salad manpandering.

I can't be arsed, it's boring, irrelevant and you're 100 percent wrong - and you know it. You're just a handmaiden is all.

So, every time you shriek BUT WHAT ABOUT DE MENZ! And try to pretend reality isn't a thing, just assume I have responded with exactly this:

"Nah. You're still wrong and reality doesn't care how you feel. Every single time a man chooses to ejaculate into a woman he must assume she might get pregnant. End."

Just pop that in, in place of a response from me, ta. That will save me the boredom of having to keep repeating the truth. 😅
Ciao!

Look do you want this absolute idiot and his family in your face for the rest of your life?
you cannot and will not be able to stop him from having access to his child.
you cannot stay at home with your parents indefinitely
your earning ability and work prospects are screwed for at least the next 5 years regardless of wider familial support.
this is a human being you are planning on having, think about what that means and what values are you going to impart to the human you are responsible for raising
this baby is a whole person and you are responsible for it’s every need and whim - you on your own.

Dear OP, you do sound quite immature. Are you,
or is it just the way are coming across?

Anyway, no one should force you to terminate this pregnancy. Many women have babies at 24. It is not necessarily to young.

I don’t think any new mum knows what to expect and I think women do need to speak up and share what it’s like to be a mum and MN is most probably the number 1 platform to allow us to do this.

Please read the threads after threads on here about motherhood, single parenting, abuse, real life and family dynamics. It is not going to be easy no matter what your family say or offer.

What I actually came on to say is that my friend is in the exact situation as you. Her DD had a baby with someone she hadn’t known for very long. DD lives at home with my friend and her father. DD is 35.

The DC is now 6. I feel so sorry for them and I think DD should move out and get a home of her own for her and DC. But my friend keeps telling her DD they she can stay as long as she wants.
Even though she and her DH are struggling.

Her DD does work and so the strain on them looking after DGC is huge. And this is on a loving care family like yours.

Have your the baby if that’s what you really want, but please do consider a scenario of you doing this all alone because that may become the case. Things change! And as much as your parents are thinking of you think of them. They are still parenting you at 23 to some degree and now they are going to parent your DC.

now I understand your username. It’s what people say when they read your posts.

also FWIW when you need to resort to swearing and insults to get your point across, you’ve already proven that your point lacks the merit you believe it has.

Also, you need to realise that equity isn’t about taking away from men and raising women to have the power, it’s about giving them the opportunity to become equals and share the power. My husband doesn’t tell me what to do, and I don’t tell him, because we are equals. if this earns me (I think you called them man cookies) then I think they’re giving their cookies away pretty cheaply.

i also see it has been deleted now so I can’t quote it - ah well

Wow. Just because OP's replies sound young she must be special needs?!!!! Do you not understand there is a housing crisis and more and more 20somethings are having to stay living at home because they can't afford mortgage deposit or exorbitant rents?

You don’t even know this man and you let him get you pregnant. Don’t come at me with I thought I was protected you knew you weren’t and you let him ruin your future. Where you see cute baby cuddles insert vomit in your hair sleepless night and poop - everywhere.

Some of the replies on this thread are shameful. Whatever else anyone thinks, OP is eight weeks pregnant and therefore still in the vulnerable period of early pregnancy. Remind yourselves of that as you continue the pile on.

You realise babies are not pets?! You never even lived by yourself and want to raise another human? You had unprotected sex with someone you barely know and now have yourself tied to forever. That’s so beyond irresponsible. Fantastic life my arse.

Whether you keep the baby is your choice but you seriously need to look at your contraceptive choices yes its a 2 way street but if you continue to plan to not use contraception for the foreseeable you could likely end up with multiple children to multiple partners. May I suggest ensuring they do use a condom if for whatever medical reasons you cannot use contraception or consider the coil perhaps. I wouldn't openly have sex with someone thinking oh well if it leads to a baby we both want kids anyway this is a prime example of how it fails you barely know each other all relationships are great in the first few months the honeymoon phase then comes the challenges. Also 24 is young I wish in hindsight I had waited later in life I thought I had been there done it all and now was time for a family but I do miss my independence so much nights away, spontaneous holidays. Family will say we will support you but trust me they will also get fed up and say its your baby your responsibility after a while. Either way if you want to keep your child of course you should but please just he mindful of contraception in new relationships/ one night stands moving forward

For generations women never lived anywhere but at home with their parents before getting married – their wedding night was usually the time when they would move out. Were they beyond irresponsible and incapable of raising children too?

Honestly, the way OP is being patronised because of her age and living circumstances is insane.

You're essentially having a baby that you will have to handover to strangers for 50% of the time. You clearly don't know him very well or his family at all. What do you think this will do to your child? What mental issues will they carry from all the challenges and insecurity this will bring throughout their life? It's a terrible start and will be extremely painful for you.

Can you give a complete overview what happened around your medical issues, stopping the contraception and how did you actually got conveniently pregnant so fast with someone you don't know. How did you meet that young man?

Did you really need to post this?