Father of the child and his family forcing me into getting an abortion

[OneAquaShaker]

A bit of back story, me and the father met in December so I know in terms of timing it is unconventional and not how I planned on becoming pregnant. We were in a relationship together and found out I was pregnant at the end of February when we found out me and the father were both over the moon and he asked me not to get an abortion. Up until the 8 week mark we have been discussing our future together and how excited we are to be parents. Fast forward to last Saturday the conversation came up to why I decided to come off the depo injection this time last year and I was honest and said its because at the time I was in a long term relationship where we both thought pregnancy was our next step but ultimately it didn't work out as he was abusive. From then the father and his family have made claims that I've baby trapped him and all I wanted out of him was to get pregnant. This is not the case I made the father aware when we first met I wasn't on contraception and he made no effort to protect himself, they've also claimed im unfit to be a mum as me and my family went over to his house to have a conversation about the situation and once we got there, I was shouted at and blamed by his parents and due to being shouted at I got upset and cried, his step dad then made a comment about how if this situation is stressing me am I sure im fit to raise a baby, they also tried to claim that I didn't tell the father I wasn't on contraception which isn't true, at no point have I said to the father that he needs to stick around I have asked him if he will be there to support me and the baby and he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me and that I'm ruining his life and I needed to pick whether I wanted him or the baby and has told me I need to abort the baby multiple times, I have made it clear to him what my views on abortion are and told him it's my reproductive right to have this baby and its down to him if he's going to step up and be a father. I've been told I'm delusional and that I'm a manipulator and I'm abusing him. It's also come to my attention that one of his friends told him to try and convince me its my ex's child and not his so he can walk away with no ties to the baby. Am I being unfair to not have an abortion after originally being told to keep my pregnancy by the father and him being excited about and then changing his mind?

If this is real I think are probably thinking you will be fine as you have family support and the father has a decent wage to finance you. I guarantee if that is true he will go for 50/50 as he won't be wanting to hand over the CMS money to you. This family that are so awful will then be involved in the baby's life half of the week do you really want that?

So have I seen many summers and you are talking about a time when the majority of those 25 year olds had been gainfully employed since leaving school at 16 and probably going out with each other from about the same time and married at 21. What they weren’t doing in those days was expecting their parents to happily give up on their peaceful pre-retirement freedom to accommodate their fuck ups.

I think it’s clear you have made your decision and are keeping your baby. Fair enough it’s your decision. However you do need to get your head out of the clouds. All this raising child as a team, the magical job and no money worries is silly.
You need to grow up and find out how you will continue to work, what does your employer actually expect from you.: Childcare is very expensive. Are your parents working? Can they provide care to cover a full time job?
Also I think you do need to sit down together as families and work things out. No dramatics. It’s happened now what will the future look like. Custody, finances etc.
You also need to think how your life will be. Do you have friends? Even better friends with very young children? Parenting can be lonely.
I had my first at 23, I was living with my partner and we had a mortgage however I still had times I felt it was too soon. I had friends going off on holidays, travelling, dating and just enjoying being young. You will miss all of that. Is the dad a total write off? I ask as the first few weeks of you, dad and baby are wonderful. You are in a little loved up bubble. You also get to share the good and bad together.
Im now 43 and divorced with 19 and 17 year old children. Their dad and I have been involved together all this time even after divorce. Parenting doesn’t stop when they age. You and the dad and his family are forever linked.
i wish you well but i feel you have done growing up to do, and quickly!!

I have to be honest here you needed to organise contraception. You should have insisted on him using a condom. Your 24 and he is 26 and you sound like teenagers.
You may have thought if I get pregnant he will be happy. We will move in together, we will have the baby and live happy ever after.

You now found out he does not want this baby and neither do his family. Your parents have said they will support you but that means that you will be living at home long term.

The reality is that you can't work and mind a baby, toddler or small child at the same time. So how are you going to afford this baby? It unfair to expect your parents to pay all the bills for you and baby. Benefits for a single mother and a baby are poor and your going to be made look for for work once your child is a certain age.
Your also going to have to apply to CMS, deal with the child's father and his parents for the next 18 years.
Once you have this baby you have to consider them always. You won't be able to meet up with friends, go on holidays and your social life will only happen if your parents mind the baby/child. Then a lot of men who say have a good job, money ect they won't get involved with a single mother because they can meet a woman without a child or an ex boyfriend in the background.

In your situation I would have an abortion and I would then look into long term contraception. Your not mature enough to have a child and it unfair to bring them into this situation. It not fair on your parents either to expect them to support you and a child. If your 24 your parents were probably looking forward to you leaving home and having more time on their own and putting more money into retirement savings.
They should not have to have put their lives and plans on hold because you got pregnant and are still living at home with them into your 40's with a teenager as your can't afford your own home.

I think you have to be prepared for the fact him and his parents could go for 50/50 shared care. He says he doesn't want a child now but may change his mind when he is faced with CSA payments.

This is the oldest lie in the book, along with the cheque is in the post, and I won't cum in your mouth!

Were you using condoms?

How does your first year with a baby look?
What's your plan if you have a bad pregnancy or birth or both?

It is very much your body your choice. HOWEVER…it seems incredibly unfair that he may pay child support, I genuinely hope you don’t ask him for any because he has made it clear he does not want to have a baby but this is being forced on him.

so if you have the baby, do it alone, and give him double the love to make up for not having a dad

Your body your choice.

But do you really want to have a life long connection with his toxic family?

Wow you started dating and tried for a baby as soon as you met him? If you're not taking precautions then that is the exact same as trying for a baby.
What on earth! You literally barely knew him and that was good enough for him to become your child's dad.
He can't force you into getting an abortion.

If you are happy to be a single mother with no support at all from him or his family, and him fighting you every step of the way for any financial assistance, go ahead with the pregnancy. Up to you.

No, don't be daft.

Men must always without exception use protection. Always. If not they must assume they will get her pregnant. Same for women. Both are equally responsible in every way for the pregnancy.

You cannot wfh with a baby FFS.

In regards to your title, you can't be forced to have an abortion.

It is your body, your choice.

After reading all of your replies I do think you are looking through life with rose tinted glasses and a little growing up is needed if you are going to have this baby.

You do need to accept some responsibility in terms of getting pregnant.
Also getting pregnant with someone you just met in December? Not exactly ideal but it's done now.
I think your attitude to coming off your contraception and thinking there would be some lasting affects is very lax.
Yes it takes 2 to tango as you said but all I know if that, even now if I don't want to get pregnant, that responsibility is also on me. I wouldn't just be like 'oh well he knew I wasn't on contraception' and have unprotected sex.

I do think you need to really look at everything clearly.

• You will be dealing with his family for years to come & tied to this man for life now via your unborn child
• Yes you have a good job and your parents will help with childcare but you need to be realistic here. Are you parents offering 40 hours of childcare so you can continue working full-time? *Yes your employer may be supportive when it comes to childcare / work-life balance but I highly doubt any job would allow you to have a baby beside you where there is work to be done. There is a difference between being flexible to the school run or letting a parent leave to go to a school appointment versus having a child there when you should be working. Also you have no idea what it's like to open a laptop when a toddler is around. *You say your parents are in their 40s, do they not work? How much support can they realistically give if they have their own jobs?
• As a previous poster said, you need to think long term, when baby is toddler, will they have their own room or do you plan on sharing a room for the foreseeable? *You mentioned moving out, you need to think of the logistics of getting child to childcare/school on your own, getting to work/collecting child. It's ALOT.

I'm not saying it can't be done. It absolutely can.
I just don't think you are realising how much work it is going to be.

If you drive a car, you can get into an accident, so you get insurance and don’t have to pay your entire life to fix it.

if you have sex and use protection, you can still have an accident, but then because 1 of the 2 in the accident decide they want to have the baby the other has to foot the bill…nope!

men need to take responsibility for their actions, and step up for their children, but it isn’t fair to expect someone to pay for a baby they didn’t ask for, took precautions against having, and made clear whilst abortion was still a viable option that they didn’t want the baby then why should they have to pay? Just like an abortion shouldn’t be forced on a woman, a baby shouldn’t be forced on a man.

another analogy, person 1 wants to buy a house with person 2. Person 2 doesn’t want to buy a house, so either person 1 buys the house and they pay for it themselves, or they don’t get a house…you see where I’m going with this.

18 years of child support because your birth control failed? Not fair if you made your position clear at the beginning. Both parties in a pregnancy should have a say, and if only the mother wants the baby then the father shouldn’t have to pay for it.

Please ignore all the hate on this thread. Some of the best mums I know had their kids young and/or are single parents. Some awful parents I know are middle class couples.

your baby will be well loved and that is worth more than anything. Few people can really afford kids but we all find a way. Congratulations on your baby!!

This. The whole thing is barmy but good luck.

Don't put him on the BC whatever else you do.

Love is not enough. Babies need resources, they are expensive and providing a good home for a child needs more than just love.

The fact that you still live at home with mum and dad suggests you are not really an independent adult yet and your heavy reliance on their support makes me think you are not ready to raise a child.
Your relationship with the father of the child should be more important to you than your relationship with your parents.
Do you work? How will you ever become independent if you have not managed to move out of home, once you have a baby this will become even harder.
You sound quite naive and like someone who just wants a baby 'to love' and has no idea of the impact it will have on your life for the next 20 years.

Nah. Men must always use protection without exception or assume she might get pregnant.

The end, no need for a manpandering thesis 😂

I know I’m not going crazy, but I don’t understand this place sometimes.

1. he can’t force you to have an abortion, but
2. you can force him to pay

see the difference here.

it should be:

1. he can’t force you to have an abortion, but
2. you can’t force him to pay if he has made it clear he wants you to have an abortion

and again

1. he can’t force you to have an abortion, but
2. you can force him to have a child…

see where I am going with this

You've obviously commented on the wrong thread since there has been no hate of any kind on this one.

Did you even read what I said?

in my scenario protection was used. Try again

Well, you wanted a baby and so here you are. The stupidity of having unprotected sex with someone after 5 minutes blows my mind and really isn't indicative of someone mature enough to raise a child. 🤷‍♀️
Noone is 'forcing' you to do anything so not sure of the purpose of the thread. Sounds like you need to come to terms with the fact that THIS is who you chose to father your child and you don't get to just say you don't want him around. If you're lucky, he won't bother but that's only great for you. And you are no longer the most important person in your life.
Time to grow up, you are now tied to these people for at least the next 18 years.

Nah. Men must always assume if they have sex she might get pregnant since no protection is 100 percent effective.

His options are - don't ejaculate into a woman he barely knows or assume she will get pregnantn when he does and deal accordingly.

At all times, every single time without exception that a man chooses to ejaculate into a woman he knows he might get her pregnant.

End.

Your comment is irrelevant.

He chose to ejaculate, he got her pregnant. Such is life.

This. Do not make wfh with a baby your plan.

OP it's really obvious you don't actually have a clue what life is like with a baby, toddler. A one year old does not just sit happily on a play mat in front of you while you are on a Teams meeting or working on a spreadsheet.
They sit happily for precisely 3 minutes before starting to fuss, moving away to do some thing unsafe, starting to whinge and want picking up or to do something different, getting frustrated by a toy.... You cannot work like this. You will think you are getting away with it and nobody at work notices you are constantly taking breaks and going out but they will and you could easily lose your job.

In which coutry are you in? Are you both British? Why at this age both his and your parents come with you to discuss this? Do you both live each with your parents?