Would you be upset if your child's teacher told the class her mum had died?

[MonBlu]

She left a couple of weeks ago because her mum was sick and there was a sub since. Now she's back and told the kids that her mum died. It seems very young for them to have to think about mums dying. They're Year 4 / 5.

I think it’s normal for school friends to know yes. It’s easier for her if everyone knows. By that age children know that people die. DS2 had a child whose mum died in a car accident when they were 7. The children were informed but i’d already told DS2.

edit - apologies I read that as a child’s mum died. Probably didn’t need to tell the children, but I wouldn’t be upset about it.

No. Death is a natural part of life and can’t be explained in an age appropriate way.

Thats not too young at all, at that age they understand death, and plenty will have experienced loss of grandparents at least. Assuming she handled it responsiblybits fine.

No.

erm no of course not. Death is a part of life and death can happen to anyone at any time.

Thinking that y5, so ten year olds are too young to know about death is ludicrous.

When my DS was in primary they had to be told that their teacher’s baby had died as she had a stillbirth at 24 weeks. So they already knew she was pregnant and having a baby, so it was unavoidable. These were reception children.

Around 9yo? I don't think that is very young... however, I do think it's inappropriate for a teacher to share their personal life with students (and I'm a teacher). Teachers shouldn't be looking to their students for emotional support or sympathy. Just a breezy "don't worry, I'm not ill, glad to be back" would be ideal. That's my opinion

Nothing wrong with that . When my grandchild is at my place and sees photos of my brother and parents of course I have to tell her that they have died.

I think its fine. Death is part of life and hiding it is not helpful.

Nine and ten year olds? No they’re not too young to be told. Was there anything about the way they were told that bothers you specifically?

No I wouldn’t be upset.
A child likely asked why she was away and she told them the truth.
why is it too young to know about death?

The dad of one of the children in our year 2 class has recently died. Many of the other children are aware as it has been mentioned in school - child’s and her mum’s permission / choice, They’ve been kind and caring towards her and there have been no issues about any child knowing, They aren’t too young,

When dd was at primary school her class teacher died, as the children were moving from year 5 into year 6. Same teacher in both years, so they’d had him a year before too. Obviously the children in the whole school were told and there was an in-school memorial for him, from reception up.

children don’t need to be shielded from a natural process such as death.

Where did the OP say she was using the children as emotional support?

Her mother died. She should be entitled to mention it without being accused of using the children.

Death is a part of life, and if she’d been away to look after her mum then she was only being honest. For all we know it was known to them that Ms X’s mum wasn’t well and so they may have asked if she’s better.

If the teacher had broken down sobbing on the shoulder of a ten yo then absolutely that would be inappropriate.

But to mention that her mum had died absolutely isn’t. And neither should she be expected to lie.

Of course not. People die and learning about that as a child is a natural part of life. Yes it may make them ask questions but that's all part of learning and growing. Some children may be upset even though they didn't know the deceased but again being upset someone has died or upset that your teacher is upset is part of life. We can't shelter them from it indefinitely.

I don't think it would have been inappropriate at any age

No, I think it's fine that she told them.

No, that would be ridiculous. I’d be glad my child was learning about real life from their teacher as well as academic stuff, and I’d probably go and buy her a card.

I wouldn’t be upset, death is a part of life. If my child was upset then I’d took a look at the statistics. Average age of death for a woman of your age. It’s not a guarantee but it is likely your dc will be middle aged by the time they have to deal with your death.

I would have brought her flowers personally.

What about kids who have already lost their parents?

Are they not allowed to tell their friends?

In almost every Disney movie there’s a dead parent.

you are being silly.

No.. I wouldn't be upset and my DC is in year 1. Like everyone else says it's a part of life and hearing about other people dying in real life is sometimes a good thing, if for example a grandparent dies it's not going to be the first time they've heard of it.

We need to talk about death much more in this country, not less. Esp with kids. I would have no issue at all with this teacher.

It's fine. Age appropriately of course, which it would have been being as she was the class teacher.

Not inappropriate at all.
Same happened to my DC at a similar age - the class made a card for the teacher and the parents collected money for some flowers.
It’s important to acknowledge death as a normal part of life. Children will learn empathy and some emotional intelligence (appropriate for age) - it doesn’t mean that they will be an emotional crutch.

I don’t think it was inappropriate at all. Death is part of life and by that age, many of the children will have had a relative or family friend die. Many will also have lost pets etc. I’d say it could be a positive experience for the children depending on how the teacher spoke about it.

This.

Death is part of life, it shouldn’t be brushed under the carpet. As someone says above, children might have to deal with it at any age.

I’ve often heard that the UK doesn’t deal with death well. It’s not spoken about openly and that leaves people ill-equipped to deal with it or the loss of a loved one.