Would you be upset if your child's teacher told the class her mum had died?

[MonBlu]

She left a couple of weeks ago because her mum was sick and there was a sub since. Now she's back and told the kids that her mum died. It seems very young for them to have to think about mums dying. They're Year 4 / 5.

No. Death is part of our lives. Very young children face the death of pets etc.

No of course not. Children are human beings involved in normal life processes and learning about compassion,empathy, appropriate responses, loss, grief... How can they learn these things if we don't teach them??

It's part of nature, part of life.

How have we become so detached from reality?

I think it's good she was honest. I remember when we had a sub for more than a few days at school, kids would start all sorts of rumours about why the teacher was absent. I think most 8/9 year olds will have some awareness of death, some may have even lost a parent (DH was 6 when his dad died). A classmate of mine died at school when we were in year 6. I think it's positive to not make death a taboo amongst young children, they should be able to ask questions.

I'd love to get into the heads of all those saying it's inappropriate at any age.

Normal life event happens, children old enough to understand. Information is hers to share. Parents have possibly been asking why she hasn't been in school. It's more appropriate for her to tell the kids rather than school.

It's a healthy subject to talk about, because everyone experiences death at some point. It's a subject that should be covered in Personal Development classes.

I genuinely don't see the problem. Apart from over protective parents who want to wrap their children up in cotton wool forever.

No.

YABU death is a sad but normal experience. What are you trying to protect them from?! In any case many of them will have already lost a lived one.

I’d be surprised if a Year 4/5 child hadn’t experienced death in some way. Mine had certainly been to a funeral by that age.

I think it’s perfectly okay. Maybe in reception it might be unsettling, but otherwise I think she’s being very honest about her emotions and experience and not trying to hide it away, which is very healthy.

Definitely not.

I don’t think too young at all. You can’t bubble wrap children and if explained sensitively it’s a life lesson for them. Perhaps also she’s not entirely being herself. It’s not an easy job to fake joy all the time.

One of the children has probably asked why she was off and that's why she has told them, the teacher that said she's using them as an emotional crutch? I dont understand you, you say your a teacher yet you say she is using the children as an emotional crutch? You better than anyone should know children ask questions so what was she to do lie?

No. I told mine. And the parents.

A couple of parents knew that she was ill so when I had a couple of days off, they were worried. They were very kind - in the same way as I am kind if they tell to tell me that their relative has died and can I keep an eye on their child.

YABU.
Supply not Sub.

We desperately need to incorporate death back into life and stop shielding kids from it imo. Death becomes a source of great fear as its outside the common experience and it shouldn’t be. It’s one thing we will all encounter personally or before that with others. Dying can be awful and hard and painful but death itself should be understood as part of the human experience. This teacher was within her rights to share that and dare I say right in doing so.

I wouldn’t be upset at all. My DD is 7 and we’ve discussed, in an age-appropriate way, what happens when someone dies. My maternal family doesn’t talk about it at all, and it’s lead to all sorts of repressed emotions and anger.

I’m so confused by this, why is this age inappropriate to talk about death? (I’m not 100% sure what age year 4/5 is but from comments I’m assuming 8/9/10) If, god forbid, a family member died, would you not tell them? My daughter’s granda died when she had just turned 3 so she has known about death since then and it hasn’t affected her negatively in any way. Except of course that she misses her granda

Totally normal and age appropriate. I’m more worried that you think it’s not.

I've worked with children for 28 years, and 'All about me' is a topic covered ALL the time...describing their families, homes etc, so it's s natural progression for the children to ask about our own families. Unfortunately my own father died when I was 2 so when the children ask me about him I just say he lives in heaven with the twinkling stars. Obviously I don't tell them the details. Would you rather I made up a story to protect them from knowing that people die OP? I wasn't offered that same protection when my dad died, and many other children who lose parents aren't either. It's a part of life, and they WILL lose someone at some point in their lives. Talking about death in an age appropriate way develops their emotional maturity and empathy.

By the time my son was in Year 2, he had lost his Nanny after a battle with cancer, two of his classmates (siblings) had lost their mother and one of the teachers in his year group had passed away unexpectedly. Being honest and supportive about what had happened in an age appropriate way underpinned all of this, from us and from the school - it is part of life, just like birth.

As a teacher (though in secondary), when my own mother died suddenly, after I came back to work I did briefly inform all my classes why I had been off. I wasn't doing this "for sympathy", rather, to avoid any awkward comments, misconceptions and uncertainty after I had "disappeared" from school with no warning.

i was 2, 6, 9 and 12 when my grandparents died and remember all but the first. I don’t know why you think children shouldn’t know that it happens.

The head told them how long I’d be off for and why. It’s also good for parents to know because, unfortunately, some of them can give teachers a hard time for being absent.

I wish they had done this for me. I went back in and my first day was parents evening. A parent said to me I hope you are going to sort yourself out because it isn’t acceptable missing so much school. I had been off for two weeks, her child missed a month when her grandparent died earlier in the year. I responded with let’s hope next time my Dad dies he does it in school holidays.

Don’t be daft

My DD at the age of 8 stood up in front of everyone at my dad’s funeral and did a little tribute to her grandad. She was fully aware of what death was at that age and probably way younger. Sorry OP but you’re being ridiculous.

What if one of the kids had asked the teacher how her mum was? Was she supposed to lie and say she’s fine?

Do you think children get to year 4/5 and no one they know has ever died or they have not heard of it?

If it's age inappropriate to tell the class about a death, then I hope schools are filtering through every single book in the school to remove references to death.

Harry Potter has been rewritten for a new generation. In this version, Harry isn't an orphan, Dumbledore is still Head and Severus Snape is never defeated. Also there are no ghosts.

The Romans all got along amazingly and are still alive today. In 1066 at Hastings, the Normans rocked up on the beach had a good chat with the Anglo-Saxon King and mutually agreed that William would be better at the job. Harold is still enjoying his long retirement in Brighton. During the Great Fire of London, just a few houses burn down. During the plague (and during COVID), people got a bit sick but everyone was fine in the end. As for the dinosaurs and fossils and archaeology generally...

Honest to god, have people's brains fallen out?!

When my kids were in primary, one of their teachers died and her daughter was a teacher in the school also. So what should the school have done then Op?