Would you be upset if your child's teacher told the class her mum had died?

[MonBlu]

She left a couple of weeks ago because her mum was sick and there was a sub since. Now she's back and told the kids that her mum died. It seems very young for them to have to think about mums dying. They're Year 4 / 5.

I’m sorry but no it isn’t too young they are most likely all almost 9/10 if they are year 4/5. The children deserve honesty!
I told a class of year 3/4 children when I was upset because my dog died! I was 8 months pregnant though so don’t judge me 🤦‍♀️

I’m a teacher and I would share something like this at an appropriate age. I think it’s important.

Parents dying is a staple of children’s films so it definitely won’t be the first time they’ve encountered the idea. It’s healthy for children to think about and empathise with what others may be going through.

I have a class where two children have lost a parent. I think it’s important to talk about these things and if we feel sad.

I think it’s bizarre you think we shouldn’t.

This happened to DD in reception. It never occurred to me that it shouldn’t have been said.

Children’s stories are full of death and orphans.

Really? I’m a teacher and I don’t think it’s inappropriate at all. Of course I don’t tell my class everything, but they know I have a son. I’ve spoken to parents about my impending wedding. I’ve been at my current school for over ten years so I’ve lived a lot of life experiences there and have taught some of their children more than once, and also some siblings!
I remain professional but also show that I am human whilst maintaining good relationships with them. It’s a strategy that works really well as they trust me!

I remember going to the funeral of a class mate at that age, the whole year group went to the church. We felt sad for our friend but it wasn't a huge trauma, especially at that age you already know about death on some level.

You know that by age 9 there will be children in the class who have lost immediate family members … AND talk about it with their peers, @MonBlu ?

I had lost a sibling by that age, and one of my friends had lost her twin. There was another little girl whose father had died. So that’s three off the top of my head in one primary class. How do you think we all knew about what had happened to each other?

20+ years ago when I was at primary school in year 4 (so aged 8-9yrs) I distinctly remember our teacher sitting us all down on the carpet and she was slightly crying and told us “I have some sad news, B’s daddy has died”. B was a boy in our class and we were all wondering why we hadn’t seen him for a while. I can picture the entire exchange between us and our teacher, even down to what colour cardigan she was wearing.
That was the first time I had really heard about death regarding someone I knew.

I don’t think we were too young to know this and it was told to us in a very gentle way.

My little GC were around when my OH was dying. They would pop up and down to his room and take him things he needed, and tell me when his catheter bag was full! They were 4 and 7 at the time.
They were able to absorb what was happening as a natural part of life.
Should the teacher have told her class? It all depends on context and how it was said. If the children asked why she had been away then why would she not tell them?

I am a teacher. I have also lost both my parents, and had time off work as a result. I told both my classes when I returned, as they were naturally curious as to why I had been off work. That’s the nature of children! Both times, we were able to have a lovely conversation about losing someone close to you - many of the children experience loss of a grandparent / pet / older relative and it’s good to be able to be open and honest about how it feels.

No, of course not. What a bizarre attitude. As previous posters have said, it's perfectly normal and healthy for children not to be shielded from the subject of death. Also, speaking as a teacher, it's better if children realise their teachers are actual human beings with home lives and to whom normal things happen.

It’s good she said that

When I was teaching the children sometimes seemed to think you went into a cupboard at the end of the day, they didn't see you as a person at all.
I didn't realise at the time that the parents would actually prefer it if you did. God forbid you behave like a human being 🙄

Of course not. Death is part of life and wrapping kids in cotton wool really isn't healthy.

No not inappropriate at all, and I am staggered that this is your reaction, rather than having sympathy for the poor woman. Were you perhaps thinking of complaining to the head? Getting her in trouble maybe?

And of course children this age should have a basic understanding of the concept of life and death - if yours doesn't I would say you are failing them, and it's a good job the teacher is there to put that right.

Genuinely sorry if I sound harsh here - I usually try not to be mean to strangers - but this is one of the most staggeringly callous and self-absorbed threads I have seen for a while. This woman has lost her mom, and all you care about is the (absolutely minimal) impact this will have on your child.

My thoughts are with her.

Death is normal. Are we at the stage where we have to normalise death so children realise yes it’s sad but not every death affects them.

Of course it's fine that she told them. At any age. My daughter's class had to deal (and still are) with the death of their little classmate at the age of 9 last year. It's been heartbreaking, but the kids have done really well. I think your head needs a wobble OP.

My daughter is in year three. Her teacher was off last month and came back and told the class she’d lost her mum.
My daughter had some questions for me when she got home and was an upset on behalf of her teacher. The next day she took in flowers and told her teacher “I’m so sorry to hear about your mum”

It’s a really important part of life. I was grateful the teacher was open and gave us an opportunity to have these discussions.

Another OP who thinks teachers should be robots. Only talk to the kids about maths and spelling, anything else is inappropriate.

Completely ignoring the fact that kids learn best from teachers they like and have a rapport with.

No I wouldn’t be upset she told them at that age

Maybe yes it's young but also I think maybe the teacher was just very proud of her mom and is her way of grieving her and she could just still be very much in shock maybe just say sorry for your loss and family is thinking of her at this sad time.

My teacher died suddenly in my first year of school so age 6 .She was there one day and gone the next .We were all told at assembly by our Headmaster what had happened .I can still remember it .We coped .The following year a classmate died .We were sad but we coped
You cannot and should not protect your children from death.Its the circle of life

I don’t think too young at all. You can’t bubble wrap children and if explained sensitively it’s a life lesson for them. Perhaps also she’s not entirely being herself. It’s not an easy job to fake joy all the time.