Would you be upset if your child's teacher told the class her mum had died?

[MonBlu]

She left a couple of weeks ago because her mum was sick and there was a sub since. Now she's back and told the kids that her mum died. It seems very young for them to have to think about mums dying. They're Year 4 / 5.

So 8/9 years old then? Absolutely thru should know about death at this age.

A woman has lost her mother. Try to have a little compassion. I’m using it now to restrain myself from telling you what I really think about your overprotectiveness. Its easy to do.

I think it's great she told them and didn't try and hide it or avoid it.

I thought you were going to say preschool age! Yr4/5 will likely already have experience if death, and if not then you can’t hide it, and I’m sure the teacher would have conveyed it in an age specific way. By this point, over all my kids there had been a few parent deaths at school as well as the deaths of other pupils.

If pupils died (not at school, but car accidents etc), the school would tell the kids sensitively, there were councillors available if needed and invariably there would be a memory bench. Keep in mind, sometimes siblings of the dead child were still at the school.

If parents died, there was not the same supports, but kids in the class were told what had happened to warn them that the child may be sad on return, and the general advice seemed to be don’t talk/ask about it but if the child talks about it, then that’s fine and it’s okay they are sad.

The sooner children are exposed to the concept of death the better. Allow them to ask questions, process it, especially if they have pets, because those fuckers are guaranteed to die.
We have to stop this mollycoddling of kids. Raising a generation of uninformed, uncurious children will bugger thexworld more than it is already

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest, my 9 year old lost her grandfather last year she knows people die, I would rather people said these things you can't shield them forever

I would be very surprised that a child of that age didn't realize that people die.

This is an opportunity for you to have a conversation with your child.

Wouldn't and didn't bother me at all when DD's teacher was absent for the same reason. We had a quick chat about it, and that was it. Has your child never watched a Disney movie? Or heard of Cinderella or other fairy tales?

We used to do it better. We bought the person home until the funeral. If you were Northern, one's front room was generally reserved for 'the vicar and bodies', rather than living/playing.
Kids, indeed family and friends viewed/sat with the body. No scariness, no woo-woo. Just a person that once breathed. People mourned, talked about the person, and chose their final outfit.
We used to have professional mourners to attend the funeral (not for Insta moments!)
We've regressed in out attitudes. It's pathetic. We are all going to die.

My class of ten year olds were told when my dad died. I asked the head to tell them as it is comforting for children to know where you are and when you’ll be back. I left very suddenly, halfway through a day, then planned to have two weeks compassionate leave. The head told them how long I’d be off for and why. It’s also good for parents to know because, unfortunately, some of them can give teachers a hard time for being absent.

The children were not upset by it, they didn’t know him. When I came back, I just said I was glad to be back and pleased to see them all. Someone asked about it, and I told them I’d had two weeks to be with my mum and siblings, that there were lots of things to sort out, and that although it was all very sad, it had been wonderful to all be together and we’d had a lovely celebration of his life. I didn’t tell them the gory details, nor did I cry to them.

So… a person who spends 30 hours a week with your child is grieving and suffered a loss, and you’re here moaning about it online rather than suggesting to the class WhatsApp group that you all pitch in a few quid for a lovely bunch of flowers and a sympathy card?

No. Why would you. Death is part of life.

No

9 year olds? You are being ridiculous if this has really upset/annoyed you. Where is your compassion, I really hope you are not planning to raise an issue about it.

My kids both have friends who have lost parents. It’s unfortunately part of life. Can’t really understand why anyone would lie about it. I hope your child’s teacher is doing okay and some kinder parents organised a card or similar.

What would you have wanted her to say?

No, of course I wouldn’t be upset.

Why? Are you upset about it?

Absolutely not and I would send them in with flowers the next time they are in.

I think it's great that children learn that people die, it can happen to anybody (even their teacher!) and that people are honest about it. Why should the teacher lie? Or do you think children should be told that their dog's 'gone to a farm' or 'gone to heaven'? Lying about it is pointless and ridiculous.

My mum died a month ago tomorrow and I’m still signed off work, so I take my hat off to her for being back.

my kids are 8 and 10 and have lost a beloved grandmother and have been very sad. All of their friends are aware.

The pain associated with losing a mum is huge, I can’t imagine it would be a good thing to expect her to pretend like nothing happened. I’m totally supportive of her sharing the reality of her life so that kids may understand that death is a part of life.

This is the most self absorbed thing I have heard for a while.

Not too young at all.

My DS understood people died pre reception...he lost a sister

I read that the children were age 4 or 5, and I was going to say I think it is okay to say that someone has died in an age appropriate way. I explained to my kids, 3 and 5, that their friends grandad died recently. I did it sensitively and they understood.

Then I read it was YEAR 4 and 5, which is like 8 or 9? Of course it was okay for your teacher to say her mum died. She is an important person in those kid's life and she was brave enough to show vulnerability and help them develop empathy!

What makes you think the teacher was looking for support or sympathy? It was probably just a statement of fact.

Not at all. The children will naturally ask where she has been, and she has given them an honest reply.

Perfectly sensible. At 9 they know that people die. It's part of life.

8 and 9 year olds are not too young to think about death. They will all face death at some point -grandparents, pets…

Good grief, can teachers do anything right in the eyes of some parents??