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Original poster

To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

743 replies

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 00:41

DS is due to marry his girlfriend soon and they have recently announced they’re going to double barrel. I am not against double barrelled surnames and I do of course understand that it’s 2025 and more of a modern concept to keep it “fair”. However it’s truly just too long. Her surname is really quite long, along the lines of Williamson and we have a 2 syllable 8 letter one! I have asked him what he wants and he said originally he didn’t consider it and did think it would just be his surname, until she spoke up about what she wanted and he was open to it and said yes. I asked if he responded to it at all and questioned the practicality and he just says no he didn’t because it’s not a big deal. I think he is completely undermining how much of a burden having to keep repeating and spelling the double barrelled names will be, especially as they are hoping for children one day. I get it’s his life but what is the general opinion on this? I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back. Grandparents are horrified but I have tried to explain it’s more usual nowadays and DH doesn’t like it at all but hasn’t said anything yet

OP posts:
RatedDoingMagic · 06/04/2025 06:03

Yabu

And I bet you wouldn't be whinging if your daughter was going double-barrelled and keeping her link to her wider family identity. Sexism.

Double-barrelling can be inconvenient at times but it's none of your business.

Please don't be the MIL who every year "accidentally" addresses the Christmas card/birthday cards with the format of names they would have adopted if it was still 1950. Nothing says "I disrespect you" to a DIL more than failing to even register her name, no matter how nice you pretend to be when you see her. Especially if you also "forget" if she prefers not to use the "Mrs" title.

FortyElephants · 06/04/2025 06:04

orangegato · 06/04/2025 06:00

Very serious question, as more and more people double barrel, when two people with ‘already’ double barrelled names get married, what on earth happens?

Do they quadruple barrel? Pick half of each? Just don’t get this at all.

People I know have taken one surname from each parent. That's the Spanish method which they have managed to do successfully for a very long time.

CheshireDing · 06/04/2025 06:04

If I were them I would keep my own individual surnames, but the DC would need to be double barrelled so it's only pausing the issue anyway !🤷‍♀️🤣

Their DC will just have to have short first names like Lee, Zoe etc. it will be fine

Panicatthegarden · 06/04/2025 06:06

I didn't like the sound of our names double barreled as I thought it was a bit clunky so we ended up taking the first part of his surname and the last part of mine and putting them together to create a whole new surname. But if they're happy double barreling I'd leave them to it

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 06/04/2025 06:10

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:00

To be fair, I am not horrified, I think that’s just their generation. I don’t think him just taking her surname is fair and nor do I think DS would want to completely lose his. I am nice to her! I am not sure how it’s come to the conclusion I’m awful to her just because I think the surname will be a pain for everyone and living to regret something like that isn’t ideal. He would do absolutely anything for her and I truly believe he would compromise what he wants/his happiness for hers and as much as it’s how it should be with regards to him doing anything for her, I don’t think he should give up on everything he cares about

In the nicest way OP... This statement comes across as horribly sexist...

Fupoffyagrasshole · 06/04/2025 06:11

Hoe would you feel if your son kept his name and she kept hers and the children were given her name not his? (This is what we’ve done)

Ariel896 · 06/04/2025 06:14

What horrifies the grandparents exactly? What a massive overreaction

StartAnew · 06/04/2025 06:14

It’s more important to the couple to use both their names than to have the convenience of a short one. It’ll be fine and if it isn’t, they can shorten it later.

Caerulea · 06/04/2025 06:14

RickiRaccoon · 06/04/2025 01:25

If the genuine reason is the length of the name, I get it could be annoying for the person with the really long name but not for anyone else. I'd just be proud your son is open-minded enough to do something different to get around what is quite a sexist tradition.

There are a few people who get around the length by merging the 2 surnames into a single unique new surname. Williamson-Thompson could be Wompson.

I now want to change my own name to Wompson!!

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 06/04/2025 06:17

They abu on the grounds of taste and etiquette. Unless one is born with a silver spoon in one's mouth and one's dad owns half of Leicester, dounle-barrelled names scream either nouveau-riche or just a bit...eew.

sunshineandshowers40 · 06/04/2025 06:21

I'm not really seeing the issue- it's their name and their choice. So many people have double-barrelled surnames now that this is a non-issue.

Being honest, are you annoyed your son is changing his name?

UserNo987654321 · 06/04/2025 06:22

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:47

Do people genuinely never have concerns over their children? I understand it’s not my name and it’s not something I will have to deal with but do people not think about their children and their decisions?

Yes I have concerns about my young adult DC, heathly, happy and thriving. Not about this sort of thing which isn’t anyone else’s business but theirs.

orangegato · 06/04/2025 06:24

Panicatthegarden · 06/04/2025 06:06

I didn't like the sound of our names double barreled as I thought it was a bit clunky so we ended up taking the first part of his surname and the last part of mine and putting them together to create a whole new surname. But if they're happy double barreling I'd leave them to it

I love this so much! I am not married to my partner but have done this for my cat at the vet: think White and Jenkins (Whitekins) but less silly.

Roselilly36 · 06/04/2025 06:26

Not something I would comment on at all, totally their choice.

FridayNight1975 · 06/04/2025 06:26

i think it’s fine because i’m from a country where we use two surnames (and yes, some are very long), so you get used to saying both them all the time.

Caerulea · 06/04/2025 06:28

Fwiw I think it speaks positive volumes of your son!

I fully regret changing my name on my 2nd marriage having already learned what a ballache it was to have done it the first time! (special kind of stupid).

So I've been open about it with my three sons. It doesn't change how much I love their dad (DH) but I do resent none of my kids having my maiden name too. I mean eldest child had EXH surname who he's not seen for 20 fucking years till he changed it himself as a father's day gift to DH.

Eitherway - the outcome is eldest had absolutely no issues with his partner wanting DGS to have her surname alone (something I encouraged tbh, cos she was originally defaulting to tradition). Ultimately he knows neither his son nor his partner are his possessions as per tradition.

Tradition rarely, if ever, benefits women, so fuck 'em.

DeskJotter · 06/04/2025 06:30

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:00

To be fair, I am not horrified, I think that’s just their generation. I don’t think him just taking her surname is fair and nor do I think DS would want to completely lose his. I am nice to her! I am not sure how it’s come to the conclusion I’m awful to her just because I think the surname will be a pain for everyone and living to regret something like that isn’t ideal. He would do absolutely anything for her and I truly believe he would compromise what he wants/his happiness for hers and as much as it’s how it should be with regards to him doing anything for her, I don’t think he should give up on everything he cares about

But he doesn't care about it; you do.

pelargoniums · 06/04/2025 06:30

The state of you all, OP. The grandparents are “horrified”? Your OP makes you sound about 102, so how old are they? You’re not just being unreasonable, you’re being ridiculous.

I’ve had a double barrel, no hyphen, my entire life: one surname quite tricky, the other undeniably forrin. Absolute bastard to spell, forms a very long email, and you know how much burden it’s caused me? Absolutely none.

Support your son. Don’t be that MIL.

Mnlp · 06/04/2025 06:31

I do think it’s fair to say it’s slightly different for her to give it up vs DS

The misogyny is coming from inside the house...

DeskJotter · 06/04/2025 06:37

I do think it’s fair to say it’s slightly different for her to give it up vs DS.

Why?

Shoxfordian · 06/04/2025 06:40

Yabu op, I hope you haven't said any of this to them

pelargoniums · 06/04/2025 06:43

orangegato · 06/04/2025 06:00

Very serious question, as more and more people double barrel, when two people with ‘already’ double barrelled names get married, what on earth happens?

Do they quadruple barrel? Pick half of each? Just don’t get this at all.

I’m one of four kids, all double-barrelled since birth, and we all now have children: two of us with fellow double-barrellers. For some reason, this question comes up repeatedly and has done since long before I could even reproduce. It seems to really bother people with singular surnames! I can tell you that those of us with double surnames barely think about it. (Too busy struggling under the weight of a childhood sounding like a law firm, plagued by our ridiculous nouveau long names, crying in therapy because how could our parents inflict so many letters, etc etc.)

It’s as simple as my parents’ choice to double-barrel us in the first place: we give the kids whatever surname we want! My children have their own, new, surname – not my double or their dad’s double. A new word, like the Fossil sisters in ballet shoes. My sister and her partner put all four names in a hat and picked one for the surname, one for a bonus middle name. My brother didn’t partner with a double surname but didn’t want a triple-barrel, so they gave the kids his girlfriend’s surname. Multiple options available. Think we all gave it less thought than it took me to type this post.

DeskJotter · 06/04/2025 06:49

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:47

Do people genuinely never have concerns over their children? I understand it’s not my name and it’s not something I will have to deal with but do people not think about their children and their decisions?

Not about whether their name will be "too long", no 😂

abracadabra1980 · 06/04/2025 06:49

Not your problem. Stay out of it.

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