To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

[MsArgent]

DS is due to marry his girlfriend soon and they have recently announced they’re going to double barrel. I am not against double barrelled surnames and I do of course understand that it’s 2025 and more of a modern concept to keep it “fair”. However it’s truly just too long. Her surname is really quite long, along the lines of Williamson and we have a 2 syllable 8 letter one! I have asked him what he wants and he said originally he didn’t consider it and did think it would just be his surname, until she spoke up about what she wanted and he was open to it and said yes. I asked if he responded to it at all and questioned the practicality and he just says no he didn’t because it’s not a big deal. I think he is completely undermining how much of a burden having to keep repeating and spelling the double barrelled names will be, especially as they are hoping for children one day. I get it’s his life but what is the general opinion on this? I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back. Grandparents are horrified but I have tried to explain it’s more usual nowadays and DH doesn’t like it at all but hasn’t said anything yet

For me. The bigger issue is virtue signalling. That being known by a name matters more than the actual commitment to each other. It’s surface dressing.

You don't want him to take her surname? Why not? It can't legitimately be because it would be too exhausting to type or write with a pen?

It is absolute unnecessary nonsensical bureaucracy. They seemed to make it as hard as they could for us to have child's name registered correctly to the point they wouldn't accept her UK birth certificate as proof of name as UK is not an EU country.

We have all our legal stuff sorted and did long before DC.

It's a serious question about double-barrelled surnames though. If both partners have a double-barrelled name how is it decided what names any DC have? I'm guessing people chose to double-barrell as they want to keep both their surnames so how does that work when you have 4 names to contend with?

I assume they choose as a couple which names to choose or they do it the spanish way

My DS and his gf will be double barrelling their surnames when they marry. Their DD already has their double barrelled surnames.

Their names are totally wild together tbh! DS surname is always misspelt and his gf surname is not British and difficult to pronounce and spell. I have honestly never even thought about the practicalities of this other than a mild wondering of the strategies we will use to help my DGD learn how to spell her surname!

There are a great many things about my DCs that I worry about as an adoring Mum and Nanny, but this is not one of them.

OP I think you are stressing about nothing.

What's they Spanish way?

"Horrified"? Are they usually given to such over-reaction?

Not you name, not your life, not your place to express any opinion

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Of course - but this is not worth a second thought. They're grown-ups and it's their choice.

Long names aren’t particularly unusual or difficult. Short names are more problematic as electronic forms sometimes need at least 3 letters to recognise a name. I wish we had double barrelled even though both ways round sounded daft - one way a piece of v common clinical equipment (we both worked in healthcare but even lay people would know it - it would be like being called Mrs rolling-pin or Mrs fitted-sheet), the other way is slang for prostitute in DHs 1st language. We decided on DHs only in the end on the basis of future dc had stronger links to my culture geographically so a last name from his might be better. “My perfectly ordinary name is fairly long” is not a real problem but weddings can be incredibly stressful, as can change and it’s easy to focus on non- problems as a distraction.

As someone with a long first name that can be legitimately spelt in a number of ways and a long foreign surname that requires spelling out regularly I can assure you that I’ve never once felt it was a ‘burden’. I’m also completely unbothered about spelling errors on occasion. It’s just not that important.

Someone on the thread has mentioned son in laws surname and turns out it has 7 letters 😳

so 9 and 7

and i am curious OP….whose name should ds1 and his husband have picked?

in your case you would prefer the female changes….otherwise its not ‘fair’

what should ds1 have done, its not a trick question i promise, they could have flipped a coin 😀

Ds1 first name is 8 letters long….i should probably have thought than one through 😀

So is DD’s.

DH’s surname is 9 letters and 3 syllables.
Mine is 6 and 2.

My dad messed up my sister’s name and she has 3 middle names. She’s always struggled to fit it on official forms!

My first name and surname have 6 letters each. Perfectly normal names but I have to spell them every time.

Horrified is what my mother was when I didn't change my name in 1988. She was worried the postman/woman would know we weren't married 😂. As if a South London postie knows or cares!!

My name is more unusual but I use DH's name when ordering a takeaway to save shouting a spelling over the phone. My teacher name is my double barrelled initials (imagine Mrs D-B) and we're known round here as the D-Bs. Personally I prefer just to introduce myself with my given name.

My kids are all double barrelled and sometimes use it, sometimes not. I still don't like the title Mrs.

DS is getting married in summer. His fiancee will keep her own name at work.

If my children are happy I couldn't give a monkey's what surname they choose to use. None of my business.

No women aren't more accepting of giving up their names.

They're just expected to swallow it by people like you.

You've internalised your misogyny and you're actively assisting enforcing patriarchy by saying its not fair for a man to completely give up his name but its okay to expect women to.

Equity that is not.

Take some time to reflect and read, so that if your DIL has kids you're not perpetuating patriarchy further down the generations.

DS is getting married in summer. His fiancee will keep her own name at work.

truly the worst of all worlds.

This!

Come on OP, nobody on here believes that your issue is the length/spelling of the name…

If it’s along the lines of Greenwood-Williamson they’re in luck. Friends just married and had a baby - they gave their daughter a 5 syllable double-barrelled first name and a 7 syllable double-barrelled surname from two extremely different ethnic backgrounds. I can assure you everyone in the couples age group just thought ‘that’s a mouthful’ and nothing beyond that. Because there are real issues in the world.

Have you suggested he takes her name instead?

The thing is, your friends will have picked up on your feelings and mirrored them as they won’t have wanted to fall out over something they couldn’t give a shit about.

Katrina Johnson - Thompson is doing ok isn’t she