To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

[MsArgent]

DS is due to marry his girlfriend soon and they have recently announced they’re going to double barrel. I am not against double barrelled surnames and I do of course understand that it’s 2025 and more of a modern concept to keep it “fair”. However it’s truly just too long. Her surname is really quite long, along the lines of Williamson and we have a 2 syllable 8 letter one! I have asked him what he wants and he said originally he didn’t consider it and did think it would just be his surname, until she spoke up about what she wanted and he was open to it and said yes. I asked if he responded to it at all and questioned the practicality and he just says no he didn’t because it’s not a big deal. I think he is completely undermining how much of a burden having to keep repeating and spelling the double barrelled names will be, especially as they are hoping for children one day. I get it’s his life but what is the general opinion on this? I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back. Grandparents are horrified but I have tried to explain it’s more usual nowadays and DH doesn’t like it at all but hasn’t said anything yet

Was he born a Spanish citizen? I am telling you that the Spanish government spent two years telling us our first childs surname should legally be my name + DHS father surname. It may be a regional thing but we had to go to Spanish embassys, UK embassys to get her surname acknowledged correctly.

I think you might have a problem with family history and honouring both sides of the family.

I’m speaking purely from a British perspective and how it is considered here. I have no knowledge of tradition in other countries so can’t comment.

This 💯

All name are made up, so I'm wondering do they become not made up once a certain amount of time has passed? Like if it's been say 400 years, will a surname that was originally made up turn into something that emerged independently of human invention? Enquiring minds want to know!

It doesn't matter.

In all the things that will ever matter in their relationship and your relationship to them, this one thing is unbelievably unimportant.

Please do not let it be a become a source of resentment which puts a barrier up between you and your son and possible grandchildren.

Let it go. It just does not matter at all.

Yeah your right, the silly little girlfriend really should know her place and just take the man’s surname

They could each keep their own name and the children could take their mother’s name.

Yes, his parents both gained citizenship as adults, but were both citizens (and living in spain) when he was born. I’m not sure where in spain he was born, but his children were all born in aragon.

You strike me as one of those women that fully embraces sexism when it benefits your special little prince 🙄 I'll bet if he does this, you will refuse to ever use her part of the name on cards.

Maybe they should both keep their own names, and the kids get her name seeing as she's the one who creates and births them. Fair?

It’s only a name. It’s not even legally binding and can be changed if they find it too clunky.
If this is the only concern you have then you’re very lucky, let them crack on, enjoy the wedding.

Portuguese-Spanish. Usually it's a combination of mother and fathers' surname, but in my case both of my surnames are from my father's side. I guess he was greedy with his names.

Of all the things in the world to spend any time worrying about, this is not one of them. Leave them to it. It’s their choice

So she should but not your son?

Didn't change my name when I married many years ago. No one approved. My parents. His parents (who just refused to acknowledge it). My grandparents. Whatever.

Your son's choice is his business. Not yours. Just be thankful he didn't take her surname because I can imagine that you'd have been horrified at that, while simultaneously expecting her to give up HER name.

What a ridiculous comment about insecurity and pretentiousness @Chenecinquantecinq! Perhaps it’s the men that are insecure as it’s normally them who would not entertain changing their name!

The tradition is based around the patriarchy, I am so confident and sure about myself I see it and call
it out.

One thing that always does emerge from these threads is that there really isn't one surname norm in the UK any more. There's a diversity of views, to the extent that it's not possible to make general assumptions. Of those people who notice and care enough to muster up an opinion, everything from outright snobbery to admiration are both realistic possibilities.

But there are also people who wouldn't approve of the GF taking his name on marriage, or them both keeping their own. There isn't a neutral default available, and you don't seem to have realised that OP.

Of course people do, but over real problems. This is a non-issue and nothing to do with you. The couple have decided what they want to do about THEIR names.

::Adds “insecure” to list of my parents’ crimes:: And here I thought they were just feminists.

It's their business and as long as they're BOTH happy with the choice made, then I don't see an issue. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't double barrel my maiden name with my married name as we'd sound like a stately home! Think of my maiden name as Manor, House, Hall etc, and you get the picture!! If they do find their double barreled surname too long, to be practical, then it's something they will find out for themselves. Even if you think they're making a mistake, and if it is, it will be their mistake, not yours. They will have to take steps to change it or put up with it!!

Also I have a double-barrelled surname. 5 letters in each name and I have to spell it all the time. To be fair I had to spell my own surname of 5 letters all the time before I double barrelled it! Makes me laugh as some of the spellings I've seen are so random!

Well presumably it didn't apply to him as parents didn't have Spanish surnames in first place so it doesn't apply the same way. But legally a child should get a both parents FIRST surname, which was traditionally the fathers. Try are allowed to put in whatever order they want.

Here we go again. His girlfriend 'spoke up' did she? It's all her doing, she has manipulated him, yes?

I honestly couldn't care less if my kids done this. It's their life and their choice, you sound over bearing. Keep your nose out their business.

@MsArgent - given you don’t want him to take just her surname, the implicit sexism driving your thinking is very clear. Why are you so quick to want the female element of the name removed? Why is that so okay with you? Why is your future DIL not allowed to express a view on her own surname? Why should she just accept that her surname vanishes? Do her parents matter less than you do? Honestly, OP - your attitudes are pretty shocking.

Spanish and some Polish people use double-barrelled surnames. They manage fine, despite the length and (to me anyway) apparent complexity of the names. This is entirely about your and your husband’s feelings about preserving your family surname as a single surname. Other people will not care.