To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

[MsArgent]

DS is due to marry his girlfriend soon and they have recently announced they’re going to double barrel. I am not against double barrelled surnames and I do of course understand that it’s 2025 and more of a modern concept to keep it “fair”. However it’s truly just too long. Her surname is really quite long, along the lines of Williamson and we have a 2 syllable 8 letter one! I have asked him what he wants and he said originally he didn’t consider it and did think it would just be his surname, until she spoke up about what she wanted and he was open to it and said yes. I asked if he responded to it at all and questioned the practicality and he just says no he didn’t because it’s not a big deal. I think he is completely undermining how much of a burden having to keep repeating and spelling the double barrelled names will be, especially as they are hoping for children one day. I get it’s his life but what is the general opinion on this? I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back. Grandparents are horrified but I have tried to explain it’s more usual nowadays and DH doesn’t like it at all but hasn’t said anything yet

I have a long Welsh first name which I almost always have to spell. I also have a fairly long double barrelled surname which I also have to spell (DH and DS share the surname). DH and I decided to do the same as your DS has when we married.

Spelling it all out takes seconds and isn't an issue at all. It is just such a minor thing in my life but I love that our surname is a combination and that I retain my original surname within it.

I know so many couple who have done the same thing when getting married, it is really quite common now and no-one will bat an eyelid.

Some friends of ours merged their names to create a shorter new one, suppose that could be an option but it doesn’t sound like your son minds the double barrel too much?

My daughter and her husband did a ‘beauty contest’,for want of a better description, of their 4 parents family names. Chose the one they liked best and both changed to it. I thought that was a wonderful way of doing it.

He would do absolutely anything for her and I truly believe he would compromise what he wants/his happiness for hers and as much as it’s how it should be with regards to him doing anything for her...

Of course he does and I am sure she does the same. They love each other and want to be happy together. Have you never compromised for your husband, OP?

Because they are for the reasons I already stated in the post you quoted. It just seems like an immature need for attention and to be 'different' and who gives a fuck how it affects children.

I like this idea too, but by the way the OP is acting no doubt the whole family would be in despair at this.

I can’t think of many times when I’ve had to spell out my name recently? Over the phone to the insurance perhaps? But very rarely since pretty much everything is now in writing online, via email, via online form, via online chat…

There are some really hysterical nutters on scumsnet, who love to scream abuse at people for - basically - anything. It's a bit of a daft question, but no need at all for any of the vitriol.

You can ask to have the thread taken down if you're fed up with the abuse OP.

How do you think it will affect the children?

I double barrelled when I married, but after a few years I got fed up of saying and writing the whole thing, so I dropped my maiden name.

My friends merged their surnames when they got married and created a new one so say West and Hunt they made it Went. (Not a great example and it was longer). Would you want them to do that like McWilliamsworth for example? Or would you prefer it’s double barreled so at least your family is preserved?!

The surname seems like a trivial issue and very strange there’s so much outrage about it what’s the worst it could be Macdonald- Williamson? That’s fine. I expect the outrage is more to do with the fact she won’t just take his surname as people expect.

I never understood just how people muster any fucks to give with nonsense like that.. A name? Really? Too long, too clunky. But.. SO WHAT? It's not YOUR name, it's his.

You're interfering. You, your husband, grandparents. You have no right to dictate what name should he pick and if you keep badgering him about it - he'll fade you out.

As for not caring for one's children. Of course I do. I care that she's happy, smart, self-assured, healthy, has friends, safe, loved. My daughter also wants to change her name, the name I gave her. Do I care? No I don't.

She has a 'normal', classic European name, not something like Chardonnay or XXFTGHH953@. But it's her name, for her to use and if she doesn't like it - she's free to change it to the one she loves, no problem with me. A surname wouldn't even register.

I'd prefer a shorter surname, personally. Don't like the double-barrelled ones. But it's just me, not for me to dictate what other people should do with theirs.

Bet they’re the paternal grandparents.

Yes, it screams pretentious twats.

This comes across like you’ve always expected him to brand your DGC and are not taking it well that they won’t just have your surname. You wouldn’t post this about a daughter.

It is nothing to do with you. I double barrelled and it was fine. I also got divorced and switched my name back and that was also fine. I wouldn’t tell people not to double barrel even though I’ve lived with and without it.

Hi OP,

I think the problem is that many many threads on here are from women who are at their wits' end because of overbearing MILs who have nothing better to do but meddle in their childrens' lives. It really is a constant running theme here.

They are going to make loads of decisions that you hate, and if you can't manage to chill then it's going to be incredibly difficult for everyone.

If the name is Greenwood-Williamson, then they will be called Mr and Mrs G-W and that will be fine.

Prepare yourself for the first child being called Tiger-Lilly Greenwood-Williamson. It probably will happen.

Good luck.

Katarina Johnson-Thompson seems to get ok perfectly well with two longer surnames double barrelled together and commentators seem to manage saying her name without tripping over it. You’ve also said about having to spell the names. I have to spell my first and last names every single time for people and they are both relatively common and normal spelling. It’s just life.

No, I am not out of step.
Just bacause some agree that it's ok, doesn't make it acceptable to most in society. Or at least, those who care what they look and sound like.

Exactly.

I would be absolutely raging if I found out my future in laws had all been casting scorn on me for wanting to keep my name. And it would be a cold day in hell before I grew an entire human, birthed them and committed to raising and caring for them for the rest of my days…and not being relevant enough for that child to have my name.

So what surname would you use and give your children?

Either one, it doesn't really worry me.

I think this idea of double names is just silly. But no point in saying anything. Just let them get on with it.

Double barrels are stupid simply because it can only happen once and we can’t keep double barrelling our names (I.e if my DP and I chose to double barrel for ‘fairness’ that doesn’t give the option to our children as they’d be triple (or quadruple) barrelling). That said, if my child decided to do it I’d simply say what a lovely idea and let them deal with any complications.

None of the effects you cited were an issue: I was a young, innocent child with such a long name. Not an issue. (Not even when random words are bolded!) I didn’t sound like a law firm, not an issue there. My parents filled in forms when I was younger; I do it now: it’s some extra letters, not an issue. I had to LEARN my name, omg. (It was easy.) I had to… deal with it? That’s one of your issues, right? That children are carrying this huge burden with their big names? But I didn’t have anything to deal with, because none of this is a problem.

If anything, the effect on children is positive: teaching them that women are equal, that sort of thing. Could lead to revolutionary thinking. Don’t let it worry you.