Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This dad who’s always carrying his reception aged DD

249 replies

isithey · 05/04/2025 07:55

It is really cute, however gives my DD ideas of being carried too and I just can’t !

there is quite a walk from the car park to the classroom at my DDs school and this one dad ALWAYS carries his DD the whole way there and the whole way back.

wherever my DD sees this, she wants to be carried too ! But she’s absolutely huge. She’s only 5 but already bigger than the average 6 year old. The little girl being carried is much, much smaller than my DD.

I can barely carry her anymore.

when do people generally stop carrying their kids ?

I occasionally carry my 3 year old, but not a lot. I enjoy it, I must admit. So I do get why this dad does it. Super cute.

how long did you carry your kid around ?

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 05/04/2025 07:56

Mine were all big babies, they didn’t get carried after about 2.

TeenToTwenties · 05/04/2025 07:58

Mine was small and I could carry her up to age 6 if needed.

SockQueen · 05/04/2025 07:59

DS2 is 6 and big for his age. I can only carry him in my arms for a very short way now, but can piggyback him much further - would that be a possibility if you really want to try?

DS1 broke his leg last year aged 7 and I had to carry him for some things like transferring to the toilet etc, before he got started on crutches. I nearly gave myself a hernia!

Buckarooo · 05/04/2025 08:02

DD is 5. I carry her only when absolutely necessary! And thats maybe for a minute or two. She's so heavy and long!

NeedSomeComfy · 05/04/2025 08:03

I still carry my 5 year old sometimes. She's my only and to be honest it's hard to know she's growing up so when I carry her she still feels a bit like my baby again. But I can't do it for extended periods now (and I also think I shouldn't because it's good for her to walk).
I did have a similar moment to you in a park the other day when a dad was throwing his similarly-aged kid up in the air. My daughter asked for it too but she's 20 kgs and my arms just won't take it now!

Buckarooo · 05/04/2025 08:03

NeedSomeComfy · 05/04/2025 08:03

I still carry my 5 year old sometimes. She's my only and to be honest it's hard to know she's growing up so when I carry her she still feels a bit like my baby again. But I can't do it for extended periods now (and I also think I shouldn't because it's good for her to walk).
I did have a similar moment to you in a park the other day when a dad was throwing his similarly-aged kid up in the air. My daughter asked for it too but she's 20 kgs and my arms just won't take it now!

My 5yo is 20kg 😅

IainTorontoNSW · 05/04/2025 08:03

@isithey

It worries me that so many parents/carers/owners find it so hard to leave children, pets and companion animals on the ground.

The dogs and cats have four legs and ambulant kids have two. Let them all do their own thing moving with the family.

And, an extra note to the school mums and dads ... LET YOUR children 4-17 years carry/wear their own school bags, backpacks and swimming bags to and fro. Kids are wonderful at taking on basic responsibilities if they are given the opportunity.

Dawnchorussinging · 05/04/2025 08:05

I would have thought it would be much better for the child if this guy encouraged it to walk at least part of the way itself.

Sounds more to me as though he is in a hurry and him carrying all the way both ways is more about him saving his own time than benefiting the child. So I don't see it as "cute".

Oneearringlost · 05/04/2025 08:06

By the time my DD was 4 and a half, she'd already got a 2 and a half year old sibling and a 6 month old sibling.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 05/04/2025 08:06

He's babying his daughter and, frankly, it's all about making the school drop quicker and easier for him. You need to say to your DD that's she's a big girl and doesn't need carrying.

FortyElephants · 05/04/2025 08:07

I don't think carrying a 5 year old is cute or very helpful.

Buckarooo · 05/04/2025 08:08

IainTorontoNSW · 05/04/2025 08:03

@isithey

It worries me that so many parents/carers/owners find it so hard to leave children, pets and companion animals on the ground.

The dogs and cats have four legs and ambulant kids have two. Let them all do their own thing moving with the family.

And, an extra note to the school mums and dads ... LET YOUR children 4-17 years carry/wear their own school bags, backpacks and swimming bags to and fro. Kids are wonderful at taking on basic responsibilities if they are given the opportunity.

Mine is 5 and carries her book bag and stuff into school, but I carry it home for her, she is visibly exhausted coming out of her classroom, and we walk 15 minutes home.
She has her own swimming bag and loves the responsibility of getting it from car, carrying it, putting it in her own locker etc.

mikado1 · 05/04/2025 08:08

I definitely wasn't carrying mine at that age and certainly not at the school gates but so what if this dad is, let them do what suits them and you do what suits you. You can't carry your DD, and likely don't want to, and that is AOK. It's not on him to police his habits because of other people's DC!

LightDrizzle · 05/04/2025 08:10

My guesses as to why he does are as follows and it could be a combination.

Maybe he finds it quicker and easier as she’s less likely to whinge or faff. It may have started when she was younger and he hated faffing about with bloody pushchairs so preferred to carry her as often as possible on short trips and errands. Kilogram for kilogram men are much stronger than women and he probably much bigger than you so carrying her is probably the equivalent to him in exertion terms to you carrying a two year old.

Maybe it’s become their “thing” like we all have special things we do with our children, and he likes the closeness first thing before school, her mum’s thing might be pretending to be the Big Bad Wolf outside the Wendy House.

The least likely or charitable reason is that he thinks it makes him look strong and that everyone’s knickers will fall down like they did over that 80s Athena poster of the topless man holding a baby.

There’s no way I could have carried mine much distance when they were 5 as I’m spectacularly feeble. Just say you’re not strong enough and that it’s not going to change when your daughter nags.

Mumof2girls2121 · 05/04/2025 08:14

Personal choice, my partner will carry our 12 year old on his shoulders occasionally 😂

BlackeyedSusan · 05/04/2025 08:15

11 (mine were small end of the class)

Due to disabilities or injuries.

Less than 4 years later one of them was picking me up!

EatMoreChocolate44 · 05/04/2025 08:15

I have weak arms, my arms get tired drying my hair 😂. Not a medical condition 😂so once they could walk I didn't really carry them much. Obviously I would lift them but I just didn't have the strength to carry them any real distance. Worked in my favour I guess as they just had to accept I wasn't going to carry them when we were out and about.

KvotheTheBloodless · 05/04/2025 08:17

Lol, I still occasionally carry my 7-year-old DS, who is very tall. It probably makes me look ridiculous, but I don't care - I love the extra snuggles, and it won't be too much longer before I either won't be able to do it, or he won't let me.

There's no 'right' or 'wrong' way to do this. You can do what works for you as a family.

Glassesonoroff · 05/04/2025 08:19

We have to carry our reception dd (4) a huge amount as she’s autistic and has some very severe vestibular issues. Maybe there’s a chance this child has some kind of medical issue as well ? I don’t see many other children in reception being carried so I guess it’s quite unusual so I’d be assuming there might be something else going on and just reassure your dd she is ok and can walk then change the subject?

Oganesson118 · 05/04/2025 08:19

Well I pulled a muscle in my back lifting my 8 year old last week! To be fair it was because we were at the theatre and everyone stood during the finale. I don't think I've carried her regularly since she was 3ish.

BlackeyedSusan · 05/04/2025 08:21

I could at a push probably still carry my 18 year old in an emergency. I'd hope my 16 year old would carry me in an emergency. We're fucked if he needs help as he's built like a brick shit house.

fallingandlaughing · 05/04/2025 08:24

I still occasionally carry my 8yo! Not for very far though. I couldn't manage my teenager, however.

Funnywonder · 05/04/2025 08:29

Neither of my two particularly liked being carried after about 2yo, except when they were meeting new people and were feeling a bit insecure. Occasionally DS1 would sit down on the pavement and refuse to budge and I had to carry him home, but it was a phase and he was only about 3. I was pregnant at the time, which might explain his behaviour, but it also made carrying him a bit more tricky😆 I certainly wouldn’t have been carrying any school age child unless they were injured.

notacooldad · 05/04/2025 08:30

I dont think it's cute at all.
Why treat children like babies?

I'd help to carry in extreme cases, eg they hurt themselves when we were out, or any other specific reason they needed help but once they can walk a reasonable distance then no carrying from me.

And, an extra note to the school mums and dads ... LET YOUR children 4-17 years carry/wear their own school bags, backpacks and swimming bags to and fro. Kids are wonderful at taking on basic responsibilities if they are given the opportunity.
Absolutely!! I would go further with my views but I would sound like the world's strictest mother!!!

Squiggletime · 05/04/2025 08:36

My DS starts reception this September and it’s looking like I’ll have to do the same! He’s autistic and if I let him walk it’d take us 2 hours. He tries to run off, throws himself on the floor, it’s just a nightmare getting
him to walk anywhere. He doesn’t understand. Maybe it could be something like this?