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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This dad who’s always carrying his reception aged DD

249 replies

isithey · 05/04/2025 07:55

It is really cute, however gives my DD ideas of being carried too and I just can’t !

there is quite a walk from the car park to the classroom at my DDs school and this one dad ALWAYS carries his DD the whole way there and the whole way back.

wherever my DD sees this, she wants to be carried too ! But she’s absolutely huge. She’s only 5 but already bigger than the average 6 year old. The little girl being carried is much, much smaller than my DD.

I can barely carry her anymore.

when do people generally stop carrying their kids ?

I occasionally carry my 3 year old, but not a lot. I enjoy it, I must admit. So I do get why this dad does it. Super cute.

how long did you carry your kid around ?

OP posts:
GeorgeBeckett · 05/04/2025 09:22

Does she have a heart condition or similar? I dread all the judgement for mine not walking/using pram etc but his oxygen levels run low and he just can’t walk as far or as fast even though he looks ok.

Simplynotsimple · 05/04/2025 09:25

Fruhstuck · 05/04/2025 09:18

It encourages the child to think she’s still a baby. As an ex-infant teacher I can say confidently that children whose parents carried them around unnecessarily were nearly always girls and often lacked independence in other areas (and surprisingly often were referred to by their fathers as "my little princess").

Show quote history

What longterm effects do you think it has on children being carried until theyre 5/6 over stopping at 3? Do you think 20 years later these kids are failing in life because their fathers picked them up just a bit longer than necessary? Or more likely, these are the kids who always feel secure with their parents, I’m struggling to see how that’s a bad thing.

cally201 · 05/04/2025 09:25

If child arrives in class happy with a cheerful goodbye to their parent they at least start the day from a secure place.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 05/04/2025 09:26

I'm teeny and dd6 is tall

But she loves to be carried so I carry her on my shoulders if she's acting up

I must look crazy but 🤷🤭

Joystir59 · 05/04/2025 09:27

Won't her legs atrophy if she's carried everywhere? Ridiculous behaviour. In ten years time she could be legally married ffs!

ThisAquaFinch · 05/04/2025 09:27

Sometimes I carry my nearly 4 year old from nursery to the car because he went through a phase of just standing there and refusing to move, and frankly was just easier to scoop him up and avoid the drama!! Luckily we seem to be out of this now and he walks calmly. But my DD was always fine with walking, sometimes parents have to do what they’ve got to do to get through school run!!

Joystir59 · 05/04/2025 09:29

What do parents think their purpose is? To raise a child until they are independent? Or to keep them babies for as long as possible to suit their own emotional needs?

Joystir59 · 05/04/2025 09:31

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 05/04/2025 09:26

I'm teeny and dd6 is tall

But she loves to be carried so I carry her on my shoulders if she's acting up

I must look crazy but 🤷🤭

You are not acting in your own best interests. You are not acting in your child's best interests.

PiastriThePastry · 05/04/2025 09:32

I’m pretty physically strong but I’ve not really been able to carry my son for any period of time for a while now and he’s only 3.5. He’s just absolutely huge, in 6-7 clothes generally, just really tall and broad, built like a mini rugby player already. Luckily he doesn’t ask much either, he’s a busy little bee. To each their own I guess, could be any number of reasons why that dad carries his daughter!

Simplynotsimple · 05/04/2025 09:33

Joystir59 · 05/04/2025 09:27

Won't her legs atrophy if she's carried everywhere? Ridiculous behaviour. In ten years time she could be legally married ffs!

At 15? The rest of your replies are very odd as well. Is it reflective of your emotional needs not being met as a child?

Guineapiglet2 · 05/04/2025 09:33

Buckarooo · 05/04/2025 08:03

My 5yo is 20kg 😅

Show quote history

My 5 year old is only 13 kg and I carry her occasionally but I'm a weakling and can't carry her for long 🤣

Cognacsoft · 05/04/2025 09:37

LightDrizzle · 05/04/2025 08:10

My guesses as to why he does are as follows and it could be a combination.

Maybe he finds it quicker and easier as she’s less likely to whinge or faff. It may have started when she was younger and he hated faffing about with bloody pushchairs so preferred to carry her as often as possible on short trips and errands. Kilogram for kilogram men are much stronger than women and he probably much bigger than you so carrying her is probably the equivalent to him in exertion terms to you carrying a two year old.

Maybe it’s become their “thing” like we all have special things we do with our children, and he likes the closeness first thing before school, her mum’s thing might be pretending to be the Big Bad Wolf outside the Wendy House.

The least likely or charitable reason is that he thinks it makes him look strong and that everyone’s knickers will fall down like they did over that 80s Athena poster of the topless man holding a baby.

There’s no way I could have carried mine much distance when they were 5 as I’m spectacularly feeble. Just say you’re not strong enough and that it’s not going to change when your daughter nags.

I assumed it’s because he’s in a car park and feels it’s safer to carry her.

MightAsWellBeGretel · 05/04/2025 09:37

We had a long walk to school (for a 4 year old), so I often carried my DD part of the way in reception (and especially on mornings when we were running late and I didn't have time for her to stop and look at every cat, stick or stone we cam across on the way).

It gradually tailed off throughout reception as her stamina increased. She can probably outwalk me now.

Circumstances differ.

YourWildAmberSloth · 05/04/2025 09:38

Nothing cute about babying a 5 year old. She doesn't need to be carried, suspect it has more to do with his needs than hers.

Fruhstuck · 05/04/2025 09:38

Simplynotsimple · 05/04/2025 09:25

What longterm effects do you think it has on children being carried until theyre 5/6 over stopping at 3? Do you think 20 years later these kids are failing in life because their fathers picked them up just a bit longer than necessary? Or more likely, these are the kids who always feel secure with their parents, I’m struggling to see how that’s a bad thing.

Show quote history

Children don’t need to be carried around to "always feel secure with their parents"!

I can only tell you that in my experience these children (the ones carried around by their parents for no good reason) frequently seemed to think they were "special", expected adults in school to do for them things that the other children did for themselves, and generally had a "princess / little prince" attitude. I’m not saying that was the case with all of them, but there was a definite correlation. If you don’t like that I can’t help it.

MargaretThursday · 05/04/2025 09:38

I used to carry ds at this age simply because he had bad glue ear so couldn't hear. That way he could hear/lip read and we could have a good conversation about school.

That was far better for his development than having him walk. He could walk into town (3 miles) without a complaint at this message, but that chat after school was very valuable.

He's 17 now, loves sport and exercise and could probably carry me. I won't challenge that as he'd think it hilarious to try.

Mystupiddistractedbrain · 05/04/2025 09:39

If the little girl is the same age as your DD but significantly smaller is it possible that she has some medical problems that cause her to be both small for her age and find walking more difficult? I carried my heart child for as long as I physically could.

YourWildAmberSloth · 05/04/2025 09:40

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 05/04/2025 09:26

I'm teeny and dd6 is tall

But she loves to be carried so I carry her on my shoulders if she's acting up

I must look crazy but 🤷🤭

Crazy? No. Ridiculous? Yes. So she gets rewarded for acting up!

FKAT · 05/04/2025 09:40

I stopped carrying DSes at 3. They were / are built like brick shithouses though! (And I still cuddle DS11 to sleep).

My poor sis had to carry DNephew until he was about 10. (He is ND and was very small though). I remember one day she had to schlep all around London tourist spots. He was about 8 and my sis has arms like the Rock.

x2boys · 05/04/2025 09:41

YourWildAmberSloth · 05/04/2025 09:38

Nothing cute about babying a 5 year old. She doesn't need to be carried, suspect it has more to do with his needs than hers.

And you know this how?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 05/04/2025 09:41

Lots of people have their judgy pants on this morning! Who cares if or why he carries her?! Parent your children your children your own way, and let other people get on with what they’re doing. I can’t understand why anyone would even have an opinion on someone else carrying their child. Is your life that empty that you’ve got nothing better to think about?

Dweetfidilove · 05/04/2025 09:42

Fruhstuck · 05/04/2025 09:18

It encourages the child to think she’s still a baby. As an ex-infant teacher I can say confidently that children whose parents carried them around unnecessarily were nearly always girls and often lacked independence in other areas (and surprisingly often were referred to by their fathers as "my little princess").

Show quote history

Not necessarily.

My dad always carried my daughter around his neck. It was their thing, and she knew no-one else was doing it.
Her dad gave her the occasional piggyback until she was about 14.
They both used to carry her bags as well, but neither one called her a princess or treated her like a baby ; and she's very active and very independent.

Simplynotsimple · 05/04/2025 09:42

Fruhstuck · 05/04/2025 09:38

Children don’t need to be carried around to "always feel secure with their parents"!

I can only tell you that in my experience these children (the ones carried around by their parents for no good reason) frequently seemed to think they were "special", expected adults in school to do for them things that the other children did for themselves, and generally had a "princess / little prince" attitude. I’m not saying that was the case with all of them, but there was a definite correlation. If you don’t like that I can’t help it.

Show quote history

I get you, it irritates you because it had a minor effect on your life how parents showed affection and care to their children. Though as irritating as it may be, don’t you find these are the children who have actual confidence, don’t shy away from asking for what they want (regardless of unreasonable expectations) and often turn into more successful adults due to being raised with more emotional security and environment?

RedToothBrush · 05/04/2025 09:42

Not got a problem with a five year old being carried by a dad once in a while. Normal. Healthy. Bonding.

The year one kid who is pushed to school and back in a pushchair however....

RaspberryBeretxx · 05/04/2025 09:43

I feel your pain. Dd is 4 and I usually pick her up to peep in the nursery window but try not to do much carrying. I'm 5'3" and she's heavy! I think I carried ds a bit more (10 years earlier). I remember in reception year carrying him short periods on the way to/from school but negotiating -"ok, I'll carry you to that lamppost then you walk..." etc. I did have very decent arm muscles for a while! Can you offers piggy backs instead?