To say stay-at-home mums have it easier than full-time workers?

[ThatTaupeOtter]

I work FT in a demanding job. I’ve got a friend who’s a SAHM and constantly talks about how exhausting it is, how she never gets a break, how I’m “lucky” to get adult conversation. But she doesn’t have to commute, deal with office politics, or constantly prove her value. I get home and still have to parent. AIBU to think she actually has it easier and that she’s being a bit dramatic?

So OP's friend is allowed to comment about her being ''lucky'' despite her having children in school all day but OP has to just take it and be quiet?

OP, I've seen you're a mom too.
I'm SAHM at the moment, but literally know it's easier to drop them to school and go to work than stay home with them whole day.

Yes.

If you can’t find something nice to say, then usually the best policy is to be quiet.

Having done both, for me being a SAHM was much easier. I had a big job and it was stressful trying to manage the work/life balance - it felt like one was always suffering. I felt I was doing two full time jobs as their Father - exH - was doing nothing.

Then the same should apply to her friend. If she wants to moan about being a SAHM, despite having school hours to herself then that's fine but she should leave OP out of it.

Making comments about OP is inviting her to comment about her situation too.

I do 2.5 days at home with toddler, 2.5 days in the office. Office days are MUCH easier 😂. There’s so many variables though it’s just different for different people and personalities. This is such a silly debate.

Why does it actually matter??? 🙄🙄🙄

I've done both. I would work full time any day! In fact, I went to work to get away. Imagine a job you can literally never leave.

I’ve just gone back to work, my DD is one year old. Work is 10x easier than being at home

I have been a SAHM and I am currently a working mum.

Both of them have been difficult in different ways, both tiring and both overwhelming at times.

One thing I did find easier was being at work meant I got a lunch break (time to eat a bit of food in peace without little hands trying to grab it!), other than that I would say it was pretty much the same amount of stress etc.

I think both are really hard!

Part time (3/4 days) i have found is the best of both worlds!

I felt most judged as a SAHM and worried about not having an income, divorce etc. But I valued my time at home and don't regret it..

I was just as busy at home when had under school ages... at least at work you can go to the toilet!

Working has been good overall as I did end up a lone parent and it has meant I can make choices I couldn't have otherwise (eg keep my house). I also find it helps my identity and self esteem.

Guess it all depends on the set up! I wouldn't judge someone else for doing something different. Wish we all had a choice.

In my experience it feels like they have it easier when you're working. And then when you're at home for a while you wish you had the freedom to dress up, go to work and have a coffee in peace.

Right…how dare she moaning to a friend…what the world has come to?

😳😳😳👀

We could debate forever what most people would find easier but what’s all this “have it” about? So what if someone makes choices that allow them to live their life in the way they find easiest? Why talk about them like they “have it easy and don’t know it”? They’re allowed to moan about their job the same way anyone is allowed to moan about their job.

You can moan to a friend without also making comments about a friends situation.

You then can't be surprised if friend gets fed up and then comments about their situation. Instead, you think she should just be quiet and put up with it.

Oh hi @SouthLondonMum22

And, it isn’t what I said.

I personally LOVE these women bashing daily mail esque threads. Everyone has problems and everyone’s lives are different, why do you care

I work FT in a v demanding job. I’d rather work twice the hours than be a SAHM. At least I get workers rights! YABU

I think both are hard for different reasons. Doesn’t always need to be one harder than another.
think would be best if you both supported each other and agreed (if you ever chat about it) that it’s hard for both of you.

of course will feel a little different if your friend has 1 child who’s at nursery so she has time at home on her own a lot

I find working far easier than being at home as a mum! I found mat leave mind numbing and weekends exhaust me. Give me work any day (disclaimer…I don’t hate my child or being a mother…I just find parenting far harder than I ever expected to)

Definitely unreasonable! It’s much easier to go to a grown up world than stay all day with little ones.

OP's friend has school aged children. She isn't even home all day with little ones.

Definitely not unreasonable. You do everything she does, plus hold down a full-time job and commute.

Being a mum is really hard. Doing it with a full-time job is even harder. Doing it with a man that doesn't help out either is just too much.

I have been both, and both are exhausting. I personally found being at home far more isolating, no change of scenery and unrewarding. However being a working parent is also very tiring, and you have the fear of missing out yet still have to organise and do everything at home. Basically both are sh*t.

I returned to work after five months maternity leave with my first child and eight months after the birth of my second child.

I breastfed them until a year old, teething was exhausting as I wasn’t sleeping and up all night with my children and then working a full day in an office.

Generally I do 90% of the housework and carry the mental load of parenting whilst working full time and also having roles in community groups, local politics and supporting a youth organisation.

I therefore have always struggled with SAHMs who talk about how difficult their lives are! They make a big deal about the things that I do on top of a full time job that is very demanding! Some employ cleaners and someone to do their ironing and a gardener!
Yet they talk like they are overwhelmed by having to pick up food from the shops by school to cook for dinner! Like buying Christmas and Birthday presents for their children is a marathon challenge!

I guess people have different levels of stress… but I also acknowledge that they wouldn’t last a week doing work as well.

Finally I am married and consider myself fortunate that I am not a full time working single parent!

Whatever stresses I have, they must have it much harder! All of the mental load, housework and parenting, less opportunity to peruse interests! So working single mums… I take my hat off to you and toast your achievements!