To say stay-at-home mums have it easier than full-time workers?

[ThatTaupeOtter]

I work FT in a demanding job. I’ve got a friend who’s a SAHM and constantly talks about how exhausting it is, how she never gets a break, how I’m “lucky” to get adult conversation. But she doesn’t have to commute, deal with office politics, or constantly prove her value. I get home and still have to parent. AIBU to think she actually has it easier and that she’s being a bit dramatic?

I was a sahm for six years. It can be lonely. But it's not as hard. I did everything, house, garden, administration, but I missed the company of adults and the challenges of working.

When I did go back to work things at home slipped somewhat. But that's to be expected.

Oh really? So her kids are in school and she's saying how easy you have it?! My word, I would absolutely be pulling her up on her moaning. I know people like this, they say a doctor's appt and an eye test in one week is a busy week lol 😆

So, she takes her kids to school, has the rest of the day to do 'family admin', a bit of housework, prep dinner etc. My goodness, me and DH work FT and have to this after work and weekends, like you.

Suggest she gets a job as it's so much easier...

I think staying at home all day with pre-schoolers would be really hard, but yeah I do think SAHMs who have school age children have it much easier. I worked part-time for a long time and everything was so so much easier to mange in my days off. I’m back full-time now (kids are 12 and 9) and it’s much harder. Our life would be far easier to manage if I didn’t need to work, but sadly I do.

But when the DC are at school there are many hours in the day catch up so as you've realised juggling work and family is harder then just being a sahm? Xx

People can have as many kids as they want because i dont have to look after them.
SAHM or FTWORKING MUMS means nothing to me.

When will this pitting one woman’s way of life against another’s ever end 🤯. The fact is that women have the rough end of stick for most of it as we do the majority of everything. We work full time then get home and still do the lion’s share of it all. Or we stay at home and do absolutely everything there… unless of course you’re one of the very rare and lucky ones who have an equal partner who’s happy sharing it out to the precise decimal. There’s no winning being a woman 😵‍💫

I agree with you OP. SAHM only have to deal with childcare and the home. We have to do that + work a fullday.

Looking after 2 or 3 pre schoolers is definitely very hard work but being a SAHM with school aged children is jolly relaxed, certainly very relaxed compared to someone working full time and looking after children the rest of the time. Your friend is either someone who can't stop moaning and complaining or is trying to justify herself and her role by pretending that it is very tough. Either way, I couldn't put up with this and would have backed away a long time ago unless she had some amazing redeeming qualities.

I think you should have explained that her children are all at school in the initial post @ThatTaupeOtter

I think its easier to work in office when kids are little - thats the most tedious phase of SAHP. But as kids grow up, go to school and become 8+, then SAHP becomes the easier one and working outside home+parenting becomes harder in comparison.

I absolutely loved going back to work after maternity leave, it was physically hard and emotionally hard, but mentally liberating and stimulating. As kids have grown up, I have found part-time to be the best place to be - but even that does halt your career.

I've learnt that no matter what you choose, you can't have it all. And if you try to then it just kills you.

Depends. Depends on you, your job, your home life, your partner, your kids, their needs, their ages, your financial situation, your childcare set up. Have done both and both have their challenges.

I see your full time working mum and raise it with a full time working single mum… am on my knees!

You’ve just poked the hornets nest here OP, personally it doesn’t bother me but people get a bit emosh over this subject.
personally I think every individuals experience is different. Have to make a number of things into account. Number of kids, age of kids, helpful DP, type of job, hours worked, accessible help etc.
I work part time as I’m DS 17 carer, also helping my mum out massively as she’s done her back in; I work mornings, 8-12 or 8-1 4/5 days a week depends on work load. I do most of the house work. But my house is lived it in, it’s clean and somewhat tidy and that’s all that matters. No show house going on here. I do mundane everyday tasks and the rest is spread throughout the week. DP works 40+ hours as he’s an area manager. He’s also currently dealing with his dad’s estate due to death so has clocked somewhat out of home life. Which is fine as I prefer to do stuff myself because he doesn’t do it to my standards… he does help where possible though.

It’s different and there is always a bit of the grass is always greener. If you have a senior role you may have stresses and pressures but you also have status and remuneration commensurate with that — which is valued by society, whereas many SAHMs are viewed as dull and lazy good for nothings by many!
ultimately I agree with PP above — it does absolutely nothing for women to argue the toss who has it harder when everything depends on the individual circumstances of work, partner, income, number of children, division of household labour and more!
If your friend is a boring person to spend time with, see her less or go quiet on the friendship. Why try to get a hundred strangers online to tell you you’re in the right?!

I definitely found it easier on mat leave with each of my children than back at work. Somehow even though it was the hardest stage of parenting (due to the sleep deprivation that comes with tiny babies) it was nice just having one thing to focus on.

Currently I feel so torn between the two, like if I give to much to the family I’m not giving enough of myself at work and vice versa so essentially a bad job of both jobs. Also, the juggle is insane.

Late to the party but 😂

I think it boils down to finances and standards of living.

I work but have the freedom to take time off, adjust my working hours, quit altogether if it’s not working around my family (which I did last year).

I had a month off and it was the most relaxed month of my adult life - but again, I had no worries about money and had the finances to enjoy the time.

If you’ve got money you can buy stuff that makes everything easier - childcare help, housework help, food shopping and meal services. Or if SAHM - soft play, creche sessions at expensive gyms.

Being SAHM or working is just part of the picture.

At the end of the day kids are hardwork that's it.

Usually it is left to womem too ( ok not always) and here lies the rub. Having kids is hard and we have to pick up most of the slack whether we work or not.

Of course it is easier to be at home. I only worked evenings and weekends when the children are little, friends who worked full-time have all the same things to organise in the evenings while hoping for some quality time too.

I don't know how they cope.

It's harder as they get older, with sport's etc, parents aren't getting home until 8pm to start dinner.

In my case?

apart from a few years in healthcare when I was younger I’ve been at home a long time.

I love it. I’ve had a very easy life. And no, I never wanted a career. I don’t give two shits about a pension, I could get run over by a bus tomorrow.

I’m not some sort of house slave. My husband is a grown adult who also looks after his home and children. I’ve never felt put upon. We aren’t rich, but www live in a cheap area of the country.

I’ve had a lot of crap comments over the years, mainly from other women, but it’s my life and I am happy.

Absolutely. Working parents have to work and parent. And also depends on circumstances. Some SAHM also have a cleaner/ housekeeper. Unless the child is special needs, I think SAHM have it easier.

I have done both (albeit SAHM only for about 6 months). It was alright for a while but got very boring very quickly and keeping children entertained is draining when you're always on your own.

I love problem solving so my industry (accounting) has overall been interesting and often doesn't feel like work.

I went back PT and really enjoyed the role but the manager was toxic so had to resign but I'm still going to try again.

So true!

Well I have six children 13-0, all homeschooled, plus goats, chickens, rabbits and a cat. DH works away a lot and my parents who are very supportive live the other end of the country so I only have help when they come to stay. I have some wonderful friends but I could only ask for help in an emergency as they are all mostly living the same lifestyle with larger families, animals etc. The house is large and the land fairly extensive, can't afford a cleaner or gardner. I am busy all day long and drop with exhaustion by the end of the day. But I love it. I would never compare myself to a mother who works outside the home, I consider myself very privileged and I can completely understand that juggling a career and family life must be very busy and challenging. I enjoy hearing about other peoples lives, but I dont see the need for comparison or sniping.

I've been both.
It's a different kind of hard.
Sahm wasn't for me. I couldn't find like minded friends and just felt that I was failing. 10 mins at the park was like 10 hours.
I probably sounded like your friend.
Working part time meant the worst of both worlds too.
Be kind