Bf and I have beeen together two years. Generally we are happy, he’s loving and kind and we have a lot of fun together.
I’ve had my fair share of struggles with mental health. And I worry a lot and I overthink every possible scenario ever.
he understands this and is generally supportive.
However this does manifest in quite a few arguments which I try so so hard to limit happening but they just do. It’s got to the point where when I act the way I do, my bf becomes more and more frustrated.
Basically I choose my own narrative and can’t see any different.
For example, I will find something that suits my narrative (eg I feel like he’s going off me) and I will fixate on that and not accept any other answer, even the ones he gives me.
Bf now sees this as I don’t trust him, and he hates not feeling believed. He says I don’t listen to him.
Quite often this takes up a lot of time; we often have these conversations late at night, before we go out, or before work. he has been late to things as a result.
Last night it happens again. We went out and I couldn’t help but think he doesn’t touch my leg or isn’t as touchy feely as before.
I tried to explain this to him and he said that relationships evolve, and that it doesn’t mean anything and he still loves me.
But of course I couldn’t take this answer. I thought there must be another reason, you don’t just stop being touchy feely etc. He got really mad because
- he feels like he’s being watched like a hawk
- he feels completely untrusted and I can’t just take his word for things
- He feels like I have to find an ulterior motive for everything
- I make things escalate to levels where they don’t need to be
This then happened this morning, I said I didn’t feel heard, and then he was late for work again. He said he is generally happy but parts of our relationship are just “wasting his time” (as in making him late to things, making him lose sleep etc).
I am trying so so hard to be better. I received an adhd diagnosis; i am currently in EMDR therapy, i have tried some medications but nothing is working. I’m trying to exercise more, relieve stress etc.
But he said he can’t see an ounce of anything changing and that it’s just same thing every single time. He said the rest of the relationship is good but this part of the relationship is an ongoing problem.
I don’t want to be like this anymore. I feel so stuck and I just can’t let things go.
and it’s like a cycle; the more it happens the worse it gets. Because the more arguments we have, the more I believe he ‘can’t possibly be head over heels for me anymore and he must be lying’.
I’m trying so hard and I just don’t know what to do