Friends daughter(16) ruined designer dress

[kidditsonyou]

DSD (22) works around fashion so has a lot of clothes and often gets designer items at good price.

Friend asked if her daughter could borrow a dress for her 16th birthday. I asked DSD who agreed, she often lends clothes to friends and family. Dress chose and borrowed was very expensive and covered in intricate beading, DSD got it heavily reduced but still cost several hundred. DSD says she heavily pushed for daughter to try it on while she was there but she refused, was told it fit perfectly.

Dress returned today and is very damaged.
Zip tape is ripped, Inside lining is ripped and main body is very stretched and warped. Several areas of beading damaged and quite a lot of beads missing. No mention of this when dropped off.

DSD reckons is not repairable / not worth repairing because of the amount of different areas of damage. Previous plan was that DSD would also lend a prom dress.
DSD is very kind and anxious, she is not likely to kick up a fuss or demand anything but is upset. I feel responsible as the initial conversation came through me.

What’s reasonable in this situation? It’s not unreasonable to refuse lending of prom dress and also request at least the price DSD paid for the dress, is it? (Though she wouldn’t be able to get the same dress at that price again)
I know this would be a lot of money for friend

They were told the rough value and I’m sure the dd would have known when she asked for that dress anyway
but I agree small claims would be pointless, there’s no proof.

oh you don't have to actually do it......

It’s a horrible thing to have happened but you handled it properly by giving them a second chance to be accountable for the damage you showed them.
The mum has no integrity and has just taught her daughter how to deny, lie and cheat -and take no responsibility whatsoever for her carelessness. And how to play the victim. Quite shameful.

At least your DSD will be pleased I’m sure, that you tried to make things right for her. I hope it’s possible that the beaded dress can be steamed back into shape, invisibly mended and the bead work fixed up somehow.

She’s going to look into getting it repaired (she knows more about it than I do otherwise I would) and I will pay.

dsd would not have paid the retail price which is extortionate, she got a great deal and and even if I could justify the price, DSD would be upset about me spending that amount She’s already worn it for a couple of events and her 21st so she wasn’t in a rush to wear it again, I’m looking for something else I can buy her to apologise.

It’s lovely that you have such a good relationship with your dsd

Maybe you could get her some nice jewelry or something to make up for it. It would set you back a few hundies but by the sounds of it, still be less expensive than the dress! Sucks your 'friend' and her dd let you down. I'd be mortified if I damaged someone's property like that. Some people have no shame.

Yeah yeah get them op! I really want to see this bursting dam(sel)!!

I thought this too.

I normally grout my teeth through threads by stepmoms because they can be so hard on the SC but this has been lovely - I mean apart from your troubles with the dress obvs! 🙊

Sorry “ grit” my teeth. Grouting them would be an odd response …

@kidditsonyou I wouldn’t be surprised if your DD won’t let you buy something. She knows you had her back and did what you could - even losing a friendship (albeit not a great one it turns out). The rest of it is not her or your fault. Anyone decent would have owned up immediately and been horrified to have damaged it.

So you are sitting there with the ruined dress and madam is denying she did it?
It’s not a wonder she is an entitled brat with a mother who takes no responsibility. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

It’s always a shame though when someone you considered a friend treats you that badly, even if not a close one. At least you and dsd are still ok.

In your shoes OP, I would have to name and shame this awful woman and her daughter. I think although you've been burned by them yourself, and may just want to put it behind you, you really should tell others what happened, and how they have behaved, as I feel sure you wouldn't want to end up feeling responsible for them fleecing some other kind person in your group of friends, who they manage to scrounge off of, because you didn't spread the word.

Personally, I'd put a picture of the dress on social media, with the story of what's happened, after all, they can hardly sue you for defamation, when they know what you are telling people is the truth.

However, if you don't feel you can do that, which I think is highly likely, as you and your DSD, both seem like decent, caring people, then I would be inclined to send your EX friend, a letter, saying that you hope that now they've had time to reflect on the damage caused to the dress, and the dreadful position they've put you in with your DSD, they have realised that an offer of £50 for ruining such an expensive dress, is an insult. Therefore unless they are willing to pay to have the dress repaired, either in a lump sum or by agreed installments of no less than £x, they will leave you with no choice but to take them to the small claims court. Of course you don't actually have to do this, but maybe the threat will bring forth a better offer from them. Although in saying that, from their behaviour when you went round there, I think it highly unlikely that you'll ever see a penny, or even get an apology from them, as they clearly have no morals or class. Hence my suggestion to name and shame them on social media, as it's only the fear of being thought of as complete scumbags, that tends to have an effect on people like this.

Thats awful

you should definitely take them to the small claims court

the only proof you need is the damage to the dress that was lent to them in good faith

id be asking for the full retail price

you and your DSD are just enabling their bad behaviour if you don’t demand the money and doing it via the small claims court

the fact she was so dismissive and rude and only offered £50 !!!! would make me furious and vengeful

surely DSD secretly hates you for being such a wet blanket with this awful friend of yours

it’s not even your dress it’s DSD and you can’t be arsed to fight for the money back

get off your arse and get the money back via the small claims court for your DSD dress. Not your dress her dress

I still reckon your friend is the one who did the damage and not the daughter!

I didnt think this, but having seen the "friends" reaction I am now wondering. The DD crying and being so upset and the "friends" anger and denial does seem to point to this being less clear cut than it originally appears.

Or perhaps the DD allowed one of her friends to try it on in the hopes of also borrowing it ...... I am not 100% convinced it was actually the DD either way.

This thread is reminding me of the Airwrap thread, some people are scum.

Well I hope the money this woman has saved in not recompensing you is worth her losing both your friendship and her good name in your mutual circles for. False economy for her. Shows how thick she is she can’t see the bigger picture.

And the cost of a prom dress, especially when all the desirable dresses were sold in December/January so her DD will be left to choose from the ones no one else wanted.

When is the prom dress meant to be loaned? I reckon she will just leave it now and contact you later for the prom dress and pretend like nothing happened

How much was the dress worth?

The “friend” already knew about the damage I suspect. Any decent person would be mortified.

Friends daughter angry and shouting I think proves she fully well knew and was upset at getting busted. Her mum is appalling to deny and offer 50 quid and no apology. You sound lovely people so their loss!

This.
And friend is not one I'd like to keep, so I'd be telling her what I gave DSD.