Friends daughter(16) ruined designer dress

[kidditsonyou]

DSD (22) works around fashion so has a lot of clothes and often gets designer items at good price.

Friend asked if her daughter could borrow a dress for her 16th birthday. I asked DSD who agreed, she often lends clothes to friends and family. Dress chose and borrowed was very expensive and covered in intricate beading, DSD got it heavily reduced but still cost several hundred. DSD says she heavily pushed for daughter to try it on while she was there but she refused, was told it fit perfectly.

Dress returned today and is very damaged.
Zip tape is ripped, Inside lining is ripped and main body is very stretched and warped. Several areas of beading damaged and quite a lot of beads missing. No mention of this when dropped off.

DSD reckons is not repairable / not worth repairing because of the amount of different areas of damage. Previous plan was that DSD would also lend a prom dress.
DSD is very kind and anxious, she is not likely to kick up a fuss or demand anything but is upset. I feel responsible as the initial conversation came through me.

What’s reasonable in this situation? It’s not unreasonable to refuse lending of prom dress and also request at least the price DSD paid for the dress, is it? (Though she wouldn’t be able to get the same dress at that price again)
I know this would be a lot of money for friend

Possibly a bit late, but I wonder whether any photos of the party have been posted on social media - I mean from the point of view of seeing whether there are any that show before and after some of the damage.

That would be end of "friendship" for me and I've got friends I've had a veeeeery long time (because they are not piss taking chancers with no regard for their own responsibilities)

That’s shitty behaviour from your friend, and even shittier from her daughter, how on earth do they think it was damaged? I wonder where her daughter gets her sense of entitlement from eh? It’s a shame for your DSD and I would strongly advise her not to lend out any more dresses to anyone.

It might be something your DSD could take her to small claims for although I doubt it would be worth it, might make your friend squirm to threaten it though?

It would end the friendship for me, it is not the behaviour of a friend

The audacity! I assume you showed her the damage? Well, take the £50 - she will have to spend much more getting a prom dress herself now

Sorry, but how could she deny the damage? What was her explanation for the damage if it wasn’t due to her daughter? How can she even stand there and say that?

Yes, I suspect it will be the end of the friendship.
We’ve known each other a long time, never been particularly close but ended up living close together, having children of similar ages and lots of mutual friends so it’s isn’t a huge loss to me just disappointing.

I won’t be taking £50 but will have to make it up to DSD myself.

Why wouldn't you take the money?

did you say "ok small claims" That might focus her a bit

If you’ve mutual friends I would let them all know what kind of person she is as well! Might make them think twice about lending her anything if she’s going to have that attitude

What a horrible person! Why can't some people accept responsibility for their actions these days?

She’s denying it cos she’s a skinflint - the dress borrowing was to save money, so she resents having to shell out, but she’s not seeing the longer term cost of losing a good friend & now she’ll have to buy her own dresses

I wasn’t given to me at the time and it’s insulting, £50 which wouldn’t cover anything and without an apology.
If she sends it to me then obviously I’ll take it but I’m not going to get back in to contact to request it.

I would bet my house that she still expects to borrow a prom dress as "DSD promised!".

I just knew it! So not much of a friend then..at least you're spared the lending of a prom dress now anyway. What a nerve honestly. She doesn't sound very shocked either, so I reckon they both knew the damage had been caused. Hugs to you both, you did the right thing!

Some people really do have poor standards and questionable morals.

I would have been angered at the dramatics of the dd and her mother's defensiveness. They knew OP, they knew full well which is why it was delivered back to you so quickly - and without a courteous professional clean.

I wouldn't take the money either and I would block her number and contact. The friendship would be stone dead for me.

Did you actually take the dress with you to show her the damage OP ?

Oh dear, they were angry, defensive, denied responsibility but offered money which implies friend and her daughter realise they were responsible. Sounds as if friend hasn’t grown up past her daughter’s age.

I think if apologies had been profuse you and your DSD would have accepted that if money is tight. Sometimes it’s not about the money, it’s about taking responsibility and apologising.

Yes

I can't believe the audacity!

The lying cheeky fuckers! Your poor DSD. Obviously they can forget about borrowing a prom dress. I hope you end your friendship with this awful woman.

Yup.

How do you prove they caused the damage?

There's a reason why any business who hires stuff out makes you sign to say it's in good condition and they inspect at drop off.

It is literally one person's word against the other. And I'd also bet neither the DD or the Mum have a clue the dresses value.

Op i think your going to have to pay DSD. And lessons learnt no more lending her dresses out to friends of yours.

How awful for you.
I'm sorry but your 'friend' is not a 'friend'.
Stick by your DSD - she sounds like a lovely kind person,

I'd be inclined to wonder if the daughter hadn't admitted to her Mum that the dress was damaged and was worried about being in trouble, BUT it was really suss how the Mum dropped the dress off and ran 🤔

The was they reacted is a madness. They're a pair off CFs, for sure.

Sack them off, learn lessons and make it up to DD, OP.

Best to let people like that go and move on.