To refuse to attend a child-free wedding because I think it’s selfish?

[ZingyJadePombear]

My cousin is getting married and has said it’s a child-free wedding. The problem is I have two young children and no family nearby to babysit. They’ve said it’s “non-negotiable.” I feel a bit hurt because it’s like they’re choosing their Pinterest-perfect day over family actually being there. I understand wanting a certain vibe but shouldn’t weddings be about loved ones more than aesthetics or rules? AIBU for thinking it’s selfish and considering not going?

And irrelevant to the argument of whether the OP should do it with her children.

YAY 🥳.

another gif….because why not 😆

Well actually in the context of this discussion the law is pretty theoretical.

Nobody is arguing that you don't have a 'right' to bring your sprog to a church service. People are saying that it's pretty rude to bring someone to a wedding ceremony if they have not been invited, which is actually what is being discussed. Not the 'legality' of turning up with your uninvited sprog at a church.

You're not actually telling anyone anything they don't already know, just revealing your own in ability to follow the discussion.

Soooo technically and theoretically.... us mnnetters could have chartered a coach and all rocked up to the royal weddings.... being that they're held in churches?.... ooooo!! When's the next one?!!

That’s an interesting question, @CaptainFuture - speaking for myself, I’m afraid I can’t answer it - I’m basing what I said on a few examples and bits of knowledge.

But I’m happy to dig out my best frock and fascinator, and give it a try!

Bollox.

This and all the other people saying it is rude. It really isn't. It is completely different from a ceremony at a hotel or barn conversion.

If you are an active member of the Church, then you will know that your Church family will come along to support you and wish you well on the day.
I have been to many, many weddings where "the congregation" was not only welcomed, but many where they were specifically invited at the service the week before, or on the notice sheet.
It was lovely when I got married to see how many people came along to support us on such an important occasion.

What actually happens is that the non-invited wait until the invited have taken their seats and the bride has walked up the before they go in. Simple and straightforward. I'd loads of friends and neighbours thronged outside the church for my wedding and it was lovely to see them. I've no idea whether they all got seats because they were behind me by that point!

So your scenario just doesn't happen.

I think you might find that (a) the church would be full, and (b) there would be the small matter of security - but have you actually seen the vast crowds who do "rock up" for royal weddings, even if they don't get in?!

Uninvited guests can and do turn up with uninvited children?

Whatever happed to the word “invitation”

Again doesn’t apply to the Op, why are we wasting talking about locals. It doesn’t apply to the OP.

Blimey Captain
you found a great gif there

Love it 👏👏

Technically and theoretically, I think yes - in that Westminster Abbey wouldn’t/couldn’t turn you away. But the police could ask you to move away and could probably arrest you under various bits of legislation (breach of the peace? Prevention of terrorism?) if you didn’t. Could be wrong though (and I too love the gif!).

A couple I know got married a few years ago and because they both have big families very few friends could be invited. They were a big part of the church and half the church (people of all ages from small children to those in their 80s) turned up to see them get married. It really is the norm for the church family to turn up and support one another.
When I look at a photo of DH and me coming up the aisle of the church at the end of our wedding ceremony, there are people in the background who weren't on our guest list. I was delighted that members of our church family were able to celebrate with us even if we weren't able to extend an invitation to the reception for them.

Yea there is a church family, and locals fair enough.

Why would that extend to two kids who are neither?

You have to pay to enter Westminster Abbey so it's not a public church subject to normal Church of England rules. It's a 'royal peculiar' which means it's basically the monarch's private property.

Services are free of charge.
Always
The same as all religious buildings. The charge is for tourists who just want a look around

if interested generally 12pm for Eucharist and evensong at 5pm. Sundays are different

And what picture is not made better with cute kids dressed up in dresses and/or little suits?

That’s not a universal belief, though, @HamptonPlace. Some people love having cute kids in their pictures, and some don’t - and neither group is wrong - they simply have different taste.

A friend of mine requested no children at his reception party ( had previously had a small wedding). In the run up he asked if I was taking my child - I said no because he's not invited.
All his friends who had children ended up taking them. I didn't because I knew he didn't want them there. I felt really sorry for him that his friends would disregard his wife and his wishes.

It was extremely rude of people to take along their children when they were not invited, but from what you are saying it seems that your friend was giving mixed messages.

Why did he ask you if you were bringing your child if he had previously requested no children? He wouldn't have asked if you were bringing your uninvited sister, would he?

@IcedPurple He asked me about my child I think because everyone else was bringing theirs by then. However, I wanted to honour his and his wife's wishes and fortunately had very rare child care for that evening.

Because conversations move on?

Am sure the OP has long lost the will to live!

Ooh - that’s interesting, @IcedPurple . How do they get round the “public place” requirement? Or does the monarch being involved change the rules? (Apologies - this is a nerdy point. But I do find this sort of thing interesting….)

You only have to pay as a tourist.
Attending a service is not charged….obviously
The same as all religious buildings that have hoards of tourists.

There’s nothing special about Westminster Abbey in that way
Im afraid IcedPurples got the facts wrong