To refuse to attend a child-free wedding because I think it’s selfish?

[ZingyJadePombear]

My cousin is getting married and has said it’s a child-free wedding. The problem is I have two young children and no family nearby to babysit. They’ve said it’s “non-negotiable.” I feel a bit hurt because it’s like they’re choosing their Pinterest-perfect day over family actually being there. I understand wanting a certain vibe but shouldn’t weddings be about loved ones more than aesthetics or rules? AIBU for thinking it’s selfish and considering not going?

@snoopyfanaccountant

how utterly selfish of you.

I wasn't asked not to take my child. I received an apology that my children couldn't be invited to the reception.
The bride and groom are very involved in the church and would have expected people who hadn't been invited to the wedding to still attend the church service; that's how churches function. It's the norm for neighbours and friends who haven't made the cut for an invitation to go to the church service.

When friends of ours got married the bride apologised that our DDs weren't invited

At no point did they say that children weren't wanted or welcome at the church.

What?!! I mean it’s pretty obvious that they weren’t wanted or welcome when the bride went out of her way to explicitly inform you that your children weren’t invited.
Thats blindingly clear.

@snoopyfanaccountant - when dh and I got married in the parish church where his parents lived, it was just as you describe - the church service was open to anyone, and we were more than happy for people from the village to come to the service.

I also remember my dad telling me about his vicar telling a couple who were putting name places on all the pews in the church that they couldn't reserve all the seats like that, because under church law, they couldn't exclude people from the church - it is possible I have misremembered the details, but the message definitely was that the church service is open to all.

It is really nasty behaviour to describe someone else's wedding as ghastly.

It was far from ghastly. The kids were entertained. How is that ghastly?

It doesn’t “naturally create a disconnect”. It only does so if you choose to let it.

Children are great but there is a time & a place. That place not being someone else’s wedding when they’ve decided they want a child-free day. Children change the dynamic even when they are not misbehaving. If that’s not what they want fair enough.

I wonder what would happen in those circumstances if the church ended up being full of 'non-invited' randoms who had the aforementioned level of entitlement to attend the church ceremony that meant none of the actual wedding party could get seats?!

Regardless of whether there is technically a “right” to be in a church or not I’d consider a non-invited person child or not turning up incredibly rude.

If it’s a custom in a village fair enough. Very different to bringing an uninvited child.

Its not what they want, instead of asserting your “right” to enter a church have enough respect to abide by others’ wishes for their own wedding ceremony.

Well yes, theoretically that is correct.

But at weddings the seating is often carefully planned in advance. You bringing along a person who hadn't been invited is rude.

Not theoretically.
Legally
The actual ceremony for legal reasons is open to all.

And morally you’re a bit of an arse to bring someone to a wedding who you’ve been informed explicitly isn’t invited.

All seems very non Christian and selfish.

My little Amelie is coming to the wedding whether you like it or not!

You can't tell me not to! I have rights!

It’s my legal right!!!! You can’t move me!

Its legal tender!!! 😂

Which has nothing to do with my comment.
Im referring to people not invited but with a legal right to attend.
It’s not possible to stop these people being at the actual ceremony.

Im not referring to invited guests !!!

so with the best will in the world the bride and groom can’t stop all the locals dropping by. They certainly can’t refuse entry to anyone.
plus those who are ‘just dropping by’ will not be aware of the specifics of invites for no children either.

You may think this is funny but if you belong to a local community and church where everyone drops by for everything you would know it’s quite normal.

and within the law, if fact a requirement of it.

No, it’s not normal to turn up to a wedding with your child who you’ve been specifically and explicitly told isn’t invited.

You are completely missing the point…..🤯
Please read the posts.

Im not talking about someone with an invite in hand,
Im talking about others just turning up to watch the ceremony.

I also only originally tagged a pp who said this was theoretically true. There’s nothing theoretical about the law on this,

I thought my 14:58 post made this clear

You’re quoting people whereby the majority of us are discussing the poster who brought her child along uninvited to the wedding ceremony.

Bloody hell, is this trailing on?! I got bored pages ago. It just appeared on my "I'm on".

No
I tagged a poster who used the word theoretical re access to wedding ceremonies. ( just the ceremony )
I tagged because that is wrong.
There is nothing theoretical about the law.

Just in case anyone on here thinks they can in fact bar entry to randoms.
You really can’t

There is nothing theoretical about the law.

Have a day off will you?

Agree.
im ( see gif)

Good luck to all with their wedding plans and remember

Your ceremony by law is an OPEN HOUSE

it’s to stop bigamy, coercion and underage marriages btw.

🤣🤣🤣

I was off yesterday 😁

No, it actually stopped about five pages ago.

We know.

We know.

WE KNOW!!!!