To ask if anyone has any experience of DC moving away for college (not uni)

[AmpleDenimDreamer]

DS is 16 and about to do his GCSE’s. Life circumstances mean me and DH are going to have to leave the country for at least a couple of years due to DH’s job requiring us to move. DS is adamant that he would hate to come with us and doesn’t want to leave the UK.

He's found a college about 45 minutes drive away from where currently live that offers accommodation in a ‘halls of residence’ style. His brother (25) would still live here so he could stop with him some weekends and we’d be able to pay for DS to fly out to see us for holidays. To be clear it is DS pushing for this, not us. I also wonder if it wouldn’t do him good to get some independence. Does anyone have any experience of this and AIBU to consider it?

He's probably sadder his wife is joining him .....

😬This too. It's really, really sad for the kid though.

But probably happy about all the new opportunities there will be for himself

The proposed set up has disaster for your ds written all over it.

Yup. Affairs are the result of a selfish person. Who will always be selfish. There will be zero thought or care from the father about how this will effect his son.

Go ahead and choose your husband over your son. Just don’t expect your son to have a close relationship with you when he’s an adult. My mother made that same choice, (though the circumstances were different) - while we get on fine, I live on the other side of the world now.

Just saying.

Realistically, his options are finding an alternative here as he wants to stay or go with them because at the end of the day they are his parents and they said so.

Plenty of people move all the time, all over the world, at any point in their education because of whatever circumstances. Putting aside OP’s motives, the usual option is “you go with your parents”.

Of course teenagers will always be more resistant, but it still happens and life goes on.

We know plenty of kids who have done this because they went to equine college at 16, and many students live in there, due to the nature of the course, timetable, and expectations of being fairly immersed in the life. There is a lot of support in place in those cases, and so it works well. In addition, the people who I know who have done it have had parents maybe an hour or two away who have visited most if not all weekends or brought them home most if not all weekends. It's very different from somebody attending classes in the day and being more or less left to their own devices every evening and weekend. And also, unless in a specific setting like equine college, there are fairly few 16-18 resident students and so creating a social circle could be challenging.

So it's not that it's a bad idea per se, it's that it very much depends on the setting and the distance and the circumstances. What OP is describing sounds pretty rubbish for the child if I'm honest, and it's odd to read a post from a parent who seems so oddly unfocused on their child's needs versus those of their husband.

I went in to halls of residence at 16 for 2 years at an agricultural college, i loved it!! Was brilliant fun, some of the best times of my life to date! i didnt go home at weekends as my horses were at college with me, but i did see my parents as they took me to competitions most weekends.

People have babies at 16 and live in flats looking after a baby human. of course a 16 year old, who still has family around, will cope just fine at a residential college - even more so if they are the ones advocating for it!

However, what would he do in the holidays? Fly out to you?

So you chose to do that because you were focussed on your horses and wanted to be at a college that catered for that in the same country as your family
You weren't dumped there because your Father couldn't be trusted not to shag around if left unattended

Not for a week's bloody half term. Too long and far too expensive

Don't think OP is coming back is she?

Too busy packing

The lads father cheated on them all when he wanted to get his dick wet.

Perhaps it might not be a bad idea for this DS to be out of what no doubt since his father’s infidelities is a pretty fucking awful environment at home. No wonder he’s pushing this so much!

I know of a pupil in year 11 that went here and boarded, it was fine for them.
https://www.hartpury.ac.uk/college/student-life/accommodation/

Was that due to the child wanting to pursue an agricultural or animal related course or because the child's parents had decided to move abroad?

It's such a big difference boarding because you're following a passion.