To think that parents who don’t control their kids in public deserve public shaming?

[MyEdgyAmberZebra]

If your child is throwing a screaming tantrum in a restaurant, I shouldn’t have to “be understanding” - I should be able to tell you to sort it out.

Mine too - I remember those shopping trips on the bus and all the carrier bags.

Yet, as an adult, you can’t control your impulse to swear or you choose to use abusive language. Is this considered proper behaviour at your dinner table and the homes of your relatives?

Yes I agree. And having had 5 - all vastly different in terms of personality, temprement, needs etc - I truly think most tantrums could be avoided before they even occur by proper parenting. I'm talking about things like sleep, diet, screens (should be close to zero), fresh air & exercise, good behaviour modelled to them, decent amount of positive attention and quality time, not a rushed and overestimated life with too much nursery, TV and activities, discipline, boundaries, consequences and follow-through, patience, engaging, not being distracted by your own screen addiction so you miss where things are leading and finally don't fill your toddlers life with bloody coffee shops.

Other countries, especially in and around Mediterranean are much more accepting of kids in general.

Well behaved children.

And there’s a more general acceptance that it’s ok for adults other than a child’s parents to discipline children iif they misbehave.

In the UK, the minority of parents take the freedom to go wherever they want and allow their DC to misbehave, but don’t allow other adults the freedom to discipline or otherwise intervene when children misbehave.

We get the worst of both ways.

All that is good parenting of course, @MaggieMistletoe, but the fact remains some children are easier to manage than others. With something like neurodiversity things can be much more difficult, and it’s often a hidden disability so others just don’t realise.

Milo, I hear you. When you feel ready, you can stop screaming and then perhaps we could get some pudding. I understand you’re upset Milo. I think you’re not making the best choices here Sweetie.

as opposed to: stop that or we will leave the restaurant right now.

parenting style 2 wins my vote.

Nope, whenever in public places we are accountable for our DC. We have ND DC and whenever they started reacting we would take them out, take responsibility for them everywhere.

There is no excuse for letting your child run riot, just had parenting and selfishness IMO, those who drink and ignore their kids etc.

It was very hard; you have to try to predict outcomes and be prepared for them and act accordingly.

To reiterate, when you take your children out, YOU watch them and take responsibility. It was so difficult having to leave cafes and other places but that's what we did because it was unfair to others.

Babies cry, toddlers have screaming tantrums, these are normal sounds of human life. You're entitled to be irritated if it disturbs you, but not to make the parent feel worse by 'shaming' them for bringing a child to a restaurant. Do you think people raising children should avoid all travel and eating out for the first 5 years, just in case child has a tantrum in a restaurant and bothers someone?

Sad how detatched from the reality of family life some people are. Toddlers have tantrums for all sorts of reasons, and it's not always possible to leave the restaurant (eg if you have other children or need to feed hungry toddler or the meal is a brief stop in a long, tiring journey). Sometimes they stop when ignored. The more you try to calm them the more angry they get. Distraction doesn't always help.

Telling them to 'sort it out' makes you sound uneducated, spiteful and aggressive. Are you seeking a fight or just kicking a parent who is already down?

Indeed, the I thought I would be the perfect parent until I had kids lol 😆 I still always tried my best to take them out of situations where they were having meltdowns because it was just hard being in public doing it on my own, so let's go home. Xxx

a child can have a tantrum or be otherwise noisy or a nuisance the problem is the parents who ignore it an do nothing, if your child is acting up take them outside this 'oh well they are ND' or whatever excuse parents come up with to not remove them from annoying other people is the issue, not the children themselves

it really is that simple

That’s a really different situation to a restaurant, cinema or wedding though. You really have no choice but to continue on public transport and I think most people sympathise, silently or otherwise, even if their eardrums are hurting. Functional travelling is not a treat or occasion and while nobody on your bus will have enjoyed the screaming, I doubt any of them will have forked out for a babysitter so they could go on that bus or looked forward to it all week; or saved for it as a treat or planned a romantic experience on it

I was behind a screaming toddler on a Ryanair flight recently. The parents were doing their best but he wasn’t having it. It wasn’t pleasant but I know it was much worse for them so you just put up with it.

It’s rare to be physically unable to remove a baby or toddler from a restaurant or, wedding ceremony or cinema and unlucky to be in that position without a friend, partner or relative who could do it instead of you. I think the OP is directed at people who could attend to or remove their child but just don’t.

Sometimes it’s not simple at all.
People don’t use neurodiversity as an ‘excuse’.

Tell us you don’t have children, without telling us you don’t have children.

Sometimes you can't take them put. Hunger is a trigger for DS and he used to find it hard to recognise that he was hungry. Sometimes the quickest way to get him to calm down was to give him food, but I couldn't leave him outside in case he ran off.

Absolutely right! Why should everyone stay at home to avoid badly behaved children? And why should parents let their kids run riot and everyone suffer?

Unruly dogs are what I wish people would leave at home. Children are fine, definitely less scary 😁

They sure as hell do.

@TheHerboriste
They may mention it as a reason, sure.
An excuse is something different.

If you shamed me I'd shame you right back.

"I’m not out here looking to shame struggling parents - I’m talking about those who clearly aren’t even trying. There’s a big difference and pretending there isn’t just lets inconsiderate behaviour slide." What I'm curious about op is how you tell which ones are which?

The parent who is scrolling their phone is very possibly mentally checked out after no sleep and the 15th tantrum of the day and has had to get out of the house for their own sanity and the fact its easier to manage crabby kids in the wild than in a house.

Ds is 2 but the size of most 4 year olds. I'm fit and strong but sometimes when he's having a complete wobble I struggle to safely hold him - he's accidentally given me a black eye before from wriggling around refusing to put his clothes on before and that was just him messing around being playful- to lift and remove him during a full tantrum could end up in one of the two of us being hurt. Thankfully he's 99% of the time super chill but if I had a disability or injury there would be no way I could lift and remove him if I needed to. Plus when toddlers are tantruming they are overwhelmed, their little brains can't take in anything so there really is nothing to do but let them get it out and then you start to calm and reassure once it's peaked. Trying to interrupt can sometimes make it worse. And as someone who's been on both sides of the coin, listening to a child tantruming is never worse than dealing with one when people like yourself op are watching with judgement.

I can honestly say I have never ever witnessed a child breaking down and a parent not responding at all, that's super rare.

"I’m not out here looking to shame struggling parents - I’m talking about those who clearly aren’t even trying. There’s a big difference and pretending there isn’t just lets inconsiderate behaviour slide." What I'm curious about op is how you tell which ones are which?

If it's about public shaming attempts, the decision will probably be based on who seems least likely to get aggressive if OP tries it. That's how these things usually work.

You can, OP, no-one's going to arrest you, are they?!

What you will get is judgement, because in 'shaming' the parent/s you'd be breaking a tacit social rule, just as the parent/s is/are breaking social rules in allowing their child to tantrum and disrupt other people.

IMO, if a child can't be quickly pacified, they need to be removed (by parents). Just leaving them to it is rude.

Yeah, they do. I agree.

I grew up with an ND family member. Every trip was carefully thought out as to suitability. In the event they kicked off, we left.

Absolutely. It's far more intrusive to have people's smelly mutts barking, running and drooling all around. While the dim-witted owner looks on as if we should be delighted by the annoying creatures attentions.

Yes, we do the same of course. But still don’t move quickly enough for some people I would imagine.

We can’t go faster because of the SN in question though, needs that would be invisible to the casual onlooker unfortunately.

Someone like OP perhaps…