To think that parents who don’t control their kids in public deserve public shaming?

[MyEdgyAmberZebra]

If your child is throwing a screaming tantrum in a restaurant, I shouldn’t have to “be understanding” - I should be able to tell you to sort it out.

How would you saying "sort it out" help in any way?

Public shaming?! 🙄

Well, you don't have to shame parents. Just be like the African grandma on Instagram telling the screaming child not to give her 'unnecessary headache'. She didn't address the mom at all and the child went quiet. It takes a village and all that 🤷🏾‍♀️...

It depends, if it’s a child with special needs/ND then I have all the patience.

Okay, so when these very rare situations happen, go ahead with your ‘public shaming’. By the way, you can still put your point across without having the ambition of shaming someone. It’s sounds quite medieval!

I’m also not sure your ‘sort it out’ line will have the impact you imagine. Have you ever tried speaking to the manager of the restaurant? Seems like the most mature thing to do.

How can you tell if the child has special needs or is just a regular out of control tantrummy child?

It probably wouldn’t help them - and to be honest, it’s not meant to. It’s a reflection of frustration when someone’s inaction is affecting everyone else. Sometimes, saying ‘sort it out’ is less about solving the problem and more about signalling that other people do notice and are impacted.

It’s not about being rude for the sake of it - it’s about pushing back when people act like their choices exist in a vacuum.

I really doubt this poster has ever said anything publicly to someone to sort out their child. They will just silently fume on mumsnet while the rest of us understand parenting doesn't work like that

You often can’t. Which is one of the reasons why it’s best to mind your own business, offer the parents a sympathetic smile and silently give thanks that it’s not your kid 😂

If my child was kicking off in public and you told me to sort it out I’d sort u out so try it next time instead off trying to be a hero u ain’t even got kids so good luck with that one

Some people do this. A hoity toiity arrogant man tried to publicly shame me in Sainsbury’s once when I had a vocal 2 year old in the trolley basket. I don’t think he’ll do it again.

You are being unreasonable.

Children sometimes shout and scream, it happens. Learning to navigate emotions takes years and takes good parenting for these little people to figure it out.

you are not entitled to child-free public spaces. If you’re that offended by the noise, leave and go somewhere else.

I’ve had three children and I agree with you. There is no excuse. Most people can deal with a bit of child related noise if they think the parent is in control, but if your child is screaming blue murder in a prolonged and annoying way then don’t inflict that on everyone else.

Decent parents try to anticipate the triggers and head them off at the pass. Decent parents set expectations and teach and model their child appropriate behaviour in appropriate places. Even small children can cope with this and can learn quickly.

If a child has got to the point of ‘disregulation’ as we call it nowadays, then you have no business scrolling on your phone ignoring it. You have put them in a situation that overwhelmed or distressed them, it’s your job to deal with it and be considerate to other people.

I think we’re actually saying similar things in different tones. I’m not walking around with a torch yelling “shame!” - I’m expressing frustration at a very specific type of situation that, while rare, does happen.

’Sort it out’ isn’t meant to be a script - it’s shorthand for do something. Engage. Acknowledge. Don’t pretend everyone else should just suck it up indefinitely.

As for speaking to the manager - sure, in some cases that might work, but isn’t it telling that the burden falls to other people to handle someone else’s lack of control? That’s exactly what I’m pushing back against.

@MyEdgyAmberZebra may I suggest you stay at home and drink your latte in peace?

I work in retail and the number of parents who let their kids run wild is shocking. I currently work in a charity shop and lots of our toys get broken or have parts missing because parents park their kids there and wander off. I've had to ask kids not to ride a bike or a skateboard around the store, while the parents glare at me. "Don't climb on the shelves sweetie in case you fall! Please don't throw the ball in the shop, thank you!" etc.

I used to work in a small supermarket and loads would sit their kids at our magazine section then get pissed off if I tried to charge them for the magazine their kid ripped.

Not the kids fault, some people just aren't suited to having kids. (Me included before anyone says anything.)

What a horrible AIBU! And you are!! As are all those who’ve agreed with you. You have no idea what’s going on with these children. And sounds like you had any proclivity to “tantrum” beaten out of you as a child only to rise back to the surface in attitudes like this 🙄

Someone who has never parented commenting on parenting, it's like that mansplaining us women complain about.

Undoubtedly some children are extremely badly behaved and the parents don’t seem to care. I once worked in a museum in the holocaust exhibition and the amount of kids I had to ask to stop grabbing items on display, jumping rope barriers etc was crazy. However, that’s not quite the same as kids having a meltdown. And I certainly didn’t tell the parents to “sort it out”. 😂

May I suggest that parents who want total immunity from public accountability stay at home until they’re ready to engage with their kids in public spaces? See how that works both ways?

I’m allowed to want a peaceful coffee just as much as they’re allowed to have a child but public space requires mutual respect. That’s all I’m saying.

Unfortunately you live in a thing called a “society”

You’re allowed to want peace in public all you want. Doesn’t mean you’re entitled to it or will get it! Perhaps noise cancelling headphones are the answer. It is amazing what they can block out.

are u ever going to have children? I cannot wait for this to happen to you, (child having a tantrum in a public place) not even someone telling you to sort it out lmao just the tantrum alone will be enough to give your little head a wobble 😐

My 3 year old has CPTSD. She was always a very mild mannered child until another child abused her.

She can't control her emotions anymore and is a terrified child night and day. If someone tried to shame me or my DH for not 'sorting it out' they'd have a public shaming themselves.

The title of your thread is literally about publicly shaming parents, we can only respond to what you have stated you’d like to do. Again, on the rare occasion you come into contact with the parent(s) you’ve described, you’re within your rights to say something, if you wish. You’ve already said you doubt anything will come from this though.

Yes, the manager is the appropriate person to express your concerns to. It’s likely he or she will be in a better position to resolve conflict. Although it seems your main aim is to express your frustration instead of actual resolution? I’m not sure what you’re wanting from this thread.