To think that parents who don’t control their kids in public deserve public shaming?

[MyEdgyAmberZebra]

If your child is throwing a screaming tantrum in a restaurant, I shouldn’t have to “be understanding” - I should be able to tell you to sort it out.

Children don’t learn how to behave in public spaces unless they’re taken to public spaces. As a parent, I couldn’t have cared less if a stranger “publicly shamed” me in the toddler years. By the age of 4 my child was perfectly behaved at all times in public.

If it bothers you this much, stay home. You need to calm down.

Children have as much right to exist in public spaces as you do.

I have one child who just needed to be left alone / strategically ignored at times. Any attempt at intervention just wound things up.

I hate when people say "you aren't a parent, so you have no idea", but I think it's true in this case.

This thread is so goady, I suspect trolling.

Wow - rooting for a toddler tantrum as karmic justice? That’s… oddly specific.

Whether I have children or not doesn’t change the basic principle: when you’re in a shared space, everyone owes each other a bit of courtesy. If I do have kids one day and they throw a tantrum in public (which they probably will - they’re kids), I’d at least aim to manage it, not zone out and expect strangers to just endure it quietly.

Good luck with that.

If they're not inclined to discipline their sprog they're hardly likely to want support form an outsider, the support would probably invoke a load of foul mouthed insulting.

Fantastic thread to start in a parenting website.

No kids yourself, you say?
<slow handclap>

So speaks a very poor parent who probably lets their offspring run riot.

One of the best choices I made as a parent was to make a firm rule that if they played up/ misbehaved I would remove them from the situation as punishment. It meant leaving restaurants when we hadn’t eaten and having to pay for the food. We left the cinema if they refused to be quiet. We left soft play if they tantrummed. It was hard and cost money. But they learnt fast that bad behaviour equals going home and no treats.

I’ve had many many compliments upon their public behaviour. I put that down to teaching them that misbehaviour results in leaving. Yanbu op. I judge the parents who fail to sort their children’s behaviour too.

Not oddly specific atal, u will be able to know how it feels, u sound like someone i know who said wen i have kids blah blah blah blah, you havnt got a clue, now im being oddly specific

Come back when you have a kid who have tantrums in public places miss perfect

Are you that silly to risk a serious backfire from a stressed out parent? I wouldn't even want to make eye contact with the parent that is stressed or struggling at that moment and have it all taken out on me. No thanks!

This is so true

Please come and offer your child behavioural cure to my son. He's not a toddler, he's 8. He is autistic.

Well meaning friends and family have tried to talk to him or difuse a meltdown even after I've warned them it will make it worse, then it backfires and now who has to deal with the even more escalated child oh yes that'd be me.

Respectfully, fuck off with your opinions and holier than thou attitude about something you know nothing about.

Yabu. Very few people deserve to be publicly shamed. Maybe people who enjoy publicly shaming others should be publicly shamed.

I think you are completely misunderstanding how full on tantrums/ meltdowns work. My 2 year old had his first real tantrum today. Unfortunately we were in a cafe though a child friendly one and outside.

There was absolutely no calming him down. I offered him a cuddle, tried to use some strategies from my parenting books, tried to distract. But this made it far worse and he wanted space. So I sat nearby looking like I was doing nothing while he screamed and lay on the floor. And when it didn’t end within 10 mins I took him home (not easy to carry tantruming toddler and all our stuff).

He wasn’t being a brat. It isn’t bad behaviour. Their emotions become overwhelming and they can’t regulate them.

If someone had come over to “shame” me I might have handed over the toddler to them! I really nice lady did come over to say “we’ve all been there”.

My oldest had tantrums all the time as a toddler and I didn’t take him out to cafes etc much as a result but it’s not always easy to predict when it will happen.

I was in M & S food store this evening and a small boy was screaming and shouting to show his father something (father at one end of the aisle, mother with boy).

Parents thought this was amusing obv. Later I was waiting at the till to pay, same child shouting and roaring. Parents think it's amusing.

Check out operator rolls her eyes and tells me about all the mothers asking their three year olds what they want to eat that night, as they are paying for their food and then the mothers let their children pay with the credit card swipe!

FFS. Why don't some parents just grow up!

I agree OP.

For me, it's not the ignorers so much. It's the parents who have set the tantrum up to happen.

For example, a toddler in an adult restaurant at 8.30pm is never going to be quiet and calm. The situation could have been fully avoided.

I posted on MN when I last called a parent out on this a couple of years ago. I got flamed, as I apparently didn't understand, and maybe that child normally behaved excellently just before bedtime. Or maybe the parents just needed to get out of the house.

I did understand. I was never that selfish when my children were little to expect adult diners paying a lot of money for a decent meal to have to tolerate my overtired, over stimulated children ruin their dinner.

...and you didn't think just to take him home? You let him behave like this infront of other customers?

I think parents should try to remove an out of control, disruptive child from a situation, if possible. However, if my older one is having a meltdown I may have to ignore her because the 2 year old is running off and I lack the strength to pick her up (invisible disability). I have also stood in a queue for the pharmacy and chosen to hold my crying child because I’m desperate and have been waiting for half an hour. Had someone called me out I would have burst into tears myself and I’m 40. It’s just not as simple as “sort out your child” Also if it’s a public place like a park (not restaurant/church/bank/shop whatever) and my kid is being totally unreasonable it might be a good call to ignore them. I’m not convinced someone can always reliably tell if a parent just isn’t trying or not.

When a toddler is in full blow tantrum meltdown there really is nothing you can do but wait it out. They're unreasonable like that. Of course it's best to go outside, but you do just get dirty looks from the people out there instead of the people in the cafe, so you really can't win.

I have children and I agree that parents should try and move their children when they are tantruming and it has gone on for a while. I have seen scenarios where a child is very distressed and the parent just sits there, as if it’s not happening. It doesn’t even look like a tactic, they don’t seem to care.

I think your comment is insensitive as children are their own people. They really are. Yes, there are parents that clearly don’t care and don’t seem bothered, and I would really like there to be a way to identify those parents - as that kind of parenting is neglectful in the long run - but that is something different all together. And I feel that is probably the issue that you are addressing - finding a way to get through to neglectful parents.

As I said, I did take him home. But that involved picking him up whilst screaming and flailing and his scooter and bag, going inside to pay and then walking for 10 mins whilst carrying him (and leaving our food). There were some other customers outside but fairly spread out. But it’s a judgment call - usually these things end in a minute or so, today it didn’t.

Ha. Come back and read this thread after you have had kids.

How do you know which ones have hidden disabilities?

Why can they not take the child/ren outside till they calm down?, parents can up with a million reasons why they tantrum happens but I cant think of one which means they cant take the child out away from other patrons