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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect my DH to take the day off today...

192 replies

2in2022twoyearson · 02/04/2025 06:20

...to look after our children as I have a virus, sore throat and ear pain mostly, very mild cough and congestion. I didn't sleep well the past two nights. Fully awake since 4 because I was too uncomfortable also, maybe poor mental health, I've had insomnia when I was pregnant, with prenatal anxiety and it's a vicious cycle. Took a lemsip at 5 which has made me feel ok, but if my DH goes to work I'll have to drive to do the school runs, go to a toddler gym I booked, which would probably be easier than staying at home, and generally care for my 2 year old. The 3pm school pick up I'm most worried about as I think I might not be able to do as if he was home I'd nap then. I'll see how I feel in an hour. I did stay home with ds a few months ago when I felt ill, was not too bad when DH left for work so didn't suggest anything and it was horrible so I decided I'd ask.

Context, I work 4 days a week with wednesdays off and yesterday I didn't feel well at work and came home an hour early. I was feverish in the night, DH comented on it.

Other options: see if childminder can have 2 year old and/ or book DD (at school) into after school club. My aunt may be free to do some childcare, she lives about 20 minutes drive as does my cousin, who also has 2 small children and Wednesdays off work but has never looked after ds.

I feel physically ok now, but that's the lemsip and I am unlikely to be able to stay awake all day.

DH is still in bed I gently asked if he'd take the day off and he, still half asleep said 'im not staying at home.' I felt suddenly so angry.i left the room because if I can argue with me he'll think I'm feeling ok.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 02/04/2025 06:23

I wouldn’t expect my dh to take a day off unless I was very unwell. Sounds like you are unwell, but nothing that you couldn’t plough on through with. Stick some Cbeebies on and lie on the sofa. It’s rubbish doing the school run etc when you’re unwell but been there many times. I guess it depends how easy it is for your dh to take the day off, how much AL he gets in a year. Is it needed? Get well soon.

Chocguzel · 02/04/2025 06:24

I think for a sore throat and slight fever I’d soldier on and maybe ask for help as you have described from. Relative or friend.

Vomiting viruses are a different story.

If one partner has to take time off for another partner’s viruses plus their own viruses and maybe some of the days the kids are ill so someone has to be off work then it becomes problematic with their employer.

i hope you feel better soon.

TheNightingalesStarling · 02/04/2025 06:26

Can you drive safely? That was our trigger for if extra help was needed.

JulietSierra · 02/04/2025 06:26

If you’re feeling fine after a Lemsip then you’re really not too ill to look after your children.
Just keep up with regular paracetamol every 4-6 hours and hopefully that’ll do the trick.

HelenWheels · 02/04/2025 06:28

i agree you should soldier on

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 02/04/2025 06:29

Honestly, if you feel ok with the lemsip then no I wouldn’t expect dh to take a day off. Just keep on top of the painkillers and rest as much as you can. Hope you feel better soon.

Mistressofnone · 02/04/2025 06:29

I have exactly the same symptoms. So much pain in throat & ear, congested but not really a cough. Fever. Turned out to be strep throat which is doing the rounds - via the kids. Check your throat for white spots!

SallyWD · 02/04/2025 06:30

Please don't go to the toddler gym and make other people ill.

PlanetOtter · 02/04/2025 06:31

Now, you need to get on with it. I totally get why you’d like a day in bed, but you CAN look after the children, so you should

RancidRuby · 02/04/2025 06:32

I think it's just one of those things as a parent that you have to suck up, I wouldn't expect my husband to take the day off (and vice versa) unless I was so ill that I couldn't get out of bed/off the toilet e.g. flu or very bad d&v.

Dose yourself up on something a bit stronger than lemsip and power through.

susiedaisy1912 · 02/04/2025 06:35

Cancel any unnecessary activities. Keep hydrated and keep any small children entertained with the tv so you can rest. You have a cold op it’s sucks but you can get through this.

4pmwinetimebebeh · 02/04/2025 06:35

I’d try and get the kids into extra childcare so you can have a rest day if possible but I wouldn’t ask DH to stay off ‘in case’ you feel worse later or want to nap!

itsmeits · 02/04/2025 06:37

You think you will be okay to take 2yo to the thing you have booked.
you are fine if you are considering going out - if its the lensips working take another.

BigButtons · 02/04/2025 06:40

Agree with others. If you were very ill and could not get out of bed then maybe yes. If you can function when taking painkillers then you can function.
i do it all the time. Might not feel great but it gets me through.

Agix · 02/04/2025 06:40

If you feel OK after a lemsip then get on with it, it's mild illness.

Hercisback1 · 02/04/2025 06:40

He doesn't need to be off. Don't go to the toddler gym, see if you can get a extra day in the childminder s. Save him being off for when you get really poorly.

CaptainFuture · 02/04/2025 06:41

SallyWD · 02/04/2025 06:30

Please don't go to the toddler gym and make other people ill.

Absolutely this, if you're well enough to consider this.... just have a tv and duvet day! Are you expecting to be back at work tomorrow?

Sofiewoo · 02/04/2025 06:41

No, sore throat, sore ear, mild cough and you “feel okay” you muddle through. It’s a bit dramatic for your DH to take unpaid leave because you’ve a bit of a cold.

TwentyTwentyFive · 02/04/2025 06:42

SallyWD · 02/04/2025 06:30

Please don't go to the toddler gym and make other people ill.

Agreed. Just because it would in your opinion be easier to deal with the 2 year old there doesn't mean it's ok to take him.

You're fine after a lemsip so no I don't think you need your husband to take the day off. It seems incredibly unnecessary for what sounds like a mild illness. Keep taking the lemsips and you'll be fine.

andyouwillknowusbythetrailofdead · 02/04/2025 06:42

You've got a mild cold by the sound of it? I think you need to get on with it, though absolutely do not go to the toddler gym and spread your germs around. No way would I expect DH to take the day off for a slight cold.

Zippityjumpingbean · 02/04/2025 06:42

For an Emergancy or severe illness I’d expect him to stay home, for a cold…no. Sorry it’s miserable I get that but soldiering on when you feel a bit rough is part of the parenthood package.
if your aunt is around could you ask her to come over for a couple of hours in the afternoon so you can have a nap?

Then maybe take your toddler out for some fresh air, it will help you feel a bit better and hopefully tire them out a bit.

i hope you feel better soon.

HS1990 · 02/04/2025 06:45

Yeah agreed with previous posters. I'd ask some school mum friends to take on the pickup and drop offs. Cancel the toddler gym and run a bubble bath for the little one. I do this twice a work with my son when he's home from nursery as I WFH. Always eats up a good hour. TV and Jim jam day, takeaway. Just lower the standard a bit. Take ibuprofen which will give you a good boost.

User5274959 · 02/04/2025 06:45

No I'm sorry you feel rough but I'd expect to soldier on to, keep yourself dosed up and book the extra childcare if you can.

If I was your DH's work I'd think it a bit flakey for him to stay home because you had a sore throat/cold/fever type virus

WhatMe123 · 02/04/2025 06:46

I wouldn't tbf unless I was so ill I physically couldn't get out of bed. I'd dose myself up with paracetamol

loveyoutothemoonandtosaturn · 02/04/2025 06:47

Send the toddler to the childminder and enjoy a duvet day. I definitely would not be asking my husband to take a day off if I had a slight cold!

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