To expect my DH to take the day off today...

[2in2022twoyearson]

...to look after our children as I have a virus, sore throat and ear pain mostly, very mild cough and congestion. I didn't sleep well the past two nights. Fully awake since 4 because I was too uncomfortable also, maybe poor mental health, I've had insomnia when I was pregnant, with prenatal anxiety and it's a vicious cycle. Took a lemsip at 5 which has made me feel ok, but if my DH goes to work I'll have to drive to do the school runs, go to a toddler gym I booked, which would probably be easier than staying at home, and generally care for my 2 year old. The 3pm school pick up I'm most worried about as I think I might not be able to do as if he was home I'd nap then. I'll see how I feel in an hour. I did stay home with ds a few months ago when I felt ill, was not too bad when DH left for work so didn't suggest anything and it was horrible so I decided I'd ask.

Context, I work 4 days a week with wednesdays off and yesterday I didn't feel well at work and came home an hour early. I was feverish in the night, DH comented on it.

Other options: see if childminder can have 2 year old and/ or book DD (at school) into after school club. My aunt may be free to do some childcare, she lives about 20 minutes drive as does my cousin, who also has 2 small children and Wednesdays off work but has never looked after ds.

I feel physically ok now, but that's the lemsip and I am unlikely to be able to stay awake all day.

DH is still in bed I gently asked if he'd take the day off and he, still half asleep said 'im not staying at home.' I felt suddenly so angry.i left the room because if I can argue with me he'll think I'm feeling ok.

I think he should take the day off. It’s important to rest and pace yourself when you have a virus and if you need to even ask him to be off then that’s a sign you’re too ill to manage alone . Would he even take half a day off to help later on ?

Because typing on MN is equivalent to looking after a 2 year old and doing school runs feeling unwell 😂

You’re pregnant, unwell and haven’t slept. Your DH should be looking after you and his kids. Can he WFH as a compromise?

Don’t go to the toddler gym if you’re sick. Why pass on the bug to young children?

Sorry it’s miserable but that’s life.

If my partner and I had taken days off every time the other was ill we’d both have got the sack!

Definitely get the extra childcare though. And I’d ask him to fix lunch for you both before he goes and get back at a decent time to help with bed time.

No, I wouldn’t expect my husband to take a day off just because I’ve needed a lemsip

Feeling OK after a lemsip doesn't equal sick enough another adult should call in sick to care for kids and you. Sounds like you've been lucky with illness because this wouldn't even register as a possibility for many people, you're not sick enough for what you're wanting to be reasonable.

Being ill and having to look after young children is one of the worst parts of parenting. I totally get why you want your DH to stay home. However, I’m afraid you don’t sound incapacitated, which I would have had to have been to ask DH to stay home. I would try and push through and see how you are tomorrow.

Yes I don't get why OP is even contemplating this. She's apparently so sick she needs her husband to stay home, but has no qualms passing the bug on to other people including a room full of toddlers.

Oh it's rotten @2in2022twoyearson when you feel rough and have to carry on.

Alternate between paracetamol (lemsip or otherwise) and ibruprofen to keep you going through the day. Do school run this morning then snuggle up with the toddler. Make a room safe then lie on the sofa while they watch tv/play, then have a nap when they do (if they do). See if someone else can do the later pick up for you

No. Madness. It will no doubt feel endless but you get through it.

you seem well enough to manage based on the evidence

No he doesn't need to take the day off! Like the wives of people that work away or are single mums, you have to get on with it.

Perhaps don't take the tiller to the activity and just come home and set up a play area whilst you rest on a couch.

If there is any scope for flexibility in his job, e.g start late or finish early for school run, then that would be reasonable, but I don't think many employers would give a day off because his wife has a virus.

Is there another school parent who might be able to take your son with them on the school run? Or perhaps your relative may be able to do that?

Don't even think about going to the toddler group if you are ill enough to even consider asking your husband to take a day off. Sell it to your toddler as a lazy day, give them as much screen time, easy snacks and TV as they want and cuddle up with them on the sofa.

Keep dosing up and be clear DH takes over all childcare as soon as he gets home, ideally bringing something easy for tea with him

Really sorry you’re feeling unwell but one of the really crap bits of being a parent is you don’t really get sicks days unless you are really incapacitated which it really doesn’t sound like you are. And you only have the one child - it’s really not that bad!

Well unless I couldn’t drive I’d do the school run and I definitely wouldn’t share my germs at the toddler activity. Paracetamol when your lend up has worn off and large milky coffees as caffeine will help and warm drinks are comforting.

Surely either childminder or give the toddler something they don't normally get like an iPad and nap on the sofa? I wouldn't ask DH to take the day off

I mean she is fine and to not ask DP to take time off. I agree she shouldn't be risking others health.
I'd she feels up to going she isn't that un well.

I'm very sorry you are poorly and having a shit week.

I know we are all different but I cannot fathom how going to a toddler gym could in any way shape or form be easier than staying home! On what planet is going to a toddler gym easy?!

Even if it is preferable to you, it's incredibly selfish and unreasonable to consider it as you will pass your horrible illness on to toddlers and other exhausted parents!

Agree with pretty much everyone else. If you were throwing up or unable to get out of bed or warranting a hospital trip that’s one thing, but this sounds like a case of push through!

Get him to do the school runs. Don’t go to toddler gym and spread your germs.

Sorry you’re feeling ill but I think you’ll manage today. Easy food for the toddler, lie down as much as you can, set alarms for things you have to do.

We’ve recently had the flu and the noro, kids and both adults really ill with both, and it’s shit but you just muddle on as best you can.

No he can't take the day off. You will have to just manage as best as you can. Send toddler to the childminder.

You just said you feel ok now, just tired.
Then gave some other possible options for help.
I'd only expect my husband to stay off work if I was exceptionally unwell, not a bit of a cold and tired.

Thanks all, lack of sleep was not helping me think clearly in the early hours. Was catastrophosing that the lemsip was just giving temporary relief and I could feel even worse by now. I don't. Successfuly got DD to school and are playing with trains while I'm lying on the sofa.