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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my DH to take the day off today...

192 replies

2in2022twoyearson · 02/04/2025 06:20

...to look after our children as I have a virus, sore throat and ear pain mostly, very mild cough and congestion. I didn't sleep well the past two nights. Fully awake since 4 because I was too uncomfortable also, maybe poor mental health, I've had insomnia when I was pregnant, with prenatal anxiety and it's a vicious cycle. Took a lemsip at 5 which has made me feel ok, but if my DH goes to work I'll have to drive to do the school runs, go to a toddler gym I booked, which would probably be easier than staying at home, and generally care for my 2 year old. The 3pm school pick up I'm most worried about as I think I might not be able to do as if he was home I'd nap then. I'll see how I feel in an hour. I did stay home with ds a few months ago when I felt ill, was not too bad when DH left for work so didn't suggest anything and it was horrible so I decided I'd ask.

Context, I work 4 days a week with wednesdays off and yesterday I didn't feel well at work and came home an hour early. I was feverish in the night, DH comented on it.

Other options: see if childminder can have 2 year old and/ or book DD (at school) into after school club. My aunt may be free to do some childcare, she lives about 20 minutes drive as does my cousin, who also has 2 small children and Wednesdays off work but has never looked after ds.

I feel physically ok now, but that's the lemsip and I am unlikely to be able to stay awake all day.

DH is still in bed I gently asked if he'd take the day off and he, still half asleep said 'im not staying at home.' I felt suddenly so angry.i left the room because if I can argue with me he'll think I'm feeling ok.

OP posts:
Overthebow · 02/04/2025 06:49

No, I wouldn’t expect my DH to take a day off work for a sore throat/cold/bit tired. You’ve taken pension and feel ok, this is something you just have to get through.

PrincessBing · 02/04/2025 06:52

Given that you're well emough to be considering attending toddler gym - no, I wouldn't stay home with you either.

I'd cancel toddler gym as in this instance sharing (germs) is not caring, let the tv entertain the little one and try and organise some pick ups with friends, cousin etc so you can try to avoid the afternoon school run.

ClearHoldBuild · 02/04/2025 06:52

Once my husband felt like you do and it was one of the days I worked. He asked me to take the day off to watch the children because he felt ill. As I left for work I was still laughing.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 02/04/2025 06:54

I think you can certainly cope with today - you seem fine; just a little under the weather. If you start getting worse during the day, plan to take tomorrow off work when your toddler will be in childcare and you can just sleep in between school runs!

faerietales · 02/04/2025 06:55

You can’t be that unwell if you’re still considering taking your 2yo to toddler gym (which would be monumentally selfish btw).

Dose up, do the school run then come back home and have a duvet day on the sofa. If you’re feeling awful when DH gets home then just go back to bed.

ViaBlue · 02/04/2025 06:57

You probably need to manage, sounds like DH won't help this time...you have my full sympathy though.

Being ill when you have young children to take care of is just horrible.

Mercedes45 · 02/04/2025 06:57

Can't be too bad if lemsip is sorting you out. Get on with it

Toddlergirly · 02/04/2025 06:57

If you’re unwell then don’t take your daughter to a toddler play centre! You’ll give the other parents and toddlers your cold. Sore throat and congestion isn’t great, but this is a very mild common cold. It’s not like you’re in severe pain or have D&V.

BendingSpoons · 02/04/2025 06:58

Lemsip is not particularly powerful, so if that has helped, it doesn't sound like you are that ill. Tiredness is horrible and it's tough when you want to nap, but you can stay awake.

TheJollyMoose · 02/04/2025 06:58

Nope, and YWBU to ask him to.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 02/04/2025 06:59

PlanetOtter · 02/04/2025 06:31

Now, you need to get on with it. I totally get why you’d like a day in bed, but you CAN look after the children, so you should

Agreed. You've got a cold, and would like to nap in the afternoon so want him to stay off? 🙄😂

Other options: see if childminder can have 2 year old and/ or book DD (at school) into after school club. My aunt may be free to do some childcare, she lives about 20 minutes drive as does my cousin, who also has 2 small children and Wednesdays off work but has never looked after ds.

Or, just do what the vast majority of the adult world do when they have a cold, and just get on with it.

stayathomer · 02/04/2025 07:01

Op hope you feel better soon

sorry hit post by mistake. Get the kids to school and minders then get to bed and hopefully you start feeling ok after a few hours sleep.

Whaleandsnail6 · 02/04/2025 07:04

I wouldn't take the day off in these circumstances and I wouldn't ask dh to either.

You feel okay after the lemsip. Just do the school run then have a lazy day with 2 year old at home .. don't go to the gym, its not fair on others if you may be contagious

Take some toys in the living room and let toddler have unlimited screen time while you rest on settee. Set an alarm for pm school run and do an easy tea. Keep dosed up in lemsip through the day.

MiserableMrsMopp · 02/04/2025 07:04

I've had this bug for just over a week. Over the weekend I felt absolutely abysmal. I still had to look after my very active 6 year old grandchild and work from home (video calls) too. I managed both (badly) because 1) I couldn't afford not to work and 2) I had no other option. And I'm clearly much older than you.

As parents (and grandparents sometimes it seems) you just battle on.

As others on here have said, put the TV on. No, screens are not good. But the good thing about limiting screen use the rest of the time is that they're mesmerising in an emergency situation.

Zezet · 02/04/2025 07:06

Sorry, no, it wouldn't even occur to me (or him) to ask or expect this. It's part of parenting and adulting, though mildly unpleasant.

Get better soon!

ThejoyofNC · 02/04/2025 07:08

Surely you realise that part of being a parent is having to soldier on when you're not feeling great? How do you think your DH would come across at work if he took a day off because his wife isn't feeling well? It's not a good enough reason.

honeylulu · 02/04/2025 07:08

No I wouldn't expect it and wouldn't even have asked because he would have said no. And I'd have said no if he asked me to stay home when I was due at work. A dire emergency would be different but I would have hugely been letting down work clients who were booked in to see me that day.

You have options which is great. Try the childminder and after school club first, that sounds very sensible. If not, push on through, see if husband can come home a bit early and take over so you can have an early night.

itsgettingweird · 02/04/2025 07:08

I wouldn’t expect him to stay home.

But my answer is probably skewed because I’ve been a single parent since ds was 1 and so in you situation I had no choice other than to get on with it.

serious illness is different.

WonderingWanda · 02/04/2025 07:10

You are being a bit of a baby. This is adulting and parenting. Keep up with the lemsip, stay home with the toddler and rest and pop ouf for the school runs. Then have an easy tea and an early night. You really aren't that ill.

hattie43 · 02/04/2025 07:10

most people can’t just take the day off work ‘ it’s not optional . You had an uncomfortable cold you weren’t dying .

Ilovelurchers · 02/04/2025 07:11

Everyone, she mentions her mental health is poor at the moment. Rather than telling her to "soldier on", maybe we need to listen to that.....

OP, only you know what you can and can't do. If you can't do it, it's fine to admit you can't do it. And reach out for help in whatever form that takes.

You don't have to be physically "ill enough" to deserve help. If you can't cope right now you can't cope. And that's ok. Happens to a lot of us one time or another.

Fioratourer · 02/04/2025 07:11

Unless a horrendous sickness bug no I would always get on with it. The joy of parenting unfortunately.

legsekeven · 02/04/2025 07:12

Take another lemsip in a few hours. Napping may make sleeping tonight worse so maybe power though and go to bed as early as possible

HuskyNew · 02/04/2025 07:13

as above, sounds like you can muddle through today with tv & lemsip.

take tomorrow off your own work to rest if you’re not feeling better enough to go in

OneLemonGuide · 02/04/2025 07:14

Having been there myself, as I expect all parents have who don’t have live-in nannies, you just need to soldier on. Stop being pathetic and just get on with it.

The fact you can write such a long post is evidence enough you’re not that ill - if you were properly ill, you wouldn’t have been able to!