To expect my DH to take the day off today...

[2in2022twoyearson]

...to look after our children as I have a virus, sore throat and ear pain mostly, very mild cough and congestion. I didn't sleep well the past two nights. Fully awake since 4 because I was too uncomfortable also, maybe poor mental health, I've had insomnia when I was pregnant, with prenatal anxiety and it's a vicious cycle. Took a lemsip at 5 which has made me feel ok, but if my DH goes to work I'll have to drive to do the school runs, go to a toddler gym I booked, which would probably be easier than staying at home, and generally care for my 2 year old. The 3pm school pick up I'm most worried about as I think I might not be able to do as if he was home I'd nap then. I'll see how I feel in an hour. I did stay home with ds a few months ago when I felt ill, was not too bad when DH left for work so didn't suggest anything and it was horrible so I decided I'd ask.

Context, I work 4 days a week with wednesdays off and yesterday I didn't feel well at work and came home an hour early. I was feverish in the night, DH comented on it.

Other options: see if childminder can have 2 year old and/ or book DD (at school) into after school club. My aunt may be free to do some childcare, she lives about 20 minutes drive as does my cousin, who also has 2 small children and Wednesdays off work but has never looked after ds.

I feel physically ok now, but that's the lemsip and I am unlikely to be able to stay awake all day.

DH is still in bed I gently asked if he'd take the day off and he, still half asleep said 'im not staying at home.' I felt suddenly so angry.i left the room because if I can argue with me he'll think I'm feeling ok.

I don’t think this is a man/woman issue though tbf.
when my dc were younger it was dad who was at home whilst I was a full time assistant head teacher.

if he had tried to insist that i stayed off work because he had the sniffles I’d have been to say the least!!

and yes I did expect him to seek support from people around him who weren’t in work first before I took time off.

it wasn’t a gender divide issue, just the need to keep doing a good job at work and keep earning money is important.

I do feel sorry for the OP, feeling ill and having to power through is miserable but we all do it sometimes.

They can't be helpful - they have cancelled the strep swab Boots service for 10 quid, I am afraid. Don't offer it anymore.

@GreatGardenstuff your exactly right, it was his attitude, dismissive rather than supportive, especially with my anxiety that's been going on for years. And we had argued before bed. I imagined I might have something worse. And at the beginning of the year I became ill with norovirus when I was looking after ds and want to avoid that happening.But I know I was unreasonable, too sleep deprived and as my original post was a train of irritated thoughts. I've obviously upset some people are very bitter about how they always soldier on, and even a discussion about resting when ill is taboo! He's said in the past how he'd take time off for childcare, he's not got a very critical job, not a surgeon. He is also not keen on people our children don't know well looking after our children.

Anyway, that was yesterday. And I had a nap when DH got home then a proper nights sleep last night. Today I'm working from home in the morning, have a headache worse than yesterday. My sore throat eased, I always check for white spots as I've had tonsillitis before, but fortunately no sign. Thanks for the tips, I will be calling 111 if I suspect strep throat because gp/pharmacy is always changing and area dependent.

Yes they are always exceptions. I don't deny that. It is often a man/woman issue though.

Yes sometimes there is a man who will step in but the majority of the time it is a woman.

You see it all the time especially with older women who are going to be grandmothers. People ask if they will give up work to help out with the new grandchild. This is rarely asked of an older man.

Yabu. Your OH does not have to take the day off, you are being dramatic.

I wouldn't expect DH to take a day off with the symptoms you describe. I'd definitely sack off the toddler gym personally and just have a duvet day at home. Is there a friend doing the school run anyway that could drop your LO back to save you going out? It sucks but it's the life of a parent, on the flipside my DH wouldn't take a day off with the symptoms you describe either, he'd probably just ask to wfh

I’m sorry you’re not well. I would expect my DH to do what he could do make life easier. He has done things like made packed lunches for us so I don’t have to stand up to make food, arranged a friend to drop older child back home and brought home a take away or cooked dinner.

It’s really tough being at home unwell with little ones but it’s also inevitable at times.

I'm sorry but you sound like a wet blanket. If a lemsip is all it takes to make u feel better then you are not Ill. Jesus wept grow up.

Yes I do feel like a wet blanket with how much snot was coming out of my nose. I had a good moan annomously

How about having some compassion for someone who is not feeling well and trying to look after her children? Most of us have been there.

@2in2022twoyearson I hope you feel better very soon.

Why do I need to repeat what I have already written?

Your symptoms were mild. You were being unreasonable asking him to stay home. Is your anxiety being treated?

No, I am thinking if a lempsil is enough then you should be in discomfort but ok for the day.

If you start to be very feverish or feel your head going then he should be heading home straight away as it is dangerous for babe. He needs to monitor his phone and be clear that he needs to come back home when you ask.

Trust is key here. For you and him.

Good luck 🌺

@laraitopbanana thanks.this thread is old, on Wednesday I was fine with ds but a plan like your suggesting would have made me feel calmer. Yesterday I did a half day at work. Today I woke up with a headache and sore throat still. I had just decided it was not too bad and I could go to work when my older child threw up. So we'll have a rest day together and she doesn't need the same energy to look after, being 7.

☺️

I can't have Lemsip and I wouldn't expect DH to take time off work, sorry. Paracetamol and Coke Zero and some gritted teeth I'm afraid are the way forward. My toddler used to love "tucking me up" and "taking care of Mummy" which meant they played whilst I got to be under a blanket on the sofa...