To consider private school

[HowManyDucks]

I hesitated about putting this question to AIBU as I know it is a decisive issue on Mumsnet, but it is ultimately an AIBU so I've put my hard hat on.

I'm being very honest and am writing things that I would never say out loud. It's not humble brag. I am just trying to work out the best thing to do for DD (like every mum does).

Private school was not on my radar at all but I am a firm believer in parenting the child you have. I'm trying to work out whether sending to DD to a private school would actually be in her best interest or whether it is just trying to compensate for my own incredibly disappointing school experience.

Some context.
My brother was a maths whizz (getting As in a level maths and further maths age 14 without ever picking up a revision book). He never went to uni and 10 years after leaving school, works in Tesco. (Nothing wrong with that of course but so much wasted potential). I, on the other hand, was a bright (not exceptional like my brother) all rounder, think straight As at GCSE and A level. I was offered a music scholarship to a fancy private school but wasn't allowed to go. I resented this for a long time. I went to a bog standard secondary and hated every second of it. I would hate for DD to have to go through what I went though. Most of my classmates went into vocational jobs and apprenticeships after school instead of uni. I joined the military because I didn't this uni was for people from my background. So that's where I am coming from. I grew up in a single parent household, with an alcoholic mother where education was not prioritised. For her, private school was for posh people with more money than sense.

Fast forward to having DD. I am a single mum. DD is 13 months old. I'm getting ready to go back to work and so have been on the hunt for a nursery.

I understand that babies develop at different rates and that hitting milestones 's early doesn't correspond with intelligence. However, it is becoming increasingly difficult to hide how advanced my DD is and people are commenting a lot. She took her first steps at 7.5 months, walking confidently at 9. At 12 months had a vocabulary of 90+ words (only counting the words she used consistently and in context), could identify approx 10 shapes (like parallelogram and trapezium), she knows approx 20 letters of the alphabet (phonetically) and is pointing out letters when we are out and about. She can recognise some familiar words and is showing an interest in reading. She is excellent at following instructions, I talk to her like I would a five or six year old.
She is 13 months 🤦

After some recent threads about behaviour in primary schools i am increasingly worried about whether our local state schools would be best for her (not their fault but if course). Supporting SEND, managing behaviour, and helping all children achieve national average is a greater priority that stretching an able child. I live in London and moving is not an option. I am asking these questions now as local private schools have long waiting lists (some encourage parent s to register from birth).

I am in a position where I could afford private school for a couple of years. At the moment I am thinking of paying for her to attend a local private school with the view of applying for a scholarship place if she proves to be academically able in the future. I wouldn't be able to afford her whole schooling at a private school.

I appreciate my post is long so I will stop here but happy to answer any specific questions.

Final thing. I have no idea about how the private system works and am just starting to get my head around it. Id really appreciate to hear other people's experience (I know their are a lot of mumsnetters with children at private school).

If you don’t need long hours childcare, you could look for a committee-run pre-school setting if there is one nearish to you. They are specialist, non-school based and often very child-focused - as well as very much cheaper than day nursery or private schools based pre-school class.

The rigidity is built for getting kids to pass their a level exams which is nationally set. However there is flexibility in that system and additional opportunities both at private and state.

The National Curriculum for Primary (state) is set, but can be delivered rigidly (same topics every year, standardised materials) or highly flexibly.

Now Ofsted’s focus is on the curriculum delivered by a school, those schools feeling they have the freedom to be flexible (in Y1-6) are less common than they were. But the very 2 years OP wants her child out of the state system for - Pre-school and Reception - remain extremely flexible and child-led ime.

I don't completely understand what you mean by 'private nurseries'. It's not as though there's such a thing as a state catchment nursery like a state catchment primary school. Aren't most nurseries private in the sense that they charge high fees (and may offer 'free 30 hours to older children, which are not normally free or 30 hours). If you mean a nursery which is attached to a private school, as opposed to a normal (but still private) day nursery, I'm not sure that they would be any different really. The main reason people want to get their children into a nursery attached to a private school tends to be in order to get them into the private prep, in order to make sure they have a better chance of getting into the private senior school, rather than because that nursery is itself 'academically stretching'.

My older child was 'advanced' - reading chapter books before she started school. She went to a normal day nursery (which was 'private' in the sense of belonging to one of the big nursery chains and costing us a lot of money, though affiliated to DH workplace) and was totally fine and not at all bored. She would sit there and read the books when she fancied it, but spent most of her time very busy with the usual nursery activities and games. In early years, children follow their interests and even the most academically minded still have a lot to be challenged by in social and emotional development. The same is true in the early years of primary school - DD started expressing boredom at school in the second part of primary because the curriculum becomes more academically focused and less free-form (but academically focuses on the kids in the middle, and so becomes repetitive for those who pick things up right away).

When she is school age, if she is bright, stretch her at home. For example, support her to learn an instrument (this is really good for children who are not challenged at school, as however good they are they will have to experience things not being easy and learn resilience). Get her magazines on her particular interests, encourage her to read widely, teach her chess or a new language. And if you think she is ND, discuss this with nursery and school early so she can get support in place.

But for the moment she is tiny - by all means think about getting yourself in a good catchment for the future, but the next few years it really doesn't matter where she goes to nursery as long as the nursery is well run and loving.

It is very much dependent on the nursery- our private school nursery, for example, is open all year round, not just term time

I have found one that is open 48 weeks (paid monthly not termly). 15 free hours the same as other nurseries.

Another is termly but the day rate is significantly cheaper when compared to some other local nurseries.

The 15 hours still only applies 39 weeks of the year so if a DC goes 48 weeks a year it will average to about 12 hours "funded" (unlikely to be actually free, the nursery always has to find ways to make the books balance and what they get from the government for the 15 hrs is a lot less than what it costs to provide the service)

I've done the maths and put them side by side. 😊

Hmme..so both DC went to a state nursery (not attached to the primary they eventually went to)..I looked at a nursery attached to a private primary (they wouldn't have gone to the private primary btw, but nursery fees were comparable).
Dc1 has ended up with a ND diagnosis and has geranal ability in the 99th centile (so in general terms very bright but the ND trickyness makes things harder). Even back then I knew that learning through play, learning reciprocal play and learning how to share/manage frustrations with peers was far far more important than the 'structure' and challenge of a 'curriculum'. The academics were a given...DC was bright, but the challenge was all the other stuff. The private nursery was overly focused on the development of knowledge and skills related to prepping for academic success which at that age is the wrong focus for all kids and for bright potentially ND kids is really missing the point.