Friend commented about my timekeeping

[newstome23]

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the best when it comes to being on time, unless it’s for work or an important event. I usually see my friend a few times a month for lunch or coffee. She doesn’t drive and lives 30 mins away depending on traffic. There’s always been this expectation of me having to pick her up whenever we’ve gone somewhere. She never meets me halfway or at the actual location, even though there’s public transport available and her partner drives. I also have to drop her back home when we’ve finished.

I’ve been late to pick her up on a few occasions, sometimes my fault, others not so much (for example, I left on time this morning but the bin men turned up and I had to wait for them to finish before I could get past) which made me late. It’s normally 10-15 mins not hours and hours but she made a comment afterwards about my lateness which pissed me off.

I’ve never complained about having to drive her around, even though it generally means I have to go back on myself. But perhaps I’d be on time if I didn’t have to worry about picking her up all the time on top of everything else?!

AIBU?

She expects you to spend an extra hour driving her around while she waits at her home to be picked up and dropped off like royalty (for free), and thinks YOU don't respect HER time?

I'm super confused.

This with bells on.

If it's more often than not, I find the inability to be on time a fairly negative trait. But at the same time, as a PP said, if someone was doing me a massive favour taxing me to all our meet ups I'd be putting that thought firmly to bed.

I think your friend has become a bit entitled OP. Perhaps she's got so used to you running her everywhere that she's forgotten what a massive time sink it is for you and how much time it saves her. Next time you make a coffee date, tell her you'll meet her there as you know she hates you being late and you find it much easier to be on time when you don't over commit yourself.

You are resenting driving your friend about.
As well, you are often late and she is rude.

It's time to call quits on the arrangement.
Pick up your friend no more than twice per year.

I hate lateness. But in this case I hate the entitled friend’s rudeness more.

I agree with PP that you're both unreasonable. Your attitude that you can manage to be on time for "important events" is exactly what annoys people about lateness. It's so inconsiderate.
BUT.....
Your friend is waiting at home for a free lift that she expects every time you meet, not standing around at a meeting point. Moaning about your free taxi service is very ungrateful of her.

You don't have to do anything, op. You don't have to pick her up. Or drop her off.

And if you're late due to no fault of your own then she will just have to accept it. Christ, she's getting free lifts!

If you met her there, don’t be late. It’s really annoying to be sitting in a coffee shop waiting for someone.

Also, it’s really annoying when someone is often late but thinks it’s ok as long as they text and say ‘sorry, running late’. It’s not.

Being late is inexcusable unless there is reason to cancel (ie last minute childcare issue or a death or severe illness)
if you’re good to go. You’re good to be on time
I despise latecomers - you are literally saying my life and time is more important than yours.
the pick up drop off situation is completely different issue. Don’t conflate the two.

I hate lateness especially when people can be on time for “important things” and work. My time being wasted by waiting for you is important to me.

But, if that person is relying on your generosity with lifts especially to and from then she either needs to suck it up or meet you there.

It’s even more important you’re there on time if you’re meeting her at the venue!

Separate issues. You're resentful at giving her lifts, so why do you always go along with it? What's the reason she doesn't drive, and is public transport an option? Eg regular buses/trains/tube/trams not 1 bus an hour and 3 changes. If you live close it would come across as petty to not pick her up.

The binman excuse sounds childish and a bit ridiculous, imagine saying that if you were late for work! Take responsibility if you're late, it's not their fault for blocking you in, you should have remembered this when setting a time.

I quickly lose respect for people who are often late. How difficult is it to be on time these days, when you can set alarms and reminders on your phone? When I'm meeting a friend I often set reminders leading up to when I need to leave, including reminders about what I need to do for kids/jobs at home before leaving them with DH. I don't drive for medical reasons, so I take a train then tube. I leave 15mins spare on my plan so I can nip to loo, check hair and make up, put on coat and shoes etc.

I guess your friend feels like you're wasting her time.
I get irritated when someone says 'be ready by 5' then I'm ready 5 mins early just in case only to be waiting in the hall with my jacket on for 20 mins.

If you value this friendship you need to be on time, just as you are for work. Plan ahead. If giving a lift is too much, tell her. But being late and making excuses is really rude and disrespectful

I hate lateness so for that Yabu. However, stop going so far out of your way - make her drive/get bus. She’s being lazy.

I was prepared to say ybu for being late. However you giving her the lift changes things. She shouldn't moan to someone doing her a favour. I'd let her make her own way there in future- but I would also be on time.

She prefers specific times? Tell her you prefer not paying petrol money on waste smiles picking her up and dropping her off!

The fucking audacity.

She’s not signalling her time is more important or she wouldn’t be wasting A LOT of her time picking and dropping of the the cheeky fucking friend!!! (FOR FREE)

i would say
i will be there between 12 and 12.30

like it or not

I would say they are 2 separate issues.

She is late for her friend knowing that she manages to get herself to places on time for "important" things.

Hence I suggested giving a range of times ef. I will be there between 7 and 7.30.

The friend is wrong to expect free lifts all the time in which case, as I said, don't.

I don't see how these are separate issues. She is asking that you repeatedly spend your time going out of your way to give her lifts, and then complaining about those lifts! I'd tell her next time you'll meet her wherever you're going

Perhaps you are being passive aggressive in being late to pick her up rather than having the balls to communicate honestly with her about not wanting to give her lifts every time you go anywhere?

I hate it when people are consistently late. It shows me that they don’t respect me or my time.

but maybe say no to the lifts or ask for petrol on longer trips. Being resentful isn’t good either and doesn’t excuse the lateness.

I think it’s because the OP is annoyed at giving lifts - but should communicate openly with her friend about it rather than turning up late (punishing her?)

She is cheeky to take lifts for granted. She doesn't seem to realise that things can get in the way of driving. I think if she complains say shall we just meet at x then.

I don't think the OP is deliberately turning up later to punish her friend. In her last example she got stuck behind a bin lorry.

But if you were meeting elsewhere you’d still try and be on time right?