Friend commented about my timekeeping

[newstome23]

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the best when it comes to being on time, unless it’s for work or an important event. I usually see my friend a few times a month for lunch or coffee. She doesn’t drive and lives 30 mins away depending on traffic. There’s always been this expectation of me having to pick her up whenever we’ve gone somewhere. She never meets me halfway or at the actual location, even though there’s public transport available and her partner drives. I also have to drop her back home when we’ve finished.

I’ve been late to pick her up on a few occasions, sometimes my fault, others not so much (for example, I left on time this morning but the bin men turned up and I had to wait for them to finish before I could get past) which made me late. It’s normally 10-15 mins not hours and hours but she made a comment afterwards about my lateness which pissed me off.

I’ve never complained about having to drive her around, even though it generally means I have to go back on myself. But perhaps I’d be on time if I didn’t have to worry about picking her up all the time on top of everything else?!

AIBU?

I really hate people being late, but on this occasion she is being a massive CF and needs to be told that. If she ever complains again, suggest she comes to where you live next time via public transport. It’s not an unreasonable request. If she declines I’d say you’re fed up with having to ferry her around every time.

I think you’re often late because you don’t want to pick her up and drop her off every time. She’s got a free door to door taxi service and she should suck it up.

I would expect 10 mins leeway so if I arrange with a friend a time - within ten minutes (unless catching a train or something ) would be fine. You sound pissed off picking her up and dropping her off all the time and I think I would be if it was every time. I would arrange next time to meet her there and say - meet you at x I won't be late (and be on time) I would also say do you want dropping at the bus stop or can you ask husband to pick you up as I have somewhere to be nearer home afterwards. She might then think waiting 10 mins in her own house wasn't the problem she was making out to be.

@ReadingSoManyThreads thanks, but I'm still not clear how that's connected to the OP?

I was late for my DiL this morning - she was picking me up and (thanks to stupid traffic calming where I live that make using my drive difficult) we were to meet in a nearby carpark. I was leaving and could not find my phone - had decided I needed a jacket and fetched one putting bloody phone down. DiL phoned me and I can't answer but did find phone. I apologised and explained. So should you, OP. Being late is rude.
If you don't want to give your friend a lift then say so.

@Feefifothumb Would anybody expect a real taxi to be on time?

Yes.

She’s rude and ungrateful. Next time tell her you’ll meet here there (and make sure you are early).

Yeah, if you were consistently 15 minutes late meeting me then I wouldn't be your friend any more.

Can't stand people who don't respect my time.

Try asking @Brefugee as they were the one who posted it. Not sure if they brought it into this thread intentionally to make some sort of point or not.

It’s only 10 mins?! What’s all the fuss about. I completely expect any friend I meet to be somewhere in the region of the time we arranged so 10 mins early / 10 mins late… would not phase me.

Nice of you to give her lifts.

You’re both unreasonable - your timekeeping shows you don’t value her time because you get to things on time when it matters but she’s unreasonable to always rely on lifts and never contribute.

Life is too short.

I cannot imagine caring if a friend is regularly all of ten minutes late. Ok, a bit annoying, but so what? And if that friend is giving me a lift, then I'd just factor it in.

Does the friend consider the Ops time as important? Does she think, "gosh it is great of OP to collect me every time we meet up (a few times a month) but it's adding an hour to her day. Maybe occasionally I could meet her there. I'm sure she has lots of stuff to do ".

This!

All of this. There's no way I would be picking her up again. She can pay actual money for an actual taxi to pick her up on actual time. You're going out an hour out of your way for her convenience and saving her money. That's the thing about favours of this type, they come to be expected.

She's using you as a free taxi service and should at least offer to pay for the petrol or take you out to lunch. If someone offered me a lift I wouldn't think of complaining if they were a little late.

Tell her that, since you can't always be on time due to traffic etc., it's best if you arrange to meet at the venue next time.

I can't abide poor timekeeping and find the whole "oh, I can be on time for important stuff but you're not important so I'll see you whenevs the spirit moves me" attitude infuriating.

That said - and I say this as a non-driver - you are going out of your way to pick her up all the time and she doesn't so much as offer a contribution towards petrol costs. So she's not in a strong position to come over all affronted about your poor timekeeping when you're acting as her free taxi service.

So basically your her taxi...

All those saying it's rude to be late because it says your time is more valuable. But the OPs time driving to pick the friend up and drop off isn't valuable? The OP demonstrates every time that she is willing to give up her valuable time for the convenience of her friend and at a financial cost. The friend bleats about having to wait 10 minutes in the comfort of her own home and never recognises the time and cost to OP. That's exactly what entitlement is. The problem is entitled people never see any perspective apart from their own and then guilt people when they stop going out of their way for them. How can anyone actually have the front to complain about a free taxi service being late to their house by 10 minutes.
This is all on the 'friend' and their entitled attitude. I would just stop doing it and if the friendship suffered then so what.

Same! I work on a half hour window and am happy to wait for a friend for up to 30 minutes because traffic is shit and stuff happens, and unless we are going to something time sensitive it doesn't matter.

I wouldn't be friends with anyone who got arsey about me being ten minutes late to meet up! Especially if I was giving them constant lifts.

My adhd means I generally am terrible at time keeping. I always give time frames rather than an actual time, because I know what I am like. If people don’t like it, I get it and that’s fine, but I won’t give a concrete time I can’t adhere to. I would just say “happy to pick you up, but I’m sorry I can’t give an exact time as there can be traffic etc so I’ll be there between x and y, if that’s doesn’t work for you, no worries.” I find it odd that people are so rigid with times, if I have a friend who is running late I will always tell them not to rush and reassure them it’s fine. Shit happens!

Personally I don’t think 10 to 15 minutes late on a half hour journey when you’re going out of your way to collect her from her house is a big deal. I’d be pissed off on your shoes. And in her shoes, I’d be grateful to be given a lift and would have offered you petrol money. I think she’s pretty cheeky.

You don't "have to drive" her, so why do you?

That's nonsense. I don't think my time is more important. I'm just one of those people who constantly underestimates how long it's going to take me to get ready for something, and consequently I'm late more often than I would like to be. I was rarely late picking the kids up, and I am not often late for work meetings, so I accept it is some failing in me!

I've always been like this - I'm early 60s and I remember a friend at uni saying that I'd be late for a lecture if I got up the night before! Now that I'm officially old, I panic if I think I am going to late and I struggle even more to get ready! I do always let people know if I am running late though, and it will be no more than 5/10 minutes.

I think this 'friend' is taking the piss to complain if you're late given that she is making feck all effort to get there or get home!!!

Basically this.