Friend commented about my timekeeping

[newstome23]

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the best when it comes to being on time, unless it’s for work or an important event. I usually see my friend a few times a month for lunch or coffee. She doesn’t drive and lives 30 mins away depending on traffic. There’s always been this expectation of me having to pick her up whenever we’ve gone somewhere. She never meets me halfway or at the actual location, even though there’s public transport available and her partner drives. I also have to drop her back home when we’ve finished.

I’ve been late to pick her up on a few occasions, sometimes my fault, others not so much (for example, I left on time this morning but the bin men turned up and I had to wait for them to finish before I could get past) which made me late. It’s normally 10-15 mins not hours and hours but she made a comment afterwards about my lateness which pissed me off.

I’ve never complained about having to drive her around, even though it generally means I have to go back on myself. But perhaps I’d be on time if I didn’t have to worry about picking her up all the time on top of everything else?!

AIBU?

Ordinarily it would be rude to often be late if you were meeting someone, but let’s face it your friend is a CF if she never offers fuel money or to sort a lift and you are going completely out of your way, and not by 5 mins either! Being offered is one thing, but expecting it every time. Nah. I would have said something like, get the bus to meet me next time, they’re usually on time! What an absolute Cf!

I think your lateness is not acceptable and is probably the reason she won’t offer to meet you anywhere as she will have to wait for you?

she should take responsibility for her own transport- I would not accept this

nor would I accept your time keeping

I can’t abide lateness for me it sends the message that you think your time is more valuable than other people’s and everyone should be expected to wait for you

Well the OP's friend doesn't value her friends time because she's running around after her every time.

Its not 2 separate issues as pps have claimed, irs one person getting the benefit of a lift and that same person complaining about conditions of that benefit, thats one issue, the cf

They are both inconsiderate

my point was regarding your post saying “bit dramatic” to a post saying coffee with a friend was important

I’d say ‘Yeah I’m often ten minutes late, but Sarah’s Taxis has been a free service for the last ten years so wind your neck in. Let’s see if you’re ever late when you have to catch the bus. I’ve heard they can be quite unreliable.’

If someone is always late, then yes, I'd find it annoying, but when someone is doing you a favour (providing a lift for free), it's rude to complain about 10 or 15 minutes. If it bothers her, she can stop expecting you to pick her up and deliver her safely home every time you see one another.

I think I'd suggest that next time you meet at a halfway point to reduce your travel time and so she won't be kept waiting. I'd suggest something similar any time she complains or comments. My guess is that she'll realise her free ride is in jeopardy and stop commenting on your timekeeping.

I do think spending time with a friend is important. I just wouldn't be dramatic about someone being a bit late.

My SD is always a bit late but me and her Dad are used to it and just expect her to be late.

I can’t abide lateness for me it sends the message that you think your time is more valuable than other people’s and everyone should be expected to wait for you

That's such a selfish cliche.

When a friend is meeting you at your HOME, the friend is already spending their time on getting to you.
Do you really value their time so little that you expect the friend to start extra early and wait around the corner to be ready to knock exactly at the top of the hour, just to reduce the risk you will have to wait ten minutes of your precious time in the convenience of your own home?

It's like cognitive dissonance. People can't see the irony.

I like this comment.

Pp saying you're considering your time to be more valuable than your friends seem to be over looking one thing. Your "friend" clearly considers her time to be more valuable than yours. She sits at home like the queen of england, waiting for the chauffeur to pick her up. This is eating into your precious time, as you're having to spend more time driving & going out of your way for her.
She never offers you petrol money, doesn't offer to treat you even for a cup of coffee. Can never be be bothered to use public transport or a real taxi to meet you. Then she has the gall to berate you for being a few minutes late! I know which one appears to be a selfish taker and it isn't you op!

I’m a little more forgiving when it comes to my children being a bit late!

but a friend being late every time we meet for a coffee as in the PP comment would certainly indicate they don’t view my time as important and raising it with them, and then getting annoyed if it continues despite that…. Would not be “dramatic” in my opinion.

Id be surprised if any of my kids were late unless it was traffic or something to hat couldn't be helped. They are very particular about getting places on time

As are mine
however I would be a little more forgiving than if it was any one else, as I am with most things when it comes to my children!!

Well you wouldn't be getting a lift then.

Slightly amused at you and the other poster talking about your children never being late.

But that wasn’t what this particular exchange was about? It was a post saying that being late for a coffee with a friend regularly would indicate not regarding their time as important.

Depends how old the kids are surely. Either way, my point was I’m a heck of a lot more forgiving with my children about anything and everything 😂

SD is winning in the rest of her life. Beautiful with a really good job so me and her Dad don't mind a few minutes lateness.

It was more @Gogogo12345 post that amused me.

@OctoberandApril your example involves your SD being late, so your own aren’t ever?

Why did @Gogogo12345 ’s post amuse you? She’s just saying her kids are good time keepers

They are younger and live with us so I'm yet to find out.

They may be like @Gogogo12345 and good timekeepers

It didn't really have anything to do with the OP's post and it came across as she was bragging how particular her children were. Who cares? I was just using my SD as an example. I honestly would not be pissed off if someone who was going out their way to pick me up was a bit late. None of my friends would be bothered either as we appreciate each other doing us favours.

Are you bored and just want an argument?

Me neither
but the exchange between us and couple of others posters branched out