To be upset by a comment my dad made to me about his grandchildren?

[ForTealBee]

Prefacing with the fact the grandchildren aren’t mine.

I’m 25, and still living at home because I’m studying for some professional exams. They’re hell, I’m stressed and working part time, but hoping to be done and passed soon.

My parents look after my nieces and nephews between 2 and 4 times a week. It changes every week and the days always seem to be changing too. I have a non working day every week and then have study leave coming up soon too.

I was chatting to my parents on Sunday and said that, if possible, I’d appreciate it if I could be told when they’re having the kids and to ask my sisters in law if it could be less often while I’m on study leave, because it’s obviously distracting having the children in the house. I said no worries if not, but I’d at least appreciate a heads up so I can go out to study.

My dad turned round and snapped at me and said “why on earth do you think I should prioritise you above my grandchildren? They’re the most important thing in my life after your mum”

This has just really hurt me. I don’t know if it’s stress or what, but I feel like he’s basically said that because he has grandchildren now he doesn’t care for me.

I agree. Also this:
...she asked if the frequency of them having their grandkids over could also be decreased. Whether it was followed with a ‘if not, it’s okay’ doesn’t make it at all okay to ask this in the first place. I’d think it was the knee jerk reaction to this that caused something equally as outrageous

Given that OP has said that she and her father have a very loving and good relationship, and that he really wants her living there, I think many of the posts on this thread are really overblown, and the names that this man has been called are unnecessarily harsh.

Yes, in OP 's place I'd be hurt. But I'd also recognise that we had probably both expressed ourselves poorly and want to have a calm conversation about it.

I don't think what you asked is unreasonable either and what your father said is very hurtful and can't be easily forgotten. I don't think it's about your living at home (and paying rent as many of the nastier posters seem to have ignored)

I think some people go a bit barmy when they have grandchildren - it's like they lose all sense of perspective about the kids. I also think some see it as a chance to have another chance at parenting small children better than they did first time around (and yet without the day to day responsibilities). From my observations (and definitely in my brother’s case) its often even more so with men who were not hands on fathers which I suspect yours wasn't. You also say your sister is the favoured one so that won't help the situation. And your parents could potentially be secretly worried that if they turn down her offers to childmind she might cut them off?

Anyway take care of yourself, get through these exam (good luck!) and decide what you want to do once that is all over. No point raising it with your Dad until (and if) you feel you're ready for that conversation.