Which of my daughters is being unreasonable?

[JMSA]

Daughter 1 - she is 18 and likely going to university later this year. Will live away from home. Has a huge bedroom with a king size bed that will - if she gets her way - remain empty until she returns home.

Daughter 2 - has a very small bedroom but with its own en-suite, which was the plus side to the smaller bedroom. Has a single bed but would love more space. Wants to move into daughter 1’s room when she moves out. I think this is a bit harsh, especially if for any reason uni doesn’t work out and she moves back home.

In my opinion, a good compromise is that Daughter 1’s bedroom remains empty for the first year. But after that she moves into the small bedroom so that her sister, who lives here all year round, can have the big bedroom.

Both girls shared for YEARS until their older sister moved out. So it follows that they’re rather protective of their own space, especially Daughter 2 who loves her bedroom and bed.
Daughter 2 is messy and not the most hygienic, so I don’t think her moving into her sister’s bedroom during term-time (and back again for the holidays) is feasible. The crossover would cause arguments, so it has to be one or the other.

What are your thoughts? Thanks

Sorry, paragraph 4 should read that it’s Daughter 1 who loves her own bedroom and bed.

How old is daughter who has small room?
How long did you keep the eldests room free when she moved out before daughter 1 got it?

How long was your eldest daughter’s room kept empty after she moved out? How was the decision about which of these two got which room made?

I think daughter 1 needs to move to small bedroom. Why should older child always have bigger space, even when she’s not there?

Daughter 2 with the small bedroom is 15, soon to be 16.
My eldest has moved out for good, as she bought her own flat.

Uni holidays (unless doing some healthcare courses) are long.

How old is youngest?

Dd2 gets the big room

If DD1 wants to move back then she gets the smaller one.
She has spread her wings, it's time for her to begin leaving the nest and that does mean younger siblings being prioritised.

What a ridiculous dilemma. Don't need to ponder who's your favourite.

The girls sort of decided between themselves. But I think the younger one now has room envy!

No, you are ridiculous for making unfounded comments like that. It’s completely unfair when I’m trying my best, as a single parent, to handle the situation sensitively.

Thanks for your views, everyone. It seems I’m being unreasonable for wanting to keep Daughter 1’s room free for a bit. She’s an anxious soul though and you just never know with being uni so far away. All I can do is support her decision though.

A big bedroom empty for most of the time, and a daughter living at home squeezed into a small single room?

It shouldn’t even be a dilemma. DD1 should know that she can always come back if uni doesn’t work out etc, but it’s not reasonable to keep the large room empty just in case.

You don't need to be sensitive.
DD1 you're moving out. you'll always be welcome here and the smaller bedroom is yours when you need it.

She can be sad and deal with it. She's 18!

Younger one gets bigger bedroom. Older one gets small room redecorated to her taste? During holidays she'll probably be out more times than she stays in, and having the en-suite to get ready will be a bonus.

Plus if youngest goes to uni at 18 too then it seems unfair she only has the benefit of the big room for 1yr if it's kept for eldest until then.

I'd also take the opportunity to brush up on the hygiene with youngest.

"You only get the big room if you keep it clean"...

Oh, I should add that there is no way Daughter 2 will be going to university. She had hated secondary school and is counting the minutes to going to college (local) and/or getting a job!
So yes, I can see that it’s probably even fairer in that case for her to have the big room.
I just feel a bit bad for D1 and I’m not sure why. Maybe because she makes such an effort to keep the room nice! And maybe because I’m feeling a bit sad at the thought of her moving out.

has hated secondary school

Good idea but these things so seldom work with her in the long term. Suspected ADHD.

If uni goes wrong, it often goes wrong in the first term - maybe keep the rooms as they are for the first term and then the Christmas/New Year break could be time for change and redecoration? By then DD1 will hopefully be established at uni and the change might feel less daunting?

We went through this last year lol. Eldest moved away. She had the large room and ensuite. Both rooms have their own bathroom though. We waited for DD1 to move out. Told DD2 to be patient and we will slowly work towards it. DD2 isn't subtle or gentle lol she waited for 3 months before swapping over. We found it much easier to do after she moved out. Both girls are very attached to things and hate change. But we found once she was out and she made her new place her own, she wasn't so upset over losing her room. LOL we've told them soon as youngest is out, we plan on moving and then they get different rooms so why stress over it.

Of course the daughter living at home gets the best room then the older daughter has left fir university.
No way a best room should be left as a guest room for a university student.

I don’t class going to uni as moving out, so I wouldn’t make your oldest give up her bedroom.

I also wouldn’t make changes the second your daughter leaves for uni. I agree with PPs saying give it a while to see if uni is going well and then it might well be that a change is less daunting all round.
Some 18 year olds can’t wait to spread their wings and for others it’s hugely daunting and moving them out of their room as soon as they leave is a bit harsh.

I second this. Going off to university is a big change for them, everything is unfamiliar & some cope better than others. I think it’s fair that they have their familiar space to come back to whilst they’re getting used to uni, at least until the first term is over. Once they’re more settled, absolutely fair that the younger daughter gets the bigger bedroom and older daughter uses the smaller room when she’s home from uni during holidays.

I think the child living in the house should have the bigger room, and I wouldn't leave it a whole year, just a couple months or so.

When my older sister went to uni I slept in her room while she was away then moved back to my room when she was back in the holidays. Seemed fair!