I called him a f**king tramp. DH overheard and is now furious

[ionlysaidone1]

Aibu?

DHs older son is 14. He doesn't treat the house with any respect when he's here and I understand that can just be teens so I try so hard to bite my tongue.

But one thing I cannot stand is the state of the toilet whenever he's here. He will literally piss all over it, down the back of the toilet, sometimes it's on the floor etc..

I have tried REPEATEDLY to bring this up with DH who minimises completely saying it's not that bad, only takes two seconds to clean up, I'm exaggerating, it's not his son despite it only happening when he's here obviously.

I have taken to shouting DSS in every time I notice it and making him clean the toilet but it's still happening. He's revolting.

Anyway, tonight I came to use the bathroom after SS and lo and behold the seat is a mess again, piss in the back between the cistern and toilet seat. I was so annoyed that I just went WHAT A FUCKING TRAMP! And then shouted SS to get in there and clean it up.

SS didn't hear the tramp comment but DH did and now he's furious.

I've apologised for calling SS a tramp

but said I won't apologise for being angry at this happening AGAIN.

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits! If he doesn't like it he should do more to get through to his son.

I'm so over this situation it's disgusting.

Isn't bugger a homophobic slur?

I honestly do wonder sometimes if it’s just me but the cultural differences in the way children are raised are so vast when I read Mumsnet posts. I’m from the Middle East and all I can say is that absolutely nobody would be trying to reason with this boy in my culture. He’d have one opportunity to sort himself out and then that would be it.

Not where I’m from. It doesn’t mean he’s literally shagged the bathroom rectally.

How would bugger off sit with you?

My exDH is an absolute idiot but even he was firm with our son around leaving the toilet in the state it was found. If there was even one drop, he was taught to clean up straight away. OP, you have a DH problem I’m afraid.

I think you did right tbh. You've nothing to be sorry for.

I actually spat out my wine reading this !!

😁😂😂😂

That is mad disrespectful. This is what people do to people they hate.

If your husband allows his son to disrespect your home so badly, he ain't shit. The first time his son pissed all over, he should have handed him the cleaner and made him clean it up.

I would not stick around for that nonsense.

Glad to be of service

I HATE THIS.
My bff has a notice in her bathroom which - well I go into it in detail but basically if a boy/man is going to use it he MUST adhere to certain rules. And she's been known to make a public spectacle of a boy who DOESN'T keep to her rules!
They won't do it a 2nd time!

Your username is excellent.

Good on her!

I would be tempted to break into song every time I heard the SS go into the loo:

"If you sprinkle
when you tinkle
be a sweetie
wipe the seatie"

I'm trying to think of a good tune to sing it to :

I'm thinking of Beethoven's Ode To Joy or maybe The Rolling Stone's I Can't Get No Satisfaction.

what do you think?

Thank you.

Yours is good too

Went through a brief phase of this with my two boys. Once I figured out the culprit, I made him clean it every time and lo and behold, it soon stopped. Didn’t call him a tramp, just not in my vocabulary. Scruff, pain in the arse, probably a few others. Don’t think it mentally scarred him. You were right calling ss to sort it, but since dh is happy to mop up another (nearly adults) pee, call him from now on instead.

This is not teenage boys. My teenager doesn't do this. (He wouldn't dare.). OP: you were right to be enraged. Make sure there are consequences for teen. And do not clean up after him. Every time, get the wee sod up there to clean up after himself. And get him to the GP to rule out any physical problem.

It's also a name for someone who behaves, lives etc in a minging manner. I'm well aware of the origin of the tramping class and how it became a slur. Sayings have regional meanings.
Additional needs aside, it's no surprise that these are mainly step sons, it's a power play. They won't be doing it in friend's houses and even primary schools clamp down on such behaviour. I've known builders who wouldn't stand for it. Very few men want to be covered in the piss of another man. It isn't allowed in work places.
@ServantoftheBones tramp is no more a swear word than bugger. Bugger came from the gay slur.

this would be something I'd think in my head and not say out loud 😂

when my DSS lived with us we would have this problem, I know how awful and grim it is but its down to DH to police and sort. luckily after DH shamed him a bit for it, it stopped and we had nice clean toilets again. boys are just lazy 😖

I dont have a child of my own yet but it would upset me if my partner who wasn't my bio child's parent called them a fucking tramp. it's just unkind.

He is a fucking tramp. I'd do exactly the same OP.

Not quite the same situation but my 13 year old DD seems to have some sort of mental block regarding flushing the toilet. Every time I go in her bathroom there's a turd looking up at me. It stains the bowl and makes the whole house stink, not to mention what visitors must think. I am sick to death of telling her how disgusting it is. In every other way she is clean and presentable but I dont think she's ever flushed the toilet in this house.

I don’t understand.

Why do you tolerate this?

Buy him a Texas catheter.

I'd have called him worse. He is dirty and disgusting. Unless the stepson is unusually stupid, and he might be because his father doesn't sound like he'd qualify for MENSA, he can learn to either aim, sit down or clean. The fact that he does none of those things is very disrespectful and deliberate. He is saying I choose to leave other people ie his stepmother to clean up his mess. Saying that, I live in a male household with sons and a husband. My sons are grown up now but they didn't do this sort of thing even when they were little. My husband certainly doesn't. I am fairly sure my husband's parents who had three sons wouldn't have put up with this for a moment.

Only takes two seconds to clean up?

Then the father of this disgusting specimen can clean it up every time.

Your P thinks you were put on this earth to clean piss off the loo and the floor, OP.

He's actively teaching his son to be contemptuous of women.

People on here are such weak petals, that using the name 'daft' is offensive. Tramp is pretty average, quite mild imo and I would have called him far worse than that, let me tell you! He got off easy with only tramp. That's nothing. I don't understand your husband being upset at that word in particular, what a pitiful snowflake.

Here's what I'd do. Since he said it takes '2 seconds' to mop up pee and clean and disinfect it, make your husband do it. Make him take responsibility. I'd tell him "your son peed all over the bathroom, I want you to clean it up right now." I'd also say "I think he should be taken to a Urologist as he must have a physical deformity if he cannot urinate properly at his age. He is 14! Even 9 year olds are able to pee properly. Make a medical appointment and get him checked out."

If your husband is made to clean it up every single time (get the husband to do it, not the son as clearly his son doesn't care about being made to clean it up) he will soon get very, very tired of it and address it with the son.

Yes I haven’t experienced this. If my husband does miss he must clean up after himself as I have never noticed it. Even the lads I shared a house with at Uni didn’t do this.