I called him a f**king tramp. DH overheard and is now furious

[ionlysaidone1]

Aibu?

DHs older son is 14. He doesn't treat the house with any respect when he's here and I understand that can just be teens so I try so hard to bite my tongue.

But one thing I cannot stand is the state of the toilet whenever he's here. He will literally piss all over it, down the back of the toilet, sometimes it's on the floor etc..

I have tried REPEATEDLY to bring this up with DH who minimises completely saying it's not that bad, only takes two seconds to clean up, I'm exaggerating, it's not his son despite it only happening when he's here obviously.

I have taken to shouting DSS in every time I notice it and making him clean the toilet but it's still happening. He's revolting.

Anyway, tonight I came to use the bathroom after SS and lo and behold the seat is a mess again, piss in the back between the cistern and toilet seat. I was so annoyed that I just went WHAT A FUCKING TRAMP! And then shouted SS to get in there and clean it up.

SS didn't hear the tramp comment but DH did and now he's furious.

I've apologised for calling SS a tramp

but said I won't apologise for being angry at this happening AGAIN.

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits! If he doesn't like it he should do more to get through to his son.

I'm so over this situation it's disgusting.

Tramp isn't a bad word. But shouting and swearing not ideal. But it's easy for me to sit on my high horse and judge, I have never been a stepmum. Let's cut the OP a little slack.

My son does this. Pisses me off and his sisters all go mental too. He will flat out deny it when we all know it is him!! I would call him a tramp too! I make him clean it himself. Why the hell should any of us do it. It's sheer laziness as he is in too much of a rush to get back to doing fuck all. Make his dad do it every time he will soon get pissed off and realise how bloody disgusting and frustrating it is.

I think shouting is horrible behavior.

Nothing wrong with asking a teenager to do something. They aren't born with an inbuilt training.

If they continually ignore - not sure what else you can do other than showing what to do, having whatever products are needed, watch him do it, putting a sign up and keep reminding.

You need to do it calmly though as otherwise you getting angry becomes the prompt that he relies on.

I'd be half tempted to get a star chart- every time it's done there's a star - that would be so unpopular he might just adult up.

We know nothing about the stepson’s intention though do we. OP hasn’t returned to give more info. Stepson might have a problem. Posters on here are jumping to conclusions that he’s doing it on purpose but we don’t know that he is, much less the reasoning behind it.
Even if the most likely answer if that he’s lazy and careless, that is not an exclusively male trait.

My son has ADHD he does this all the time. It pisses me off he has been told over and over he kows it's wrong and disgusting he just doesn't give a shit and is rushing around. His ADHD is not an excuse to piss everywhere. I make him come back and clean it up everytime. He will then go a week without doing it until the we repeat.

Stop being ridiculous. The OP literally says he had pissed between the cistern and the pipes. That is not carelessness. Go and have a look at your toilet. In order to piss in that location you would need to be specifically aiming for that spot. He is disgusting and should be called out on his chauvinistic, misogynistic behaviour.

But he is behaving like a tramp!

And doing it deliberately is even worse.

I don’t understand why some posters find the term so outrageous when it’s a perfect description of what is happening.

He didn’t even hear it anyway.

OP was speaking "about" his child, not "to" his child

You think she hasn't done that? Repeatedly?

Spit my Coke out when I read that! 😂😂😂

Just for anyone who is confused "tramp" is highly fucking offensive and outdated, it's either a slur against people who've found themselves homeless or women who have had sexual partners. So yes it absolutely is a horrible and nasty term that has no place in society. I'm genuinely shocked that so many people on here seem to think it's fine to say.

9 pages in and still only one post from the op …

This. Stop enabling it

Hmmm

What does the son say when you make him clean it, have you asked him why does it because if it’s every time it’s definitely not accidental.

GenX oldster here baffled at the offence taken by the word 'tramp'. To me, it just means homeless person or slutty girl. What is so insulting to say it about a revolting teen boy?

I thought tramps meant prostitutes or those who chose to live outside not in a house (vagabonds). I had no idea it was a term of disrespect. Just goes to show one learns something new every day.

So DH is more bothered by you losing your rag at utter filth than he is bothered that someone who’s presumably been toilet trained for a decade is pissing everywhere and leaving it for you to deal with. Just clean my boy’s piss, woman!

One of the two fellas in our house used to do it, DH didn’t clean it, son didn’t clean it. Both said they didn’t notice. Which was strange because they both lifted the seat several times daily - and the only reason I lift the seat is to clean. Like a lot of posters I was raised in a house with men and it NEVER happened.

It started to stink, and I had to do the whole shaving foam on the tiles routine more than once. So what I eventually said to those who peed standing up - and apparently blindfolded - was that the next time I’d say nothing, just use their toothbrushes to scrub the floor, and put them back.

Funnily enough it stopped!

I’m usually team stepmother - but OP he is 14, being gross and inconsiderate of others is part of healthy teenage development. I agree with PP’s that this is DH’s issue. When it happens point it out to DH and ask him to clear it up. I’d also explain clearly how angry and resentful this makes you.

However, your husband is fully justified to side with his son over the name calling. Your SS is a child, and does not need to be insulted by his caregivers. Recognise your resentment is with your DH who isn’t dealing with this and not with the child who is just doing what teenage boys do. It really isn’t a unique or personally targeted thing. He is teenage boy.

My teenaged son never pissed all over a toilet and expected someone else to clean up.

Exactly, no child was ever harmed from being made to clean up after themselves!

He's only doing what teenage boys do when they are allowed to get away with it.

Plenty of teenage boys clean up after themselves and don't make that much mess in the first place.

And if this is the case he could just clean it before he leaves the bathroom as he's been asked to do, repeatedly.

His behaviour is so disrespectful.

You could have said “you dirty bugger!” And called him in to clean it. I wouldn’t think swearing like that would help.