Boyfriend’s living together ‘conditions’

[GlorificusT]

I recently said I’m ready to live together and what did he think. He said he’s ready to take the step in theory but it depends on some things.

He said there’s some things he’s ‘seen’ about how I live that would need to be addressed. I asked for an example, he said the way a light switch broke three months ago and I haven’t fixed it. The light still works but the fitting doesn’t - I need a joiner, but I’ve been paying for a lot of more critical things like a washing machine.

He said the way I leave the dishes to dry overnight rather than drying them there and then. Then he said there’s ‘a few other things I’ve noticed’ but didn’t expand!

Tbh I feel annoyed. I love him and proposed this in the spirit of wanting to live with him but he seems to have been keeping a list of cons in his head.

His criticism makes me feel like I’m auditioning to live with him, AIBU?

Dump him

@PyongyangKipperbang same is true of Paradise city

If it bothers him so much he can fix the light switch and dry the dishes.

Maybe a little preview to what life with him would be like?

Hmm...not for me, not a fan of G&R but I would say the Kiss version of God Gave Rock and Roll does that to me!

Sometimes it’s the small things that reveal the biggest problems.

If he’s ND, these are going to be things he’s going to really struggle with to “fix”. Having lived with someone ND (and being so myself), it drove me mad. I’m sure I drove my ex mad too with my “odd” ways.

In all relationships you’ll have something your partner does that annoys you but if you care about each other you deal with it or ignore it. I can get why he’s annoyed a light fixture wasn’t done (and I can see why you haven’t yet done it) but the dishes thing… I think he’s being a tad picky there!

Possibly she didn't get a chance to do anything because he got there first or had to do it again to 'his' standard! Perhaps he is a control freak with u realistically high standards. Or perhaps he expects a woman to do the house stuff to the same level his mum did.

Either way you're well out of that one. Leaving dishes to drip dry is the most energy efficient thing to do. Why waste time and manky tea towels drying them up?

Contracts and deposits for what?

It’s also a great one to get you up and off the sofa if you need a boost!!

Suspect OP’s boyfriend might not approve … another point to consider before moving in with someone. Full blast music tastes !

I presume he’s stayed with you overnight many times. Why hasn’t he dried the dishes?

Don't. He's putting pre-conditions on how you live already?

Consider this fair warning about what it would be like living with him.

So now you know what kind of person he is. That would be it, for me.

Living together involves some give and take. If he’d said with a laugh that you’ll not have to mind him drying the dishes every night as he likes them done, that would be one thing. But he’s basically said that you’re not up to his standards.

Not the point but what's the issue with things drip drying?

I’m a bit on the fence. My DH was similar in that he tends to get things fixed straight away and likes to leave the kitchen clean and tidies away at night. I’m a right messy pup naturally and frankly he was fairly horrified at my house. We’ve both learnt to compromise over the 20 years we’ve been together, helped by being able to afford cleaners. If you don’t want to compromise (both of you) then it isn’t going to work. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to talk about these things. Also talk about finances, expectations on going out/staying in, family etc.

bonus point, I’ve found my DH is right, it’s nice to come down in the morning to everything put away in the kitchen. I still drive him mad at times with my natural messiness.

and yes it might be a controlling red flag on his side…