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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL furious about Mother’s Day, were we wrong?

457 replies

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 14:36

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

OP posts:
ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 01/04/2025 20:43

ThinWomansBrain · 01/04/2025 20:31

Can't believe DB not splitting the bill - or at least not contributing the deposit, given taht they're joint parents and your original plan had been to cook - I hope you had enough notice to not have purchased the food to cook.

All this has been covered by OP.

BlondiePortz · 01/04/2025 20:46

I think what is the biggest worry in this is why you need to ask who is being unreasonable? Can you honestly not work this out?

feelingrobbed · 01/04/2025 20:48

SIL is off her trolley!

croydon15 · 01/04/2025 20:54

WongKarCry · 31/03/2025 14:40

She's being unreasonable. She chose what she wanted to do on the day, her family didn't lose out financially in any way, so what exactly does she have to be angry about?

This totally unreasonable, your SIL did what she wanted, so what's her problem?

ThinWomansBrain · 01/04/2025 21:08

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 01/04/2025 20:43

All this has been covered by OP.

As I mentioned in the pose immediately after my original comment.
Your point is?

croydon15 · 01/04/2025 21:14

You need to keep in touch with your DB in case he will need help in future should he decide to break away this awful woman.

GinandRunning · 01/04/2025 21:45

I am very late to this thread, but wow! As the majority have said, your SIL is completely out of order. She clearly had a shit time at her DM’s but that’s not yours , your DP or your DB’s issue. She made her choice. Out of interest how old are her DC? Poor kids, being exposed this kind of behaviour!

Pessismistic · 01/04/2025 21:48

Was it because you paid for them all and she’s annoyed at missing out on a free meal because there can’t be any that is even slightly to complain about. I hope you all get an apology and if it happens again let db lose his deposit she obviously wasn’t arsed about binning him off for the day or losing the 200 quid she should have declined her dm last minute invite and say hey sorry we made our plans as a family.

TwinklyNight · 01/04/2025 22:41

It sounds like your sil is having some sort of mental breakdown. Make her say exactly what it is that was done to her and the children?

Clarabellemt · 02/04/2025 06:57

peachescariad · 31/03/2025 14:42

£200 deposit for 4 people???

I expect it is a premium because of Mother's Day. £50 is not that much. It pays towards the food. No shows are so expensive to restaurants.

Needlenardlenoo · 02/04/2025 07:48

Your SIL is a dog in the manger!

Daftypants · 02/04/2025 09:10

She’s bonkers , ignore her

Els1e · 02/04/2025 09:31

You, your parents or brother have not done anything wrong. Your sil may have had a bad day but there was no reason to be aggressive and rude. I think you're doing the right thing by creating some distance. I had an aunt who could go off on one about some random, imagined slight that none of the rest of us knew about. We found out later she had an alcohol problem.

TessTimoney · 02/04/2025 10:12

Serious case of FOMO. Just very selfish 😯

Mackerelfillets · 02/04/2025 13:01

She's pissed because she had a shit time, you had a lovely time doing what she would have done if her mum hadn't made her go there. It's as simple as that. She's controlling and I feel sorry for your brother. She needs telling never mind her saying 'if you dont know what you've done I can't help you' cheeky cow.

Firethehorse · 02/04/2025 14:04

WendyA22 · 01/04/2025 17:12

Just sounds like the day with her mother and the kids was hard work and not as relaxing as her usual Mothers day. Whereas you selfish, child-free lot, had a lovely afternoon with lovely company lol.

If her mum has the same temperament as her, she was probably just fed up and a bit jealous.

Just be thankful you won't have to see her for a while and you had a nice day with your parents and brother. Don't let it ruin your relationship with her.

But the OP and her parents didn’t have a nice day in the end did they! It ended in shouting and tears, twice.
I’m actually in agreement with you that in the end it’s better for all if the family can eventually get past it, assuming DB wants to stay married. However, I strongly disagree time is the only thing needed. Sil probably needs some sort of help, and the poor children potentially thinking this is an acceptable way to behave need better guidance. I hope your DB is OK too. I really feel for your poor parents who had the day ruined and are now probably fearful of sil stopping access to the grandchildren.

Wimin123 · 02/04/2025 15:22

I have one weird controlling sister in law. I feel really sorry for my brother- she was awful to my late parents especially my mum. Her children love us and we all include them and my brother at family events. It has been going on for decades - we invite her but she never comes - she hasn’t even met the babies in the family - they are all nearly 5-6 years old now. I regard it as her loss - but feel sorry for my brother.

LizziesCat · 02/04/2025 16:43

Els1e · 02/04/2025 09:31

You, your parents or brother have not done anything wrong. Your sil may have had a bad day but there was no reason to be aggressive and rude. I think you're doing the right thing by creating some distance. I had an aunt who could go off on one about some random, imagined slight that none of the rest of us knew about. We found out later she had an alcohol problem.

My brother started ringing me up with rants that reduce me to tears, I’d be left bewildered about what was so wrong about what I’d done. I later found he had an alcohol problem.

Mydadsbirthday · 02/04/2025 17:42

She's batshit.

I would disengage and not give this any time at all. Support your parents and also look out for your DB and make sure he's ok in the future if you're close.

Also it was nasty of her mother not to invite her children's partners over too. Who does that? She's obviously a piece of work just like her daughter...

Therealjudgejudy · 03/04/2025 04:06

She is a nasty piece of work op.

Id block her and never do her a favour ever again...

Empress13 · 03/04/2025 04:18

I reckon SIL was annoyed you all went out for nice meal at restaurant whilst she was stuck at home with a miserable mother having fallen out with her partner. You’ve done nothing wrong

Copperoliverbear · 03/04/2025 04:36

Your SIL is an idiot and her husband should tell her so and if she were my SIL I would be happy never to talk her again, control freak who is frightened of missing out.

WiddlinDiddlin · 03/04/2025 04:39

She really does sound like she has lost the plot completely, and it does make me suspect her behaviour at home behind closed doors is often unhinged, controlling, etc, and she's SO used to behaving that way its slipped out into the real world without her realising.

I hope your DB is ok and that he will not suffer when she finds out her accounts are not done nor will be.

HomeTheatreSystem · 03/04/2025 04:49

She's all kinds of fucked up and none of you should waste any more time trying to work out why. Like you say she's got shit going on in the relationship with her own mother and is probably deflecting on to the rest of you. I'd send her a written communication letting her know she's come across as unhinged and you do not appreciate being berated so vociferously for sweet FA. She's not to contact any of you again unless it leads with a full apology for her outbursts. Glad you can tell her to get to fuck with her accounts. Your poor DB though 😕

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 03/04/2025 05:11

Ok, who are the 1% saying you are being unreasonable? Did you have a fat finger moment?