First Mother’s Day - DH didn’t put anything on socials

[Genie98]

AIBU to be a bit gutted that my DH didn’t put a post up on socials yesterday to mark my first Mother’s Day? My feeds were full of other posts celebrating their Mum’s and I was hoping DH would have done something to mark the occasion. He has done the odd birthday post in the past and posted about our engagement/wedding etc so it’s not that he has never used it.

Just feeling a bit deflated and a bit jealous of my mum friends who had lovely messages and photo’s from their OH’s.

So you had a good day, he was attentative, but you're gutted because he didn't do a performative thing on social media?

Honestly, catch yourself on.

Because they're all competing with each other.

What is the obsession with ‘Person X didn’t post about me on social media’ and now I’m so sad. It’s completely pathetic behaviour and just a need to show off to people how wonderful their life is. The OP really needs to grow up here and stop acting like a 6 year old child.

Don’t be ridiculous. A relationship is not about bending the knee and caving in to any whim your partner has. Especially one as blatantly silly as this. I’m not even sure if this is legitimate it’s so stupid.

He had already made an effort. Where do you draw the line?

I would hate it if dh put anything on FB . Absolutely hate it.
Same for birthdays and things.

If it matters to you THAT much, post your own, thanking your DH and your baby for a lovely Mother's day. Then you can get to say what you were treated to, on the day, on Social Media? But you shouldn't want validation on Social Media. Very sad that you are feeling so down.

I think there are many more than just two. I also think that many of us are in the wrong age group to see the OP's point. I'm in my fifties, this is a nonsense thing to me but if the OP is young enough that her cohort all gauge their value by social media approbation then this would really jar. It's sadly become the norm.

It's daft but, it's not our daft.

Yes. Young people value SM validation. A young woman I know broke up with her BF because he wouldn't share pix of her on SM and must therefore be ashamed of her.
I told her my DH has never once shared pix of me and we have been married 30 years.

I wish I grew up when it wasn’t a thing! But it’s massive for people my age and rightly or wrongly, people use it to mark occasions etc.

Ludicrous

No wonder the divorce rates are so high with this sort of 'advice'.

Oh yes OP your husband just doesnt think you're important enough and that is evident by him not putting a message on 'socials' (my god even that word makes me cringe)

The world is slowly going mad. FFS 🤦🏻‍♀️

DH didn't get me anything for Mother's Day although probably the phone call I got from DD was down to his reminder.

Last week he did however spend an hour helping me search the house for my missing car keys, another few hours listening patiently as I went on and on about how losing them proved I was senile, listened to my complaints about waiting two days for a delivery "due today" that didn't show up until the third day, told me a new recipe I made a total mess of was "very nice" even though it was inedible.....

These things matter more than flowers.

Can I ask how old you are?

So do you judge when a friend's partner/husband doesn't post about them on occasions?

I think you’ve just topped all the other ridiculous Mother’s Day posts from yesterday.

Honestly, grow up and have a word with yourself.

DH posted a thank you after our wedding on behalf of both of us and that's the most he's ever put on socials in the 18 years we've been together.

Some people don't gush on social media. As long as you felt loved, what does it matter what anyone else sees about your day? If you want something on there's why didn't you post about your wonderful day facilitated by your lovely husband?

If it makes you feel any better, I have friends who post properly soppy, gushing, overly sweet and positive posts on SM. Their Hs sometimes do too. But when we talk, you know, in real life, they do not have good relationships and they don't feel their H pulls their weight. My DH occasionally shares a meme on socials but we have a great relationship and he's a great partner. I know which I'd choose.

I am SO sick of (supposedly) adult women whining about not being performatively posted about on 'socials'. Especially when they happily admit that they've had lovely treats and celebrations in real life, from real people who care about them.

Seriously, grow the fuck up and sort your priorities out. It's beyond pathetic.

Ha! My friends must think DH hates me then cos he's virtually invisible on SM!

And the fact he hasn’t done it proves what to your friends and family?

i am struggling honestly to understand the loss you are feeling. Do you think your friends will laugh at you?

I am curious as your age. I’m in my 40s and I’m at the age where we cringe when we read these posts. My teenage children cringe at these sort of posts so was there a period in the middle where they are important?

You don't have to be a sheep and follow them all, you know?

Social media posts mean nothing and are more virtue signalling than anything. I put the odd family photo up or nice holiday photos but don’t normally put anything else up. Some do and I don’t have an issue with it but surely if your OH acknowledged the day and you in other ways it doesn’t matter. A lot of men (and women) would find it cringey. Don’t live your life on FB or IG. It is way too competitive and people only put the nice stuff up so it means nothing.

I think this has got to be a wind-up. The OP is surely taking this piss out of the social media birthday twerp.

And this is a perfect example of an occasion where SM has become too important to the point where it is clouding your judgement.

Validation from SM is really unhealthy OP. I know you know this and it's hard when your friends are all posting, but seriously, give yourself a talking to - you are an adult with a child now. Do you want your lovely DC to grow up getting their validation from what's posted on 'socials' or from how they are treated by their friends and loved ones? Set the example now! Re-frame how important SM is to you and you life - great for posting when you feel like it, but not a truthful or even important record of yours (or anyones) reality.

Think about it. What would it 'prove' if your DH had posted?
That he thinks your a good mum?
That he loves you?
That he cherishes you?

Nope.

All it would prove is that you are both keen to show everyone else how perfect you are. It's all nonsense - honestly x

How old are you OP? Sorry if you’ve said a million times already. I’m just mid thirties and more likely to tell DH to get a grip for actually putting something like this on SM and explaining why it might be a bit tone deaf/showy/not really us. I really think I would have felt this way from about…. 27?

Yeah mine too. We have never posted gushing paragraphs about each other. I'd think he'd lost his mind if he did. We just tell each other face to face how we feel about each other/appreciate etc.

I have people on my socials who put gushy posts about every single person in their lives, you know the ones..."Well where do I start with this one? The most amazing, kind, funny, beautiful blah blah blah..." It could be their children or a neighbour. It's all meaningless bullshit.