First Mother’s Day - DH didn’t put anything on socials

[Genie98]

AIBU to be a bit gutted that my DH didn’t put a post up on socials yesterday to mark my first Mother’s Day? My feeds were full of other posts celebrating their Mum’s and I was hoping DH would have done something to mark the occasion. He has done the odd birthday post in the past and posted about our engagement/wedding etc so it’s not that he has never used it.

Just feeling a bit deflated and a bit jealous of my mum friends who had lovely messages and photo’s from their OH’s.

Social media is not real life. Everyone I know who posts a Mother’s Day post for their mum, has a complicated relationship with them. Everyone who has a post done for them by their partner, has a really shit and uninvolved partner.

A partner that appreciated you and what you do for your child, is going to show appreciation throughout the year. Mother’s Day should then just be acknowledging it a bit more formally (with a card, present or nice meal).

Are you very early days of motherhood and not sure you’re doing it right? It can be important to be told you’re a good mum, especially in those early days but honestly social media isn’t real. It’s a curated version to showcase the best. Nobody is going to post that you’re a shit mum on Mother’s Day so it’s not even real validation. If you’re at a stage when you need to hear you’re doing well, the best place for this is from mums with older kids or adult kids. It feels a bit more real then whereas your husband obviously thinks you’re a good mum but he also thinks you’re the most beautiful woman in the world etc. because he’s biased.

It sounds like you had a really lovely day planned by a thoughtful husband. To be ‘gutted’ by no fuss on social media is a really really strange reaction and I genuinely think you could do with seeing a therapist.

Your husband has integrity.

Moaning about socials demonstrates you do not.

I’m a mum and I’m fed up of the whole Mother’s Day business. When did it come such a huge deal?????

I agree. I’m not normally one for advising therapy over every little thing but this is so absurd and frankly, to my mind, a bit outdated (I thought needing SM validation was ebbing a bit). But no, here is a grown ass mother all hurty feelings because her dh didn’t acknowledge and confirm her existence on SM.

So true that the more gushing and performative the posts are the more troubled the relationship is. In my "day" there was no social media (thank god as we could just live our lives and make our mistakes without leaving a permanent record) and the people who were the most publically loved up were the ones who frequently split up.

Wonder if her friend reached out to see if she was okay after she didn’t get a public post from her DP 🙄😆

I worked with a chap whose wife was always posting "date night", "making memories" posts on social media. I witnessed first hand the vitriol between them which felt like hatred most of the time. Social media is meaningless and when I see gushing posts, I often wonder what's going on behind the scenes to make people seek this public validation.

FFS, people don't live their lives on social media! My husband (of 35 years) doesn't even follow me on social media, and vice versa.

OP, "socials" are not real life - if anything, I would consider it tacky and downmarket for someone to parade our/mypersonal life on social media.
If your partner is kind to you in real life, you're sorted and he's a good guy.

How sad (pathetic) is it that events don't count unless they're all over fb.

Just recently someone posted the same about their birthday. Their partner had got them, card, presents, dinner etc but ended up being ignored because it wasn't all over bloody Facebook

Here's someone else who's done all the right things, marked Mothers Day but because it wasn't big public SM sow it's ruined.

Honestly people need to get a grip. Live in the moment, live for the occasion, live with your family not the likes

I would die if dh posted something on Mother’s Day on social media. 😂 I don’t know anyone who does this. They only people I used to know who would do this and for birthdays are now divorced (he apparently tried to get with another mum friend of ours from NCT group who very sharply rebuffed him and then told his wife). If you have to publicly try that hard, your relationship is probably not on fully solid ground. Also it’s cringey as heck.

Live in the real world not social media.

Is your DH called Keir Starmer

I feel we should be told

And this is exactly what's wrong with society today. It's not about what really matters. It's all about the likes and oh how lovely hon/babe.
It's all such a false make believe world you live in.

Why does it matter to you whether it's posted on social media? Surely all your friends know you are a mother, so why do they need to see a post that confirms that (but bizarrely would be written by your partner, not a child).
I agree with people who suggest you should have a break from social media.

So long as he loves you to the moon and back everything is OK 🙄

And I got

On my first Mothering Sunday because it never occurred to DH.

Sorry, but you need to get over yourself and spend less time living your life online.

Oh OP, please don't compare yourself to others on social media. I had a woman on my social media who once posted her mother's day gift online (a brand new SUV) and who was very show-offy when it came to the gifts her OH used to give. If I mentioned this to any male friends/colleagues, the general consensus was he was probably cheating and compensating. They're not together now, make of that what you will! Social media isn't real life, so please don't compare your reality to someone else's fake. There's a reason they say show the best, hide the rest.

Edited my response because I felt a little mean. But putting a time limit on your social media use would benefit you greatly I think - it's all a load of tosh!

Dear God, when are these whinging, self absorbed, immature posts about mothers day going to end.

If ever there was a post to be used about how society has fallen, let it be this one…

Love you to the moon and back OP 💏

See, totally meaningless.

When I see those gushing posts on Facebook, I wonder how long it will be until they put a post up saying they’re single.

Why would you care?? Its not for everyone else, its for you and your family.
Try and think about why you actually would want it to be on socials, is it becuase you want other people to see what a lovely family you are and how much tour husband and kids love you?? If so, why do you want or care for other people on socials to see that?? Look deep into your reasons and ask yourself, why does this even matter??
I actually think it is extremely cringey, like matching PJ christmas photos and people that post 'my world' with a picture of their cheating wanker husband.

LTB. How dare he not show affection publicly! I mean, isn't that the whole point of doing stuff? To make other people feel well jell?