Accused of shoplifting after mistake. Should I complain?

[MARG07]

Tonight I went to Lidl which I go occasionally to (I'm not a regular shopper there and prefer Tesco, but I was shopping near it and popped into get a few items) I was pushing my 2 year old son in a push chair. He was asleep, and I had the hood pulled all the way down on the stroller. I got yogurts and put them on the hood (I was only getting a few things and couldn't get a trolley or basket as I was pushing my son) then i got milk and realising it would fall off the hood as there was already stuff on it (as it wasn't folded up but pulled all the way down) because he was asleep, in a split second I put it in a carrier bag I had at the side of the pushchair on a clip. Stupid I know but I wasn't thinking.

I then got two birthday cards and some chocolate and placed them on the hood as they were small and would not fall off, and proceeded to the check out. I didn't sleep well and was exhausted also. I was in a queue and by the time my turn came I paid for everything and began to walk out, as I was putting the stuff in the bag I suddenly saw the milk and remembered it, but before I could do anything, an aggressive security man began to shout at me and proceeded to accuse me of stealing. He pulled out all the items i had, including stuff I'd purchased minutes before in another shop and kept shouting to give it all back. (One or two items they sold too) I had a receipt for the stuff from another shop, and kept telling him to look at it. He just kept ranting and rifling through all my stuff though really really aggressively. Everyone was staring and another customer came over with my receipt which i had not taken, and handed it to him, he looked at it and then started going on about the milk not being on it and I was lost for words. I felt so embarrassed at everyone looking and couldn't properly defend myself.

I said it was a mistake that i only put the milk in the carrier bag as it would have fallen off the stroller, and that I couldn't carry a basket and push my sleeping son at the same time. But he was so aggressive and didn't listen at all.. He then just grabbed the milk and walked off. I still wanted the milk (it was actually what I'd gone in for) and was about to pay but he just left. I was almost in tears and just walked out.

It was a genuine error and I feel it should have been handled better. I told my husband when I came home and said I want to go back and officially complain, but he said as I didn't pay its my fault and better to just drop it. AIBU to ask for a manager tomorrow & make a complaint? Or should I just leave it? I can't stop thinking that maybe someone I knew saw me there and thinks I'm a shop lifter. I feel sick..

My husband however said to just forget it and go back there to shop again if I want to, as I've nothing to hide, but not to complain over it. He thinks it's best to just act like it didn't happen.

Any advice?

That's not the case at all.
The offence occurs if someone has passed all points of payment & not made an attempt to pay.

Supermarkets are now designed with that in mind so you have opportunity to stop a shoplifter after the point of payment but still on the premises.

I think you should give feedback to the shop. He had no right or reason to behave aggressively or go through your bags without your permission. Its obviously not ideal what you did but any mother or a woman would understand this way better than him.

I would say security is a profession, they need accreditation through a professional body, training etc - in what ways is it not a profession?

This. And to all the posters who imply that the OP was 'trying out' the pram method, do you really think she would be posting about it here in that case?

This is the sort of mistake you make when you're sleep deprived with a toddler. The PP who argued that it only becomes shoplifting when you leave the shop sounds well-informed and I'd take her advice.

So OP definitely go back there if it's convenient and hold your head high. But if you want to complain, you will have to be very careful to explain what the issue is. This thread shows how easy it is to misinterpret the events in your disfavour. It may be more trouble than it's worth to complain.

Galling, though, as the guard was definitely out of order. Yes they must be fed up with the amount of shoplifting going on, but that doesn't give them the right to lob blanket accusations and try to ignore proof of payment.

This is the sort of mistake you make when you're sleep deprived with a toddler.

🙄

So you stole some good and now want to complain? lol

But she didn't have proof of payment. She didn't pay.

Why does everyone always trot out the line that shoplifters cost consumers money because the costs get passed onto us. Heavens forfend that supermarkets should have to absorb loss due to crime themselves, as every other business has to.
I know this is not the point of the thread.

Complain and ask for the CCTV to be viewed.
Awful behaviour and completely unnecessary.

Others businesses don’t absorb loss either. It gets passed on to the buyer.

There’s a YouTube video doing the rounds of a couple of women in a store in the US. They’d found a discarded receipt and used a trolly to get all the exact same items. If challenged they could just produce the receipt.

Moral of the day…ALWAYS keep your receipts.

Thanks for the tip!
I'm off to Tesco.

😂 just don’t post the video on any social media!

Something similar happened to me years ago, carrying a basket and pushing a pushchair, my son was newborn and my 2 year old daughter next to me. Buying baby formula some food, I hung the big pack of nappies on my handle and totally forgot about them, the security guard asked me at the door if I forgot to pay for them which I had! He looked after my shopping whilst I went back to pay for them, he was discreet about it, whether he believed I forgot or not he handled it with professionalism and kindness but I really did feel so embarrassed!

Not sure how that would work because the receipt would have the time on.

I think it’s because although the shop will absorb the costs (factor it in to the operating model as another cost of operation), when it sets prices and wages for staff it has to take into account the operating costs. The money has to come from somewhere, and in the longer term it is spread between lower dividends for shareholders, lower wages and higher prices.

Sleep deprived or not it's no excuse, people drive cars and they are sleep deprived it would totally be their fault if they had a crash or kill someone, being sleep deprived is not an excuse to get away with everything and this is coming from a very sleep deprived mother.

Not really. White collar crimes account for billions in loss due to fraud. Companies that are found to have failed to prevent it receive fines, which are sometimes capable of being passed on to the execs but more usually impact share holders. In terms of smaller scale organisational crimes, eg stealing office supplies, in the public sector there would be no way to hand this on to a client.

Yes the pram method is a known means for people to shop lift, but if OP we’re doing this with intent, she would surely have been smuggling out high-ticket hidden items.

The issue is clearly not the unintentional theft, which OP has owned, but the security guards behaviour, which was extreme, disproportionate, and escalated before you had an opportunity to realise your mistake, let alone rectify it. He could have quietly approached or taken you aside, but instead he went in all guns blazing over a bottle of milk

Ultimately it feels like an abuse of power, and sadly we need to worry about men who behave like that these days. That’s why I think it is worth mentioning to the store.

YABU to complain when he was correct, you must have attracted suspicion for him to tail you. The man was simply doing his job, he identified a shoplifter, challenged you, checked the items on you against your receipt and retrieved the stolen products, think yourself lucky the police weren’t called.

I think your feelings of unjust are driven by the fact you feel embarrassed but to expect security to take shoplifters to a private area and have a quiet word so not to distress them is ridiculous.

I wouldn’t bother complaining but me and so many others have all been there when we’ve used the buggy to hold something and forgotten to pay for it, I’ve regularly run back to a shop after my toddler has grabbed something.

I don’t want to be that mumsnetter but if you hook a basket on your arm you can still push the buggy and shop with a basket ok.

My local Lidl now has a barrier past the tills ( self service and manned) before the exit door where you scan your receipt to open. Another reminder to those of a ‘forgetful’ inclination though not sure how much it would deter those who had secreted items and deliberately not paid at the tills - only tagged items would cause an alarm to go off.

The big Sainsbury's near has now also installed barriers, though not fully functional yet. I use it a couple of times a month for a shop when I need the car - just before, I’d seen 3 occasions of shoplifters with trolleys or clutching expensive items run through shop and out the exit doors, one waving a big knife. That last incident shook everyone, including the staff member I was standing near.

This is no longer the trope of years ago, with a nice bewildered menopausal woman on Valium explaining to the police that she didn’t know what had come over her - this is professional theft on a huge scale, prompted by the lack of police response to lower value shoplifting. A lack of response at all - was shocked when the knife was produced that the police only ambled in by the time I had finished my shopping.

Talk about taking a hammer to a nut! He absolutely should have been a bit more discreet. Yes, we all know that shoplifting is rife, but there’s a massive difference between a person about to pay and someone doing a legger with a bottle of Vodka in each hand, which a man did in our Tesco Express yesterday.

I'm sure absolutely every single shoplifter says, "Oh, it was a mistake!" when they are caught.

Just because you genuinely know it was a mistake, doesn't mean the security guard, who doesn't know you from adam, has any reason to know that.

Yes, he was probably a bit heavy-handed, but it's probably the way they're trained to be. Some prolific shop-lifters can get very aggressive and argumentative, so he needs to be ready for that. A lot of shop-lifters also use babies/small children as decoys as well.

I don't really see what grounds you've got for complaining. You were caught shop-lifting (albeit accidentally).

I don't think it really is hammer to crack a nut at all.

They are not pursuing a theft charge and are not going after OP to recover costs as many supermarkets do. They didn't take her picture and ban her from the shop. All they did was put the milk back. The milk that the OP had taken through the tills concealed (inadvertently) in her bag without paying for it.

I think the OP should be glad she is not in a bigger mess and move on.