Accused of shoplifting after mistake. Should I complain?

[MARG07]

Tonight I went to Lidl which I go occasionally to (I'm not a regular shopper there and prefer Tesco, but I was shopping near it and popped into get a few items) I was pushing my 2 year old son in a push chair. He was asleep, and I had the hood pulled all the way down on the stroller. I got yogurts and put them on the hood (I was only getting a few things and couldn't get a trolley or basket as I was pushing my son) then i got milk and realising it would fall off the hood as there was already stuff on it (as it wasn't folded up but pulled all the way down) because he was asleep, in a split second I put it in a carrier bag I had at the side of the pushchair on a clip. Stupid I know but I wasn't thinking.

I then got two birthday cards and some chocolate and placed them on the hood as they were small and would not fall off, and proceeded to the check out. I didn't sleep well and was exhausted also. I was in a queue and by the time my turn came I paid for everything and began to walk out, as I was putting the stuff in the bag I suddenly saw the milk and remembered it, but before I could do anything, an aggressive security man began to shout at me and proceeded to accuse me of stealing. He pulled out all the items i had, including stuff I'd purchased minutes before in another shop and kept shouting to give it all back. (One or two items they sold too) I had a receipt for the stuff from another shop, and kept telling him to look at it. He just kept ranting and rifling through all my stuff though really really aggressively. Everyone was staring and another customer came over with my receipt which i had not taken, and handed it to him, he looked at it and then started going on about the milk not being on it and I was lost for words. I felt so embarrassed at everyone looking and couldn't properly defend myself.

I said it was a mistake that i only put the milk in the carrier bag as it would have fallen off the stroller, and that I couldn't carry a basket and push my sleeping son at the same time. But he was so aggressive and didn't listen at all.. He then just grabbed the milk and walked off. I still wanted the milk (it was actually what I'd gone in for) and was about to pay but he just left. I was almost in tears and just walked out.

It was a genuine error and I feel it should have been handled better. I told my husband when I came home and said I want to go back and officially complain, but he said as I didn't pay its my fault and better to just drop it. AIBU to ask for a manager tomorrow & make a complaint? Or should I just leave it? I can't stop thinking that maybe someone I knew saw me there and thinks I'm a shop lifter. I feel sick..

My husband however said to just forget it and go back there to shop again if I want to, as I've nothing to hide, but not to complain over it. He thinks it's best to just act like it didn't happen.

Any advice?

Yes but irrelevant- she has to have left the shop for the offence to have occurred. If he stopped her inside, she just has to say, oh I was just about to pay for that and go and pay.

It’s not a profession
you can however have a code of conduct without being in a profession

I once got home from a transatlantic trip to discover a couple of items amongst my souvenirs and realised that they must have fallen into my bag when I had been browsing at the airport shops. I was mortified because I had gone on a whole flight with “stolen” items in my bag. No alarm went off as I left the store. If it had it would have been so embarrassing as who would have believed that the items just “fell into” my bag?

I didn’t think to mail the items to the store and kept them (they were rather lovely keyrings). I am now thinking that I definitely should have posted them back.

Do you not think a lot of shoplifters come out with the same story?

@Kandalamahe was doing his job correctly. He was challenging someone who was trying to leave the shop with goods they hadn’t paid for.

Which is the whole point and purpose of his job and what he is at work to do.

Not technically in the UK
If it’s considered the item was concealed with the intent to steal then that’s all that’s needed.
However
Its harder to prove.

Two things simultaneously true here: you’re tired, distracted, have no intention to shoplift and make a mistake. The security guard is under pressure to reduce losses from the store, sees someone use a classic shoplifting technique, and is right to intervene. He has no idea if you’re genuine or if you’re one of the dozens of people per day chancing it. I expect he’s operating in hyper-vigilant mode as the ‘take someone aside gently discreetly’ method is just exploited by the people he tries to stop, who may be aggressive or do a runner.

So I don’t think anyone’s unreasonable. Sleep deprivation is rubbish. Clock it up to bad luck and move on.

The posters who have said you were shoplifting are talking shite. You have to have the intent to commit theft and you didn’t have it. You did not commit a crime, you made an honest mistake!!
Defo complain.. the security guard sounds like a job pissed bully!!!

But again, irrelevant. You can’t accuse someone of shoplifting if they haven’t done the offence. They can stop someone and politely ask has everything been paid for before they leave and suggest that they think something hasn’t and that it would be a good idea to go pay for it. Alternatively they can wait for the person to walk out and then accuse them.

I think it would be reasonable to complain about his attitude. Id start by apologizing re the milk and saying you understood the need for him to speak to you, however you felt his tone and approach was really off.

Many, many years ago, I found two pairs of Wolford tights in the buggy when DS was about 18 months. I took them back to the shop and explained. They thought it was hilarious.

such a shame they weren't my size or colour only joking.

In every shop I ever worked in, this was when you physically left the store as that point of crossing the shop threshold was when it was clear you weren't going to pay

that's one interpretation of the law but it isn't the only one.

How you take goods is the crucial point.

There are ways a person can commit the crime of shoplifting other than leaving the store with stolen goods.

For example they can move the item or exercise control over it in a way that's inconsistent with the shop owner's reasonable expectations about how shoppers will handle merchandise.

Putting items in or on a child's buggy is notoriously used to conceal goods.

Stores rarely take the benefit of the doubt view nowadays due to the increase in shoplifting.

The best you can do is make certain you don't put yourself into a position where there is doubt about your honesty and integrity. Think about how you might come across to others if you put things on the hood of the buggy - you may know 100% that you don't mean to shoplift, but nobody else does. Just don't do it anymore especially if you're sleep-deprived. It's no defence in law.

No shoplifting would be policed then if that was the case. Everyone would just say it was a mistake. Just because you did not intend for it to happen doesn’t negate the fact that it did happen - you leaving without paying for all items. Instead of complaining you should be apologising your your oversight

No
He acted inappropriately …. by OPs description
He also looked in all of OPs bags which you also can’t do without first asking. It’s one of the classic reasons these cases get thrown out of court.

OP didn’t mention if he asked her why the milk was in the bag first. If he did then she could explain which, given that she was still in the shop, is how it should be handled. Had she left the shop it would be a different matter as it’s beyond concealment with the intent to steal…Once out of the shop it is proved theft.

Have you never noticed when people get stopped by buzzers going off at the exits the security at the door always ask if they can check your bag and receipt. ? They do that for a legal reason

He didn't behave professionally at all. Were you still inside the shop when he stopped you? If so you definitely have reason to complain.

Actually, legally, the theft is committed when the person lays hand on the item with the intent to take it and permanently deprive. 🤓

The passing the tills/leaving the shop criteria is used by the security guards/shops as it just makes that intent easier to prove.

I remember the shame of the shoplifting tot. I think they used to have shelves of sweeties at buggy height so I d have a quick frisk once we got past the danger zone.

She hadn’t left

That sounds scary. I can’t believe that cashier noticed something but didn’t point it out. What I don’t understand is why were 10 men needed to run after someone even if they did think someone was shoplifting.

I doubt anyone here who is saying “but you were shoplifting” would be happy with the way the security guard dealt with it.

there’s NO way if the OP was a 6” something well built man the security guard was have handled the situation the same way.

I once walked out with some plums under a bag for life. Realised and returned to pay and was shrugged through with a thanks for being honest.

the maximum needed was a quiet word, ask to check calmly and when the milk issue was discovered let the OP pay as she suggested. They didn’t have any intention of prosecution so no need for handling it like an aggressive bully. The biggest clue it was a mistake was the paying for all the other items which sound of higher value!

But I’d be concerned how it was dealt with if they had more powers.

i used the self scan in Sainsbury’s and twice now I’ve had huge shops where one or two items haven’t scanned. ( even though I’ve zapped everything)

the shop assistant said there is an issue with this and you need to check if it has gone through.
it was mortifying though and made me just want to go to an old fashioned checkout!

Quite right 🙃🤓🤓🤓😃🤣

technically the moment we pick something up off a shelf in a shop we are all thieves
supermarkets are the biggest harbourer of thieves in the country.

Isn’t the law a wonderful thing 🥴

She was leaving the store she had already paid for the other stuff no matter which way you look at it she is in the wrong and being entitled.

Not if when you pick the item up you’re thinking ‘I want to pay’ rather than ‘I want to steal’ 🤣 😉

But as no one can prove what’s in your head they tend to show some other evidence too - such as leaving shop, stuffing the item at the bottom of a rucksack - or indeed, hiding it in a pram…

This. Also, he rifled through her bags without approaching her professionally. I’m assuming he was supposed to politely ask to check the receipt and bags and if OP refused then he would have reasonable grounds to check CCTV, restrain her from leaving the shop etc.