Accused of shoplifting after mistake. Should I complain?

[MARG07]

Tonight I went to Lidl which I go occasionally to (I'm not a regular shopper there and prefer Tesco, but I was shopping near it and popped into get a few items) I was pushing my 2 year old son in a push chair. He was asleep, and I had the hood pulled all the way down on the stroller. I got yogurts and put them on the hood (I was only getting a few things and couldn't get a trolley or basket as I was pushing my son) then i got milk and realising it would fall off the hood as there was already stuff on it (as it wasn't folded up but pulled all the way down) because he was asleep, in a split second I put it in a carrier bag I had at the side of the pushchair on a clip. Stupid I know but I wasn't thinking.

I then got two birthday cards and some chocolate and placed them on the hood as they were small and would not fall off, and proceeded to the check out. I didn't sleep well and was exhausted also. I was in a queue and by the time my turn came I paid for everything and began to walk out, as I was putting the stuff in the bag I suddenly saw the milk and remembered it, but before I could do anything, an aggressive security man began to shout at me and proceeded to accuse me of stealing. He pulled out all the items i had, including stuff I'd purchased minutes before in another shop and kept shouting to give it all back. (One or two items they sold too) I had a receipt for the stuff from another shop, and kept telling him to look at it. He just kept ranting and rifling through all my stuff though really really aggressively. Everyone was staring and another customer came over with my receipt which i had not taken, and handed it to him, he looked at it and then started going on about the milk not being on it and I was lost for words. I felt so embarrassed at everyone looking and couldn't properly defend myself.

I said it was a mistake that i only put the milk in the carrier bag as it would have fallen off the stroller, and that I couldn't carry a basket and push my sleeping son at the same time. But he was so aggressive and didn't listen at all.. He then just grabbed the milk and walked off. I still wanted the milk (it was actually what I'd gone in for) and was about to pay but he just left. I was almost in tears and just walked out.

It was a genuine error and I feel it should have been handled better. I told my husband when I came home and said I want to go back and officially complain, but he said as I didn't pay its my fault and better to just drop it. AIBU to ask for a manager tomorrow & make a complaint? Or should I just leave it? I can't stop thinking that maybe someone I knew saw me there and thinks I'm a shop lifter. I feel sick..

My husband however said to just forget it and go back there to shop again if I want to, as I've nothing to hide, but not to complain over it. He thinks it's best to just act like it didn't happen.

Any advice?

This. It wax a genuine mistake according to you, but you hadn't paid for all.the items you got from Lidl, therefore you were a shoplifter. The beat thing to prove your innocence is to go back regularly and pay for all your shopping. Oh and use a basket, I always managed to even if I had a pram or stroller

Sorry but this made me chuckle at the image of a mum having to frisk her toddler’s pockets.

Interesting reading the replies. Both my DD were in retail, one a large toy store, the one one of the big supermarkets.. I've obviously heard lots of stories from them. The were both management level. Oldest DD told me ALWAYS get a receipt! A couple of months ago, I popped in my local Tesco, late evening. Almost always the auto tills say "no receipt available,do you want to continue without out receipt". A couple of items and home. Have been shopping there,many years since the store opened,first name terms and move than just chit chat with several. Following day,at the auto till, cashier...busy shop, serving someone and a queue. Shouts across at me. "You didn't pay for your shopping last night".I look up surprised, when she's Finnished serving I go over to her, and ask. She tells me my card didn't swipe, I say,"oh, Ill pay now then". She is still shouting, says she doesn't know how to proceed with payment in this instance.she needs the manager,shouts across to him "she didn't pay for her goods last night".I'm in my 70s and trying hard not to cry.he comes over, what did I get, well a couple of bars of chocolate. He says don't worry about it, I LL write it off.i felt even worse at that. I've been in retail, managed a jewellery shop in London with ex husband and held up at knife point. I saw a well dressed young man in this same Tesco, happily putting drinks in a backpack walk out of the store, told them, they said there was nothing they could do!

She doesn’t have to. In this country the legal system works on a presumption of innocence until proven otherwise. Initially the onus would be to prove she had deprived the shop of the milk without paying.
As she hadn’t even left the shop she hadn’t deprived it.

The concealment is neither here nor there (theft doesn’t have to be done covertly) and only speaks to the intention, but is circumstantial as there is a reasonable alternative explanation.

The fact that she paid for the rest of her shopping (in multiple shops), had the funds to pay for the milk, and immediately explained her mistake and offered to pay would suggest she did intend to pay. I mean, if ‘proof’ really were being looked into previous good character, the fact that she regularly shops there and always pays, lack of motive, telling her husband etc could also be offered as evidence.

As I said though, none of that actually matters because that’s not the security guard’s job - he is neither judge, magistrate, jury, CPS, nor police!!

Had you actually left the store @MARG07 ? You say you began to walk out.

Leaving the shop is clear evidence
Eating it is another but you’d have to wait a while for the evidence on that one 😆

^^

Sorry to read of your treatment.

It's all to easy to inadvertently shoplift whilst distracted - and technically you didn't as you'd not left the store. (but if you'd not been stopped you would have done.)

But the treatment. Presumably they'd been watching you? And to if they'd been watching properly noticed your balancing act with a baby realised that it was an act of forgetfulness and acted accordingly.

Similar happened to me a few years ago in my local mini Asda. I'd paid for my shopping, at a DIY till, and started to pack it in a flimsy Asda carrier (also paid for - 10p? at the time)

As the store was noisy - beeps from other tills I didn't notice mine start up again and register a fresh purchase.

Goods paid for, bag packed I walked towards the door to be shouted at by their guard. Really quite aggressive and abrasive. I was taken aback by his manner and accusation. I didn't argue back.

Showed my receipt - all good but he couldn't understand why my, paid for, goods were coming up as fresh items on the till.

Went home somewhat shaken and disturbed. On reflection I thought 'Sod it I'm not being treated like that. '

Went back and asked to speak to manager. She was understanding - offered compensation gift card - which I didn't want or take. "Was it Andy?" with a knowing look of resignation. She couldn't explain till rereading my goods.

It was his manner I was upset about.

It was a while before I went back there to shop.

I worked out that the till had read the bar code through my carrier bag and that you don't have to press the start button. (Why have a start button?)

I always get a receipt.

Not sure if you are in a position to complain as you were about to be a shoplifter albeit accidental.

I hope time will heal for you.

Less pockets and more the under the bum. There’s something about the design of ( maybe just my) buggies that anything put down the side seems to end up there.

@Lovelysummerdays I needed a good laugh so thanks for that 😆.

Hi,
A similar thing happened to me many years ago, only I had paid and not walked out of the store with anything, I had 5 bags of shopping.
Yet I was asked to re-enter the store and my bags were searched where nothing was found, No apology, some store detective suspected me for some reason and I felt humiliated and filed a complaint.
nevertheless this stayed with me for years and worse still, my son who was with me at the time and was 3 years old.

If you were innocent as I am sure you are, then file a complaint as it’s degrading and mentally upsetting. 🥲 good luck.

Yes it’s horrible to be accused, I paid for my items in Uniqlo and was approached by a security guard and my bag was searched, she picked some items from a previous shop and looked at them. Yes it’s really off putting going there to buy anything. I believe if you are a woman you are an easy touch to accuse, because women don’t usually make a fuss.

@MARG07I would write a letter of complaint rather than going in to the store and seeing the manager. That way you can lay out the details calmly that it was the way the security guard treated you rather than him stopping you. This is the AI response to what you have asked below. I have also private messaged you a template letter copy to use.

To clarify the legal position in the UK:

1. Can someone be stopped before they leave a store?

Yes, technically, store staff or security can stop a person before they leave the store if they have a genuine suspicion that a theft may occur. However, this should be done reasonably, respectfully, and without causing public embarrassment, especially if the person hasn't even tried to leave the premises.

1. What if the item was genuinely forgotten?

Intent is important. Forgetting to pay for an item—especially something placed under a buggy—is not the same as stealing. If your friend immediately turned back to pay before leaving the store, then she clearly hadn’t intended to take it without paying. That should have been obvious to any fair-minded person.

1. Was the security guard’s behaviour appropriate?

No. Shouting, causing a scene, and not allowing your friend the chance to explain or pay was unprofessional and potentially a breach of her rights. Stores are expected to follow protocols and treat customers with respect. If your friend had the receipt and there was no attempt to leave with unpaid goods, the guard should have de-escalated, not humiliated.

Make a formal complaint to Lidl, outlining what happened, how it was handled, and how it made you feel. They need to know if their staff are behaving like that—it’s not acceptable.

It may help talking to the manager so you can at least feel you've had the opportunity to give your side - its unlikely anything will happen but it may help you feel validated?

I remember being so tired and overwhelmed with a baby, walking around Sainsbury's to get a few things and picked up some baby vests as well. I had put everything (I had got a bit carried away, it was falling everywhere!) through the self scanner and was about to pay when a security guy came up to me and shock horror told me I had forgotten to put the baby vests through hanging on strollers hood 🙈 I think my sleepy-embarassed-fumbling-apology was enough and I thanked him for telling me (I was mortified even then!). He wasn't rude or aggressive 🙄 he didn't go out of his way to belittle me and highlight how forgetful I was.

I would sometimes use the empty basket under pushchair to put shopping, never once was I accussed of shoplifting (maybe the vibes of being accused gave a deterrent, who knows 🤣). It could be argued that why would you pay for other items and not the milk if it wasn't a mistake? 🤷‍♀️ or if it was high value items. It's like when walk out of a supermarket and the alarms go off 😆 you kinda freeze (I walk out with receipt in my hand for this reason) only to be waved out by security.

This is very good advice!

I thought that you had to go out of the shop before they could stop you?

Why couldn't you manage a shopping basket?

It's embarrassing, but easy mistake, could happen again, don't be angry at the staff for doing their job.

I hated people who did things like this when I worked in retail, putting things in bags or tucking them away in prams and pushchairs - how the hell do you think staff are supposed to differentiate between people who are actually trying to steal and people who ‘just can’t manage a basket’. Drove me mad. You shouldn’t complain about this, you were and are very unreasonable. Sorry.

Your mistake created this scenario and therefore it would be very entitled to complain about it. Don’t compound the error by being a dick about it.

We all make mistakes. Move on and forget about it.

'Why are there so many people on this thread pretending to not understand what OP’s very valid point is? It’s not that she was challenged, it was the MANNER IN WHICH IT WAS DONE.'

Because they're nasty, gaslighting cunts exactly like the security guard.

OP you should complain about his behaviour. He did it because he saw an opportunity to scare and intimidate a woman.

My son used to scream in shopping trolleys. I used to push him around in his buggy and struggle with a basket. I would never put items in a bag on the buggy before paying.

The rules at this Lidl already are different for mums with buggies. I can't imagine the security guard would have done this to a bloke built like one of the Gladiators.
So he picked on someone smaller than him.

If OP isn’t exaggerating, then sure.

Passing all points of payment & making no attempt to pay meets the threshold for intent

Why is everyone getting so hung up on the legal definition of theft?

The security guard didn't try to get OP charged with theft. He just put the milk back.

I still think that OP is in a weak position to complain given that she had been through the tills without paying for the milk which she had put in her bag.

Technically a security guard can stop you whenever they like. There is no law at all to stop any interaction . The difficulty is, to prove an offence of shoplifting if they wanted to take it to court, the element of action and intent is what will be presented as evidence. Usually when the guards stop someone in the doorway, they aren’t going to call the police, they are doing it to shame you so if you know you have been clocked and so with either not do it again or you go elsewhere.

From what I have seen, if you watch the programmes where they follow security of shopping centres and they watch people stuff things in their coats to hide them, they usually wait for them outside of the door to ensure they have the element of physically leaving the store. If they stop them before, they aren’t usually getting the police involved. They usually use it as their own evidence for the shopping centre to ban the people from coming in the shopping centre again.

I accept that you might technically get a conviction if the person hasn’t left the store but I doubt it happens very often unless it was a repeat offender. If the person says I had money to pay for the items, if you were on the jury, could you beyond reasonable doubt be sure they wouldn’t have paid?