Friend posting things to my parents house

[HattenO]

Hi all. I'm British but we now live in north of France (my DP is french).

I have a friend here who is Canadian but also lives here in France. She is aware we are going over to the UK to visit and stay with my parents over Easter. She asked me a couple of weeks ago if she could order something online from the UK which can only be delivered to a UK address and if she could get it posted to my parents house and I could collect it for her when we are all over at easter. No worries I said, I'll let my parents know and I'm sure that's fine. I gave her the address to use.

She replied later that day to say thank you and she had ordered 3 things which would be delivered separately. Okay that fine I said (although she hadn't told me it was 3 things beforehand). My parents let me know when each of the packages had been delivered - then messaged me to day a 4th had come.Before I got round to messaging my friend about this - she messaged me saying I hope you don't mind but I ordered just one more thing. I said yes I know it's already arrived you have all 4 things at my parents already. Today my dad messaged me to inform me that yesterday a 5th parcel arrived for her and today a 6th parcel. I knew absolutely nothing about it. My dad is pretty unhappy. He feels like his house is being used as a parcel delivery Depot for someone he doesn't even know so now he's narky with me.

How unreasonable am I being to be feeling bloody annoyed with this friend and how would you handle it. Truth be told I'm not very good at asserting myself in situations like this and I don't want to be impolite.

Thanks in advance

Tell her you only had room to bring back three things, that you managed to leave some of your stuff behind to accommodate the fourth, but the fifth and sixth will have to stay at your parents until you next go over there

Change “a bit” to VERY annoyed and leave out the sorry - never apologise for being reasonable and asserting your boundaries!

also tell her she will need to cough up for excess luggage charge!

I cannot believe how inconsiderate she's been - more so to you having to lug it all back for her! Really she should cover the cost of adding extra luggage or shipping the bits too her though I'm also a conflict avoider and I'd probably (and wrongly really!) word it as a problem for her rather than a demand

OP, I'm not great at putting boundaries either, but a good tip is to state to her how it's making you and your parents feel - as she can't argue with or deny you that. Eg you can say 'my parents are not happy about taking in and storing so many deliveries' and 'I'm stressed about how to transport your packages back'.
Another tip that helps me, is to reread any messages that you write to her before you send them, and cut out any language that we use to soften things eg 'kind of' 'just wondering' etc. Make it clear and remember that you are in the right here!
I'm surprised that so many posters are suggesting to pretend things eg that the parcels are lost or you've been given something else from your family to bring back. The actual truth of this situation is enough - it's too much and has caused stress and inconvenience.
Good luck with telling her, OP - you'll feel better when you've made it clear to her. If she doesn't accept that graciously from you then she's not a person worth having in your life!

Hi Sarah. This has gone from one item to half a dozen. Please don’t order anything else, as my parents are starting to get annoyed at all the deliveries. . Do you realise that not only will I have to open all the packages before taking them through customs, but that since we’re flying home, I may not be able to fit them all into my luggage, and may incur excess charges ? I’ll bring back what I can but I can’t guarantee it will be all of it, so you will have to make alternative arrangements for anything I can’t fit in.

Hello, you asked me to bring one item which I said yes to, this has turned into 6 which you have ordered without permission. My parents are rightly annoyed at being treated as a store house and I won’t have room in my case, nor do I want to get stopped at customs. You will need to arrange a private courier to collect and ship by x date or my parents will dispose of the packages.

Which OP has to get through customs when she doesn't know what's in them.
No chance would I be packing unknown parcels, especially when it's from someone who has just shown themselves to be a massive piss taker as it is.

It's not the OP or her parents responsibility to pack up the items and arrange for them to be posted!

“Dear Piss taker Friend, I agreed to one parcel being sent to my parents and I have had a furious phone call from them telling me there are now 6!! I am not sure if you recall but we are flying - not driving! Unless these are 6 lipsticks, there is no way that I will be able to bring them back in my luggage as space is tight enough as it is. I wish you had run it past me before you had so much sent. I am afraid that you are going to have to make other arrangements for delivery now. OP”

What are the items and how big are they? Does she need to pay for an extra luggage (in advance) so you can take it? Considering she said 1 and then ended up being 6 is really cheeky.

The friend is Canadian and had probably never visit the UK. As she's Canadian and living in France, would she need a visa to visit the UK?

Yeah a ETA. Canadian travellers are entitled to travel to the UK for up to six months to visit (no criminal record or work etc allowed) but have to fill this in. Online form almost instant response. Canada require one for a lot of countries as does the US. Not difficult to get.

So are you saying if the Canadian friend were to travel to the UK (to pick up their parcels from the friend (the OP) parents address she had asked to use, as some had suggested in this post) from France they would need an ETA?

I understand it’s passport related so I would say yes but worth checking as I’m not the home office…

I think you're responding to someone else

Anyone else annoyed at the lack of updates from OP?

She's probably been arrested for trying to bring contraband over the borders.

@HattenO any update?