Friend posting things to my parents house

[HattenO]

Hi all. I'm British but we now live in north of France (my DP is french).

I have a friend here who is Canadian but also lives here in France. She is aware we are going over to the UK to visit and stay with my parents over Easter. She asked me a couple of weeks ago if she could order something online from the UK which can only be delivered to a UK address and if she could get it posted to my parents house and I could collect it for her when we are all over at easter. No worries I said, I'll let my parents know and I'm sure that's fine. I gave her the address to use.

She replied later that day to say thank you and she had ordered 3 things which would be delivered separately. Okay that fine I said (although she hadn't told me it was 3 things beforehand). My parents let me know when each of the packages had been delivered - then messaged me to day a 4th had come.Before I got round to messaging my friend about this - she messaged me saying I hope you don't mind but I ordered just one more thing. I said yes I know it's already arrived you have all 4 things at my parents already. Today my dad messaged me to inform me that yesterday a 5th parcel arrived for her and today a 6th parcel. I knew absolutely nothing about it. My dad is pretty unhappy. He feels like his house is being used as a parcel delivery Depot for someone he doesn't even know so now he's narky with me.

How unreasonable am I being to be feeling bloody annoyed with this friend and how would you handle it. Truth be told I'm not very good at asserting myself in situations like this and I don't want to be impolite.

Thanks in advance

Defo tell friend you may not be able to bring it all back as you’re limited on baggage. She’s a cf. and definitely open all parcels to check con tents and reduce wasted space in case with packaging.

When you're in the UK, tell CF that your parents gave you a lovely but unexpected gift and now you don't have room in your case for her billion parcels. Offer to FedEx them at her expense.

How exactly does your friend think it's all going to fit in your luggage? Why does she think you'd want to bother dealing with all this when you're on holiday visiting your family? It's very intrusive behaviour tbh.

So she's expecting you to add a minimum 6 different items to your luggage to lug on the plane for her? Say no, you/your parents agreed to 1 thing, so which 1 does she want you to bring and which courier is she arranging to get the rest?

On the contrary, you need to keep the invoice for each thing and declare it so you can pay duty. She pays you the duty before you hand over the goods once you arrive home.

You are exposing yourself to litigation here OP. I hope she is a really good friend.

Email to friend-

Hi,
My father tells me that 7 parcels have arrived after I told him 1, then 3 - he’s not happy as the many deliveries have caused him inconvenience.

Please tell me there is some mistake and you did not order 7 packages for me to bring home!

I’m flying in x date, with one suitcase - I can’t guarantee that I carry everything in my bag.

And I’m going to have to open the parcels because of size and because I will go thru customs.

——
Her response will be interesting and contents of parcels will confirm whether it’s true “could only be delivered to UK address” or if she just didn’t want to pay postage and/or customs charges.

This is ridiculous. When I go home to Oz I do often order a couple of items
of clothing before I get there as Australian labels are less than half the price they are here.

Even though it’s my mum’s house I limit myself to one or maximum 2 purchases. It can be a hassle receiving and storing parcels, not to mention if nobody is home and you have to trek to the depot. Can’t believe she expects you to lug them all home.

I would tell her enough is enough (as others have advised); let her know you've only got room for the original three items; and as a courtesy, let her know you'll have to open the parcels to check their contents

@HattenO did you tell her off in the end?? Curious as to her reply…and what she ordered that was so important 🤣

With my mother is was the mini boxes of Flakes like you get in a 99 - she was mad for them. Any time any of us were in the U.K. she’d ask for 5 boxes of Flakes to be crowbarred into the suitcase somehow.

@HattenO
If you are flying then I honestly don’t think you will have space. Also I would be concerned about carrying items through. Could you put them all into one box and just get box posted over? Surely it would only cost her £15? I think she is being really cheeky!

I'm in France and a lot of UK shops don't deliver here because of Brexit ...

Well telephone her and tell her to stop!

Tell her she will need to pay for extra luggage for you to be able to bring them back as she ordered so much and not to order anything again. She has taken the piss big time.

As others have said please open them, and if you aren’t sure about customs and they don’t fit in your luggage leave them in England and tell frisk to arrange a courier. Don’t sell yourself short on packing for her parcels. And make a polite but firm message that you agreed to one parcel and it’s now 6. Any future favours will be firmly told no- give an inch and take a mile and all that

Tell your friend there’s far too much stuff and to arrange a courier to bring them home otherwise, your parents will have to dispose of them.

She has 7 days to sort it out.

How big are the parcels? What are the items?

Maybe to make you feel better - a dc's friend went on a year abroad (uni course). She had to vacate the halls and asked if my dc would temporarily store her clothes which her mum would pick up imminently. Of course, we said. 4 huge bin bags. I put them in the conservatory as imminent pickup was promised. 4 months later there were still there (mum was poorly and could not pick them up). Then the cf started pleading poverty and 'she had to sell them on vinted or whatever'. What did I do? I had to package it and take it to InPost or every lockers. Luckily, she did not sell many. But I know how unwittingly people are made a mug, it seemed so innocuous to start with - mum will pick it up this week. Aye.

Yes and get the money in advance.

Or don’t give her the items until she hands over the cash.

Am I the only cynical one that’s thinking there’s cuckooing happening here?
How long have you known this friend?

Id say they’re lost to shake her up!

Why is she having them delivered to the UK and not to France? That just seems weird.

Of course you can't be lugging all this stuff home in your luggage. What even are these things?

You are flying! Wow!

I'd be asking for her to pay for an additional suitcase for your flight as you are flying hand luggage only and won't be able to fit all your items in otherwise and its not fair for your parents or you to be posting things onwards when you are on holiday as it will take up precious time. (Even if you are flying with checked in luggage). I would also make the point that you are annoyed about having to do this, because you will be delayed and inconvenienced by having to check in luggage...

I would lay it on THICK.

And given the level of CFing I wouldn't be worried about pissing her off. a) she needs to keep you on side to get her stuff b) shes not a loss as a friend if shes this much hard work and CFing

To everyone questioning why she's getting things delivered the UK instead of France, the answer is probably Brexit

I live in Denmark and since Brexit, any companies have stopped delivering here (esp in the last 2y) and when we do get parcels from outside the EU, it has to be under a certain amount or Tax is added and if the company put the wrong amount on the customs form then you have to pay it, plus 170dkk (£20) fee for them to have handled it which you can argue to get back but I'm currently in month 3 of an argument because a company (looking at you White Company) put a decimal point in the wrong place. its a fucking ball ache and I will absolutely get stuff delivered to the uk to bring back wherever possible!

What is it she is getting delivered? Clothes or other items?

Tell her you will need to open them and remove tags so they don't look new for customs.

You might also struggle to fit all in your baggage allowance and how much it will cost to go over (get the money for this before you bring back).

Any that don't physically fit your luggage you will not be able to bring over.

You will not be able to ask your parents to do any more for her as they are already narked - they will reject any further parcels and you will not do any returns for items you have no space for. They also will not store the items. So they will be disposed of.

She has taken the piss and needs to bear the consequences of not getting what she didn't ask permission for before ordering.

This is totally ridiculous. I am an American immigrant so sometimes when we go visit my parents or my inlaws I'll order a few of my favourite things to be delivered to their houses but I ALWAYS check first and I'm actually bringing them back home myself. It's a huge, huge imposition to ask someone to transport 7 random things in their suitcases, particularly now that they charge for everything or you might have any number of space constraints. How utterly ridiculous. I'd both tell her to stop immediately and also say that as you have no idea what any of this is, you have no idea if you'll have space to pack it so ask for her to send you some money and you'll ship her a parcel when you're back. There's no chance I'd be leaving my own belongings behind to accommodate this.