No wedding invite for my

[Wonderworld25]

So I've been with my partner for almost 10 years and we have lived together the dull duration of that time. We have 3 children together and are in a very secure and content relationship. His best friend whom I know is getting married and only my partner has recieved an invite to the wedding with his name on it. There is no mention of me apart from a verbal conversation convo with them where his friend said that I'm allowed to come for the evening, but still no official invite for the evening. I have not mentioned anything to my SO. Yet. As time has gone on, I feel a little disappointed in my partner for accepting the invite for himself only for the ceremony without his SO joining him. I totally understand its their day and i am trying to see it from their perspective on cost etc, howver I personally feel that my partner should of stood up for me considering we are in a very long term relationship. I will add that I have met his friend and partner a few times and have been out together as a couple twice however I don't have their contacts as my friends and I appreciate it is my partners friend. How would other people feel about this and what would you say to your OH without sounding like a crank 🤔

It would be wildly unreasonable to try and make him ask for an invitation for you.
It wouldn't be unreasonable to decline to go just for an evening if the offer arises.

How big is the wedding? If its close family and friends only then I think you are being unreasonable, you don't know them well. If it is a big wedding and all the other family and friends have a plus 1 then you would be justified in feeling a bit offended. But I still wouldn't challenge them on it. Who wants a pity invite anyway?

How many people are they having to the day part?

If you’ve only met them a few times as a couple it seems OK for them not to invite you for the whole thing, unless you personally see the groom quite a bit and get on well.

I wouldn't be bothered by this. It's their day to celebrate with whoever they want.

Are other partners going?

I don’t think you can say anything to him. People are in very difficult situations with wedding’s these days as the industry has gone completely mental. If both bride and groom have large families and they’re paying by the head, they’ve likely had to make some difficult choices. Also if other friends from the same group do not have plus ones, I can see they don’t want to make exceptions.
Ultimately this one is out of your hands and I don’t see what your DH can do either. Just let him go and wish the couple well. Can you book something nice for you to do that day? I love a day to myself when I get one!

Agree witb first poster. You are not unreasonable to feel a little hurt but don't force yourself in where you're not wanted. We can't always be invited to everything. Your partner didn't make the decision so shouldn't be punished for it. It also now clear to you where you fit in with this couple.

There are a lot of weddings threads and sometimes I can see both sides. But in this instance I can't. If you were a girlfriend of a few months then fair enough, but you are a longstanding partner, you have children. So i would have thought a +1 was appropriate.

If I hadn't been included in these circumstances then I probably would not go as an afterthought. I would plan a nice day out with the kids, or see if grandparents or someone would mind the kids for the day, and plan a nice day with my friends.

I wouldn't try to make my partner not go, if he wanted to go.

I think it's very rude to not invite you. I can't imagine not inviting a friend's long term partner.

Stop taking it so personally, they are obviously trying to keep costs down and do a cheap wedding, you’ve met them twice, you aren’t there friend, your husband is. Why should your husband turn the invite down, again it’s not a personal dig so he doesn’t need to stick up for you. Me and my husband didn’t invite any plus ones to our wedding either, it costs around £70 per head and would have doubled the cost of the day, apart from one guest who’s wife messaged me on my wedding day to ask why she didn’t get an invite (I ignored her message and her husband apologised for his wife’s weird behaviour) nobody else had a problem.

Why do you want to go?

I can never understand why anyone would be invited to a wedding just becausae they are the partner of a guest.

Mumsnet is so weird sometimes: I don’t know anyone in real life who would think this is ok.

YANBU @Wonderworld25 . It’s just rude. If they can’t afford to have you both then they shouldn’t have either, or cut their cloth better.

i don’t think I’d go if my long term partner was excluded

It doesn't sound like you are very close to the couple. It's not a judgement on your relationship. Weddings are expensive and they have presumably prioritised people they are closer to. Fine to be disappointed but I think you need to let this one go.

‘Stood up for you’? No one’s attacking you, OP. They just aren’t inviting people they don’t know well. Don’t go to the evening if you don’t want to, obviously, but it’s deeply unreasonable to expect your partner to decline to attend a wedding because you didn’t get an invitation, or to ask for you to be invited.

I also think it’s really weird and rude. Has the wedding scene changed dramatically in the last ten years, as every wedding I’ve been to has included long term partners?

Yes. It’s only on here I’ve ever heard of excluding long term partners

What makes you think I'm young? I'm 39 and traditional long term partnership should be respected as a couple I believe yes.

I agree with you.

"Weddings are expensive" is always trotted out to excuse any rudeness of the part of the bride and groom. We all know they're expensive. So think about how you can have a wedding which includes people.

It is rude not to include you but it's also weird to me that over ten years, you have only met your partner's best friend a few times. What's behind that? I wonder if they think you don't like them

But you’ve been with your partner for ten years, multiple kids - but you’ve only met his best friend & fiancé a few times? You’re obviously not close to the couple, but your partner is. Are you engaged? Some people have a no ring no bring rule.

Realistically you don’t know the couple and can’t be that close to them if you have barely seen them, why would they invite you just because you’ve been with your partner for 10 years over someone they actually know?

It’s not a matter of ‘respect’. They’ve only met you a few times in ten years! They don’t know you.

It is appalling social etiquette and extremely bad manners to only invite one half of a long-term couple to a wedding.

Fair enough if the couple has only been together a few months but ten years? That is just downright rude.

They have invited her husband, isn't it usual to have a +1? To invite a spouse or a long term partner? It just seems a bit rude to me