No wedding invite for my

[Wonderworld25]

So I've been with my partner for almost 10 years and we have lived together the dull duration of that time. We have 3 children together and are in a very secure and content relationship. His best friend whom I know is getting married and only my partner has recieved an invite to the wedding with his name on it. There is no mention of me apart from a verbal conversation convo with them where his friend said that I'm allowed to come for the evening, but still no official invite for the evening. I have not mentioned anything to my SO. Yet. As time has gone on, I feel a little disappointed in my partner for accepting the invite for himself only for the ceremony without his SO joining him. I totally understand its their day and i am trying to see it from their perspective on cost etc, howver I personally feel that my partner should of stood up for me considering we are in a very long term relationship. I will add that I have met his friend and partner a few times and have been out together as a couple twice however I don't have their contacts as my friends and I appreciate it is my partners friend. How would other people feel about this and what would you say to your OH without sounding like a crank 🤔

I personally think it's rude, but you have to let it go.

Any of the ones that consider the couple rude or uninclusive if the couple have chosen to balance their wedding priorities differently to how the poster would/did do it.

FWIW, I had established/named partners at my wedding (but I didn’t give a carte balance plus one to everyone) and I have been to the weddings of two different uni friends who only invited me and not DH.

I was totally fine with that difference because everyone balances differently (one friend had his wedding at a place near his parents which meant something to him, the other had a HUGE family and not much space for friends as guests)

You're right, @SheilaFentiman . Everyone balances things differently. It's all down to personal choice, of course it is. However, the OP is understandably upset, and I can understand why. Many of us are making the point about spouses/long term partners being included because that's our thoughts about weddings.

My point was that the poster I quoted said that if the bride and groom couldn't afford to invite SO they should pick something cheaper. No they should not . At £100 per person it is probably something that ppl would not be theoretically happy to pay for themselves.

Disagree it is the Bride and groom's special day they can do what they want. That is what they should do.

Oh I see what you mean ☺️. Sorry, I misunderstood.

I understand that, however how would it work if the shoe was on the other foot. My OH knows both the friend and his fiancee very well and has done for a long time however I don't according to all on here and we are merely acquaintances, so I should not invite any of the couple to my wedding, as I don't even know them? I'm sure my other half would have something to say about that about me not wanting his long time best friends wife, that he knows well to our wedding simply because I don't know them well enough - not going to happen is it

Weddings where you don’t know the couple that well are shite anyway. All that small talk and travel. I would be happy I hadn’t been invited!

I personally never understood the whole invite the couple thing but me and my partner have different friendship groups and even after 12 years I haven’t met all of his friends. My guess is they just don’t see you like that as you have only met them a few times. I wouldn’t take it personally

It's such a tricky one, @Wonderworld25 . I understand why you're upset, but it's happened. I'm sure the couple didn't set out to hurt you. Perhaps talk to your partner about how you're feeling a bit excluded and you feel that he's not supporting you?
If he decides to go to the wedding, just do something nice for yourself on that day.

I'd be quite happy for DH to go without me and I wouldn't bother going to the evening either! But then, I'm quite lazy and would relish having an evening to myself with a posh ready meal and a true crime documentary!

Unless I'm misunderstanding, that analogy doesn't make sense because surely it would be "our wedding" not "my wedding" so yes of course I'd expect the groom to invite his friends to the wedding even if theyre not close friends of the bride, and vice versa. This is different though because it's about whether the couple should be under pressure to invite someone neither of them are particularly close to.

Hah, yes me too, I love getting an evening to myself!

So you'd put people you don't know, ahead of the needs of people you love?

I genuinely don't understand that mindset.

No.

If you’re not married, then people won’t see you as committed, regardless of how long you’ve been together or how you view yourselves as a couple, so IMHO, YABU.

What a load of bollocks! I have been to a few weddings on my own when DH hasn't been invited. He has also been to one without me. Weddings cost a fortune!

I think couple are entitled to ask whoever they want so definitely wouldn’t say anything to them…. However, not inviting partners is incredibly rude (unless you’re inviting group of colleagues/football team etc and decide not to bring any partners of one big group) so in your situation, I would assume my partner wouldn’t go so I don’t think you’re unreasonable to have that expectation of him or at least for him to ask you your preference.

Many years ago, before we were married, DH was invited to the wedding of friends of both of us - I wasn't. We'd been together for several years. DH turned down the invitation as he didn't want to go without me, as it wouldn't be fun for.him. We're still together, and the couple whose wedding it was don't know if we're married or not as we didn't invite anyone to our ceremony!

Isn't your partner going to feel weird if everyone else is there as a couple? The fact he's not questioning it is what would upset me tbh.

I'm speaking with you, not my other half so it wouldn't say our wedding (as that would refer to you & I) so yes, my wedding. So they are fine to not invite someone they are not particularly close to, but if it was my wedding I'd have to invite people I'm not particularly close to just because it's my partners friend? Doesn't make sense to me as it wouldn't be a joint decision would it. Theoretically, of course. That's why I've always known wedding etiquette to be long term partners

So op are we right in thinking that in a decade you’ve invited them to one event that they couldn’t attend?

and as a couple only ever socialised…. Twice with them?

Would you like to get married? Or is it not something you and your DP are bothered about

I would expect my partner to decline the invite and say he will go in the evening with me. And id do the same. Completely up to the couple who they invite and they may have their reasons which is fine, but you also get to decide if you accept or not. Speak to your partner about it as he may not realise you feel that way.

Doesn’t even sound like he and his best friend are close!

and he’s not his best man?

Correct. We havnt had any other events/party's that we could invite them to however when we did, they had an invite as a couple yes. I'd like to get married yes, I'm very traditional so I wouldn't ask my OH to marry me, I would have to be asked. It is something we've discussed but would never want to pressure him into it as I don't believe that's fair.

I think this might also be wrapped up with how you’re feeling re your partner and this issue.

you want to get married. He’s not bothered. And he’s not bothered about you not accompanying him to the wedding.