No wedding invite for my

[Wonderworld25]

So I've been with my partner for almost 10 years and we have lived together the dull duration of that time. We have 3 children together and are in a very secure and content relationship. His best friend whom I know is getting married and only my partner has recieved an invite to the wedding with his name on it. There is no mention of me apart from a verbal conversation convo with them where his friend said that I'm allowed to come for the evening, but still no official invite for the evening. I have not mentioned anything to my SO. Yet. As time has gone on, I feel a little disappointed in my partner for accepting the invite for himself only for the ceremony without his SO joining him. I totally understand its their day and i am trying to see it from their perspective on cost etc, howver I personally feel that my partner should of stood up for me considering we are in a very long term relationship. I will add that I have met his friend and partner a few times and have been out together as a couple twice however I don't have their contacts as my friends and I appreciate it is my partners friend. How would other people feel about this and what would you say to your OH without sounding like a crank 🤔

I think the point of a wedding (apart from the actual formal joining of the couple) should be to have one’s family and friends around to share the love and happiness, not how enormous the cake and flower arrangements are or how many bridesmaids there are and how many courses of the meal include caviar and Wagyu beef. Therefore if I ever marry I will be starting from the point of whom I want to be there and what I can arrange for that number for my budget.
However in this case the couple seem to have worked the other way around but I’m sure the OP can find something enjoyable to do instead of going to the wedding.

Yanbu

friend has behaved badly so has your DH for not noting how twatty his mate has been

re: the weddings are expensive bullshit excuse

my DHs friend would find his wedding a lot cheaper as my DH would be declining.

10yrs and 3 children - you are a couple. It’s standard to invite you both

If my DH went, at the very minimum I’d be taking a few days off /away myself if he decides to go…

Yes I do see it and respect it as their day their choice, but my partner was so blasé about it and I feel I was disrespected by him more than anything as he didn't see any issue with it. Men for you I guess 🤣 I will definitely just do something myself

I think weddings have changed a lot in the last 30 years or so. They used to be an opportunity to for two families and two sets of friends to come together to celebrate. They didn't cost tens of thousands of pounds and often the reception was a buffet in a pub or church hall. Children were invited as were partners. But now weddings have become a huge industry, they are more like an extravagant party and the cost means that number of guests are strictly limited.
Sadly I think we have lost something along the way .
OP I would just shrug it off think of it as a social event your partner has been invited to and do something else that day with your children

I know people who have had wonderful, inclusive weddings and haven't broken the bank. No expensive bride and bridesmaids dresses, no make up artist, no expensive flowers. A simple ceremony, followed by a reception to which everyone is invited. Not fancy, no favours, no chair backs, just good food and great company and a happy atmosphere.

Oh that's awful. No I wouldn't do that. I don't even think I'll make a thing of it IRL but just wanted a rant ha

I understand, @Wonderworld25 . Have your rant! It's rude and thoughtless, but there's nothing you can do. Just do something nice on the day with your children.

So the happy couple should "cut their cloth" not have the wedding they want to accommodate friends SO. I am a bit out of touch but my DD1 wedding cost £90+ per head 8 years ago. So basically £200 ish per couple. What it costs now IDK. But not many guests buy a really expensive present ( not that we are that kind of ppl) would all the SO pay £100 to attend,????

I didn't think you were young, I was saying once we're above a certain age fomo is not a good look. It's immature.

I genuinely wouldn't be upset in your shoes, having met this couple only a few times in many years. I would respect that my partner was invited due to a longstanding friendship.

Why would anyone pay to attend a wedding?!
You're a guest.

They are rude yes. If you'd been together a year I'd get it, but ten years and three children?
I would question why my partner hasn't raised it before I found out I'd been snubbed, because if they've not sent a formal invite for the evening you've clearly been snubbed. Has you DP suggested you're not that serious to them? Sometimes friends find out the intentions of our partners before we do.

I would expect my partner to decline and say why.

Yes. I think it was just more, maybe an eye opener to how different me and my partner are in terms of how we view ourselves as a couple, as he didn't see anything wrong with it and of course I don't want to act like a brat over something like this. Has been nice to see other people's perspectives on it without making it a big deal IRL

I always find these sorts of wedding choices quite cheap and ungracious. I don't think you can mention it to your partner without sounding bitter so I'd just shrug it off but skip the whole thing.

If it were a small wedding with family and best friends only, fair enough.

However, you’re hardly a new girlfriend and have children with dp, so I think it’s rude also, and understand why you feel hurt.

That’s exactly what the happy couple should do!

But when I got married we also said no gifts. Everyone invited with partners, buffet dinner, dancing, everyone happy

Do you know if other partners have been invited? If yes, then you've definitely got an axe to grind

Weddings can be a minefield & baffling. Don't even try to understand, is my advice.

Totally agree.

Sounds great! A buffet is fine. You don't need a 3 course meal with silver service.

How can it be his best friend if you’ve only met a few times in 10 years? If they are that close tho should be getting an invite

and are in a very secure and content relationship.

I think when you start a thread about feeling disrespected by your partner and how “blasé” he is about your feelings… perhaps you need to question your view on your relationship

Can you explain why his response to the invitation means he views you differently as a couple to the way you view you? I mean, are you saying that your vision of you two ‘as a couple’ would mean you demanded an invitation for your partner if roles were reversed, or that, if it wasn’t forthcoming, you would have refused to attend solo in high dudgeon?

Because that doesn’t say anything about visions of ‘a couple’ to me, OP, it just sounds melodramatic and juvenile.

They should both have been invited to the wedding, or just the evening event or neither. They have been together a long time. Snubbing the OP is very rude.

This ⬆️

I think it is bad form of them not to have invited you as well because you are the other partner in a long and established relationship.

If I were your partner I'd be pointing that out to them and if it wasn't changed then I would consider not going either.

Not sure if I am a good yardstick though. I'm not the biggest fan of weddings so wouldn't really care whether I went or not.

That's exactly what I asked in the thread. I asked for advice on how/should I speak with my partner about it....