No wedding invite for my

[Wonderworld25]

So I've been with my partner for almost 10 years and we have lived together the dull duration of that time. We have 3 children together and are in a very secure and content relationship. His best friend whom I know is getting married and only my partner has recieved an invite to the wedding with his name on it. There is no mention of me apart from a verbal conversation convo with them where his friend said that I'm allowed to come for the evening, but still no official invite for the evening. I have not mentioned anything to my SO. Yet. As time has gone on, I feel a little disappointed in my partner for accepting the invite for himself only for the ceremony without his SO joining him. I totally understand its their day and i am trying to see it from their perspective on cost etc, howver I personally feel that my partner should of stood up for me considering we are in a very long term relationship. I will add that I have met his friend and partner a few times and have been out together as a couple twice however I don't have their contacts as my friends and I appreciate it is my partners friend. How would other people feel about this and what would you say to your OH without sounding like a crank 🤔

It’s often not the spend, but the capacity. A venue that holds 100 for the day and 150 in the evening is already pretty big and expensive, even if the cheapest food options are chosen etc.

So you think it would be better for DP not to be invited to his friend’s wedding at all, or just to the evening with OP? Because that would be the outcome in most of these dilemmas, I think: an invite removed rather than one added.

I’d hate to go to a wedding by myself. Unless it was a family wedding where I knew everyone.

But the DP would presumably know some
of the other friends of the groom?

But that is the way the world works. Couples get invited to things like this together. Everyone has this issue at weddings and everyone manages to sort it. If I’m close enough to be invited then so it my husband. We come as a package.

If the bride has six uni friends and the groom has six uni friends, but they dont have 24 spaces after inviting family, they only have twelve, then you would prefer that they pick their three closest friends each and their partners? Even if that meant your DH missed his friend’s wedding altogether?

If they want to have that many people, they need to think about budget. It's perfectly possible to invite everyone you want.

It really isn’t. A lot of venues simply do not have space for more than, say, 80 people, whatever your budget.

Given that, what would your answer be? Your three closest friends and their partners, or your six closest friends without partners?

if you want to invite everyone then you have to get a bigger venue or simply accept you only can have very close friends and family. If he was close enough to the groom to want to attend, he would want me there with him. If he was just a uni friend but not super close then the likelihood is he wouldn’t be bothered to attend anyway.

My answer is this. In my culture you invite friends and family. You invite partners and you invite them for the whole wedding. Not certain parts. Then you calculate numbers and budget. I've been to weddings in restaurants, marquees, school halls and leisure centre gymnasiums. I've been to weddings which are fully catered and those where Mum and Aunties have laid on a simple, but plentiful buffet.
So many of these wedding threads where people have upset others, left them out, only an "evening do", whatever.
I understand that all cultures are different, and that's fine, but that's the way I understand weddings to be.

So your answer is: only couples, even if fewer friends go.

Thanks for answering.

@RominaDina and I think there are so many factors in a wedding that there shouldn’t be a blanket rule. What if a couple wants to get married in a hurry before a beloved relative is too ill to go and only smaller venues are free near that relative, or a certain venue isn’t huge but has particular significance to them?

Anyway, for you, the guest list numbers trump those things. Which is fine, for you.

No. Courtesy, consideration and inclusivity trump things for me.

This!

So the only thing you invited them to as a couple, they weren’t able to attend

but that’s the only time in a decade?

I didn't really want people I didn't know very well at my wedding ceremony either. It's their wedding, it's not really about you. I'd be fine with an evening invite in this scenario.

In my example of the ill elderly relative, isn’t it discourteous or not inclusive to them to wait for a larger/further away venue to become available, meaning they are perhaps too poorly to attend?

I just want people to recognise that everything about a wedding is a balance.

I think most people realise that.

A wedding is supposed to be a celebration of love and a relationship so I find it really rather rude when the couple getting married are dismissive of other people's relationships.

We invited everyone with a plus one.

This exactly,I’ve never heard of only inviting one half of a couple to a wedding

Not the message I’m getting, TBH.

Yes that is what happens at weddings. Get a bigger venue if want to invite more or do what my sister did and only have 30 people which was close family and about 4 friends and their partners.

From what post(s)?

@RealEagle @CantStopMoving @NoSoupForU
I completely agree 👍

Are there many on here who have been to weddings of people they don’t really know that well?

Yes, I have. Quite a few.