No wedding invite for my

[Wonderworld25]

So I've been with my partner for almost 10 years and we have lived together the dull duration of that time. We have 3 children together and are in a very secure and content relationship. His best friend whom I know is getting married and only my partner has recieved an invite to the wedding with his name on it. There is no mention of me apart from a verbal conversation convo with them where his friend said that I'm allowed to come for the evening, but still no official invite for the evening. I have not mentioned anything to my SO. Yet. As time has gone on, I feel a little disappointed in my partner for accepting the invite for himself only for the ceremony without his SO joining him. I totally understand its their day and i am trying to see it from their perspective on cost etc, howver I personally feel that my partner should of stood up for me considering we are in a very long term relationship. I will add that I have met his friend and partner a few times and have been out together as a couple twice however I don't have their contacts as my friends and I appreciate it is my partners friend. How would other people feel about this and what would you say to your OH without sounding like a crank 🤔

I honestly don't know at the this point

As you think the evening is 50 guests more, possibly most of those are “partners/spouses of friends”

How much time have you spent with the groom over the years, and do you get on well with him?

asking as you’ve said you’ve only seen the couple getting married, as a couple, a couple of times.

If your DP is truly the groom’s close friend it’s a faux pas for the groom not to invite you. but less so if the situation is something like the groom lives miles away from you, you personally see him only rarely and are like acquaintances.

Could it be that evening invitations haven’t yet been sent out?

Got on really well with them the times we have been out as couples. The other times my partner sees his friend are just birthday occasions when they will go out but no partners go no its just the lads.

No I didn’t mean for weddings

I mean dinners together? A drink at the pub together? That kind of thing

In a decade, you have been out twice with his best friend and his partner?

Your OP says ‘I have met his friend and partner a few times and have been out together as a couple twice’. If in ten years that’s the extent of it then you’re just acquaintances.

Well it would lead quite naturally to the question….

did you invite them to yours?

My husband has some friends they I haven’t really got to know and some who are like family now. If he got invited to the wedding of friends that I hadn’t really got to know I don’t think I would be offended and might actually feel relieved.

Weddings are very personal things and that question of “how do you know the bride or groom”, can be a bit awkward when one says “oh I don’t really know them that well, I’m here with my husband who is a friend of the groom” or words to that effect.

I attended a wedding recently where family members who were not that close were not invited, but I did hear that they were upset because they weren’t. Where do you draw the line?

But saying that do try to not be too upset, it’s their day and they can invite or not invite anyone they want!

Twice as couples and it was really good we got on well. My partner is quite an introvert
and doesnt go out much sorarely sees his friend and only sees him once or twice a year when they go out with the lads For a birthday etc. They do speak often though

Unless the wedding is very nearby the logistics of both getting there separately may also be difficult.
I wonder if some of this is a generational thing, but in my day established
( normally married in those days) couples were treated as one unit.
I can see some circumstances where the happy couple has never met the SO due to being work colleagues, etc, where it might be reasonable to only invite one half of a couple. Otherwise expecting one member of a couple to attend a wedding which joins another couple doesn’t sit right with me.
Unless one of us didn’t know the bride and groom I can’t see my husband attending a wedding without me, or me without him.

I personally think it’s rude and I would expect my partner to put me first and refuse an invitation to the actual wedding but accept the invite to the evening do which you can both attend together.

In the scenario you’ve described you’re an acquaintance of the bride and groom, and the groom doesn’t see his friend often, so the main / only reason to invite you would be etiquette. For many people, eg with big families, friendship groups etc, that wouldn’t be enough.

I see. No we aren't married. However we did have a christening of one of our children and they were both invited as I would not of wanted to invite only his friend as I view couples in long term relationship that live together as one unit. I see here that not everyone sees it this way. They didn't attend as they were holiday but nether the less the invite was sent prior to knowing that

Er, because if they ( original invitee) don't know the other guests well they'll be on their tod all day?

Exactly. I find it bizarre people are suggesting that it’s ok to invite one half of a long term couple to a wedding. That has never been convention. I wouldn’t want to attend a wedding without my DH.

I think if you invite a good friend to your wedding, their +1 should always be invited. My husband has a group of mates I don't really know (from a hobby); when one of them got married a few years ago I was invited and so were all the other wives and partners. This is normal to me.

This isn’t about disrespecting you or putting a question mark over your relationship. It’s not about you.

they barely know you and obviously want to keep
costs down.

i dont understand why people are so desperate to go to the weddings of people they aren’t close to. Weddings can be massively dull- even when you know everyone.

That's not the point.
The point is that her long term partner was invited and not her, which is hurtful and rude.

HRTFT but surely the cost isn't a reason as the OP husband would simply increase the gift from say £100 to £200 to cover the extra guest.
I'm from Ireland and people will invite hundreds of people if possible to make loads of money as the gifts, always cash, will be proportional to the number going and always exceed the venue cost per person.

That is the point though. They invited someone they know and didn’t invite someone they’ve met twice.

how can you take that personally?

it also sounds like OP’s partner sees the groom twice a year, so not hugely close. Even if they are long standing friends. Many couples are restricted by numbers- woudl you rather invite two close friends without partners, or one couple when you don’t know the other half very well? Inviting OP could mean they can’t invite a close friend.

I can see why this is inconvenient for OP and partner. Lots of couples prefer to socialise together. And I agree that it’s usually etiquette to invite partners. ( especially if not all guests know each other).

but to take it as hurtful and rude? That’s going too far. It’s not a snub either. And it’s certainly not a comment on their relationship and how it’s viewed.

Many couples are restricted by numbers- woudl you rather invite two close friends without partners, or one couple when you don’t know the other half very well? Inviting OP could mean they can’t invite a close friend.

Exactly this.

It's weird, I got a plus one to one of my good friends' weddings and I was single! My cousin, who'd been with her partner for a decade, didn't get an invitation to a wedding as only married partners were invited, ridiculous!

Of course, they can invite who they want, but it is definitely rude to not include the long term partner of an old friend. Different if, say a group of work pals invited to an evening do, but all day at q close friends wedding? Nope.

I haven't got over my 12 wk old baby not being invited to a family children only wedding of a good friend, a wedding we had to travel and stay overnight at. Xh was allowed to come into the church with dd1, then hung round the hotel for the reception, me going into the bar to bf, xh excluded from the meal but then us all welcome at the evening do. I suspect friend would do differently now she has her own dc but in hindsight we should have declined

All couples are restricted by numbers. So either spend a bit more or cut down the costs rather than treat someone like this.